"We don't know how to die, we only know how to live. We were born to die but we only know how to live."

In this episode, Dale Heim reflects on how the dying process has shifted over the past fifty years, noting that medical advances now keep patients alive far longer, which has extended the active dying phase and brought a serious increase in morbidity and frail care.

She contrasts the earlier norm of dying at home surrounded by family with the modern tendency to leave patients in hospital, where responsibility is offloaded but the patient’s emotional needs can be overlooked—an issue she ties directly to her recurring question, “Is your suitcase packed?”

Dale gently encourages advance planning and open communication about personal wishes, framing a terminal diagnosis as a “green light” that grants time to complete unfinished business.

The conversation covers the vital role of integrative medicine, with its focus on gut health as “brain number one,” alongside conventional surgery, and the persistent authority of doctors, whom she says patients still treat as “god.” Dale also discusses iatrogenic error, the reluctance of some communities to talk about death or donate organs, and the deeply rewarding nature of palliative care, where the caregiver’s task is simply to be there and listen, because “you are not important, it’s only what your patient wants.”

Why do clergy and medical professionals avoid talking about death?

Dale also explains how the 12 steps can help patients and families process the end of life, covering practical challenges like family guilt, unresolved personal history, the importance of advance planning with living wills, and how the book is for both the dying and those left behind.

Is your suitcase packed?

Dying Ways is about preparing to die well. You need to tie up loose ends, complete bucket lists, mend relationships, and take control of your final days. She describes good and bad deaths, like a tantric instructor's swim with dolphins, a wealthy patient who fought death with denial and rage, and a daughter who could not let go and let her mother pass.