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You’ve rehearsed it in the shower. You’ve drafted the message and deleted it twice. And it’s still sitting there.

In this episode of the Psych Leadership Podcast, host Luke UpChurch covers the full arc of difficult conversations — from the psychology of why we avoid them, to staying regulated when things get tense, to repairing the relationship when it does. Grounded in research on conflict avoidance, the neuroscience of emotional regulation, and what actually drives relational repair, this episode gives you the tools to say the thing you’ve been putting off.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why more than 80% of workers are currently avoiding at least one hard conversation — and what that avoidance is actually costing them over time

• The neuroscience of the amygdala hijack — why you say things in heated moments you wouldn’t otherwise say, and how to interrupt it before it takes over

• Why cognitive reappraisal works when suppression doesn’t — and how to use it in real time

• How to open a difficult conversation so it invites dialogue instead of defensiveness

• The rupture and repair framework: what to do after a conversation gets tense anyway

The conversation you’re avoiding is costing you more than the conversation itself ever will.

Research cited in this episode:

• Overton, A.R. & Lowry, A.C. (2013). Conflict management: Difficult conversations with difficult people. Clinics in Colon and Rectal Surgery, 26(4), 259–264.

• Yoon, S. et al. (2023). The VLPFC-engaged voluntary emotion regulation: Combined TMS-fMRI evidence. Journal of Neuroscience, 43(34), 6046–6060.

• Pierce, J.E. et al. (2022). Reappraisal-related downregulation of amygdala BOLD activation. Cognitive, Affective, & Behavioral Neuroscience.

• Giacumo, L.A. et al. (2025). The ORANGE framework for facilitating difficult dialogues. TechTrends, Springer Nature.

• Gottman, J.M. Rupture and repair theory. The Gottman Institute. (Note: Originally developed in couples research; applied here to professional relationships based on general relational psychology principles.)

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NEW BOOK -- "Tactical Mentoring: A Guide to Unlocking Your Potential" - By Luke UpChurch

Available on:

🍎 Apple Books & 📚Kindle

Psych Leadership is a division of Rise Up Academics - A 501(c)(3) focused on building leadership and mentoring opportunities for high school and college students. All proceeds go towards this purpose.

Want to connect? Email me at psychLeadership@riseupacademics.org