When you tell an Eight “calm down,” they often hear “you’re too much,” “you’re out of control,” or “I’m censoring you.”

In this episode Kelly and Damon unpack why protectors (8s) lead with intensity, why that phrase lands as a threat to autonomy, and how to keep connection without dousing their fire.

Try better scripts like: “I can tell this matters, can you help me understand what’s driving it?”, “Can we slow the pace so I can track with you?”, and “I’m listening; I just need a second to catch up.”

We close with a reframe for 8s: “Is this about calming me down, or slowing things down to create understanding?”

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This week we unpack Enneagram Sevens, the joy-bringers who can feel shut down when they hear, “Can you just be serious?” Kelly explains how that lands as “You’re too much,” “Your joy isn’t welcome,” or “We can’t take you seriously,”.

We’ll give you better language that invites focus without killing the vibe:

• “I love your energy, can we shift gears for a minute? There’s something important I want to share.”
• “This might feel heavy, but I’d really value your perspective.”
• “This conversation may not be fun, but it matters to me.”

Plus: a simple reframe for Sevens, Is this taking away my freedom, or deepening connection?, so seriousness doesn’t equal punishment. Practical, kind communication that keeps both delight and depth in the room.

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Damon & Kelly break down how well-meant reassurances land for Enneagram Sixes (The Loyalists). When you say “Don’t worry” or “It’s fine,” a 6 often hears “You’re on your own.” We cover why that triggers alarm (not trust), what it communicates beneath the surface, and the exact, better phrases that build safety, collaboration, and momentum.

What not to say to a 6:

• “Don’t worry about it.” / “It’s fine.” / “No big deal.”
• “You’re overreacting.” / “That’ll never happen.”
• “Trust me.” (with no details)
• Silence or moving on when they raise a concern

What to say to a 6:

• “Walk me through what you’re seeing - I want to understand.”
• “Thanks for flagging this; your questions help us both.”
• “Here’s what we know so far and the options (A/B). What risks do you see?”
• “Let’s map the risks and next steps together.”
• “You can trust me with this - you’re not on your own. When’s a good time to talk it through?”
• “We’re okay right now because [facts]. What did I miss?”

It works! : Sixes build security through transparency and partnership. Clear facts + shared problem-solving lowers threat and raises trust.

Reframe for Sixes: Is this lack of detail a real threat - or just a different communication style? Do I need more info, or absolute certainty no one can provide?

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Type Fives value space, clarity, and time to think, so “We need to talk” can sound like “prepare to be emotionally mugged.” In this Lost in Translation episode, Damon and Kelly break down what Fives often hear versus what we mean, and offer practical language that preserves autonomy, protects energy, and gets you the thoughtful input you want.

You’ll hear:

• Why drop-ins and vague invites drain a Five’s “battery”
• The core misreads: I’m about to be overwhelmed, put on the spot, and trapped
• Exact phrases to use instead, giving topic, timing, and expectations up front
• A reframe Fives can use to tell discomfort from avoidance

Clarity is kindness, especially with Fives.

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In this episode of Beyond Your Number, Damon and Kelly unpack how silence, quick responses, or even well-intentioned pauses can land painfully with a Type 4. For Fours, depth, authenticity, and connection are everything and when we don’t respond, they can misinterpret it as rejection, abandonment, or being “too much.”

We’ll explore why this happens, share personal stories, and offer practical ways to communicate so Fours feel seen, valued, and understood. If you have a Type 4 in your life (or if you are one) you’ll walk away with simple but powerful tools to strengthen connection and reduce miscommunication.

What Not to Say (or Do) to a Type 4

Silence with no explanation: heard as “You’re not worth responding to.”

Ignoring their message (text or in person): feels like abandonment or rejection.

Moving on too quickly after they share communicates “Your feelings don’t matter.”

No acknowledgment of their depth or creativity feels like invisibility.

Silent treatment experienced as punishment.

What to Say Instead

“I heard what you shared, and I just need a moment to think about it. I’m here with you.”

“This really matters to me. I want to slow down so I can respond thoughtfully.”

“Even though I’m quiet, I want you to know I care.”

“I value your authenticity and creativity, thank you for sharing this with me.”

“Let’s circle back tomorrow so I can give this the attention it deserves.”

Reframe for the 4: Ask yourself, “Is this silence rejection, or is it reflection?”

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Threes often hear praise like “you’ve got it all together” as “you’re a fraud.” In this episode, Damon and Kelly unpack how seemingly harmless comments can trigger imposter syndrome for Enneagram 3s, and what to say instead. Learn phrases that affirm a Three’s worth beyond performance, how to set/receive boundaries with care, and simple ways to show appreciation that actually lands. Plus, a few real-life stories (porch mums included) and a reminder that rest, not more doing, is the path to health for 3s.

Things to say to a type 3:

“I love the heart and integrity you bring to this.”
“I value you for who you are, not just what you get done.”
“You don’t have to impress me, you’re already enough.”
“Thank you for all you did today, and even if nothing got checked off, you still matter to me.”

Several more in this episode...

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We’re back from break and digging into Type 2 (The Helper) in our Lost in Translation series. What you mean as a simple boundary,“Thanks, I’m good”,can land as rejection to a Two. Damon and Kelly unpack common misinterpretations, offer exact phrases that keep connection and clarity, and share a few “gut triad” confessions about learning to ask for help.

What gets “Lost in Translation” for Type 2

When you say “I don’t need your help,” a Two may hear:

• “You’re not valuable.”
• “You’re making this about you.”
• “You’re too much / smothering.”
• “We’re fine without you.”
• “You crossed a boundary.”

Say It Better (Exact Scripts)

Use/adjust these word-for-word:

1. Affirm + Boundary

• “Thank you, that was really thoughtful. For this one, I need to handle it myself.”
• “I can tell you care. I’m okay for now, but I appreciate you checking.”

1. Affirm + Future Invite

• “You’re great at spotting needs. I’m covered at the moment; if that changes, I’ll reach out.”
• “Could we hold off for now while I get my arms around it? If I need a hand later, I’ll let you know.”

1. Normalize Support

• “I’m learning to ask for help better. If that comes up here, you’ll be the first I ask.”

Why this works

Type 2s link worth to being helpful. Appreciation + clarity keeps connection intact while honoring boundaries.

Reframes & Reflection

• For Speakers (all types):
  • “Am I rejecting the help or the person?”
  • “Can I name their intention before I say no?”
  • “Do I actually need help and pride is answering for me?”
• For Type 2s:
  • “Is this a ‘no’ to the task or a ‘no’ to me?”
  • Truth to practice: “I’m wanted for what I do, and loved for who I am.”

One-week Practice

• Pick one script above and use it once this week.
• If you’re a Two, allow yourself one clean no and receive one no without a story.

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We’re dipping back into the archive with a foundation episode on the Triads—Gut (8-9-1), Heart (2-3-4), and Head (5-6-7). Damon and Kelly break down what each triad prioritizes, the core emotion it wrestles with (anger, shame, fear), and how that shapes decision-making, relationships, and self-care.

You’ll hear practical prompts (like “What was I angry about today?” for Gut types), why Heart types often read your feelings before their own, and how Head types can get stuck in analysis paralysis. It’s a clear, friendly primer you’ll want to revisit and share.

Triads at a glance

• Gut (8, 9, 1): independence, visceral “felt-sense,” quick to act (ready–fire–aim).
  • Growth prompts: “What was I angry about today?” Notice body cues (shoulders, stomach, jaw). Add a pause before acting; check head + heart.
• Heart (2, 3, 4): relationships, recognition, reading the room; often tuned to others’ feelings first.
  • Growth prompts: Schedule solitude; name your feelings; practice “I’m worthy even when I’m not helping/performing/standing out.”
• Head (5, 6, 7): thinking, planning, safety; vulnerable to analysis paralysis.
  • Growth prompts: Set decision deadlines; move the body (walks, workouts, nature); notice what fear is asking for—and act anyway.

Decision-making tips by triad

• Gut: Add thinking time + a quick feelings check.
• Heart: Ask, “What do I feel and need—apart from others’ reactions?”
• Head: Limit research; choose one next step; time-box the decision.

Try this this week

• Journal one line per day:
  • Gut: “Today I felt anger when… and I felt it in my…”
  • Heart: “Today my feeling was… not just others’.”
  • Head: “Today I decided ___ by ___ o’clock and took the first step.”

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