When you tell an Eight “calm down,” they often hear “you’re too much,” “you’re out of control,” or “I’m censoring you.”

In this episode Kelly and Damon unpack why protectors (8s) lead with intensity, why that phrase lands as a threat to autonomy, and how to keep connection without dousing their fire.

Try better scripts like: “I can tell this matters, can you help me understand what’s driving it?”, “Can we slow the pace so I can track with you?”, and “I’m listening; I just need a second to catch up.”

We close with a reframe for 8s: “Is this about calming me down, or slowing things down to create understanding?”

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This week we unpack Enneagram Sevens, the joy-bringers who can feel shut down when they hear, “Can you just be serious?” Kelly explains how that lands as “You’re too much,” “Your joy isn’t welcome,” or “We can’t take you seriously,”.

We’ll give you better language that invites focus without killing the vibe:

• “I love your energy, can we shift gears for a minute? There’s something important I want to share.”
• “This might feel heavy, but I’d really value your perspective.”
• “This conversation may not be fun, but it matters to me.”

Plus: a simple reframe for Sevens, Is this taking away my freedom, or deepening connection?, so seriousness doesn’t equal punishment. Practical, kind communication that keeps both delight and depth in the room.

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Damon & Kelly break down how well-meant reassurances land for Enneagram Sixes (The Loyalists). When you say “Don’t worry” or “It’s fine,” a 6 often hears “You’re on your own.” We cover why that triggers alarm (not trust), what it communicates beneath the surface, and the exact, better phrases that build safety, collaboration, and momentum.

What not to say to a 6:

• “Don’t worry about it.” / “It’s fine.” / “No big deal.”
• “You’re overreacting.” / “That’ll never happen.”
• “Trust me.” (with no details)
• Silence or moving on when they raise a concern

What to say to a 6:

• “Walk me through what you’re seeing - I want to understand.”
• “Thanks for flagging this; your questions help us both.”
• “Here’s what we know so far and the options (A/B). What risks do you see?”
• “Let’s map the risks and next steps together.”
• “You can trust me with this - you’re not on your own. When’s a good time to talk it through?”
• “We’re okay right now because [facts]. What did I miss?”

It works! : Sixes build security through transparency and partnership. Clear facts + shared problem-solving lowers threat and raises trust.

Reframe for Sixes: Is this lack of detail a real threat - or just a different communication style? Do I need more info, or absolute certainty no one can provide?

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