Are you stuck in co-dysregulation? When your child’s nervous system spikes, yours can too—creating a cycle of stress and overwhelm. In this episode, I share Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to calm both you and your child.

When your child’s emotions spike, it can feel like a wildfire—and sometimes, it spreads to you too. You’re not alone.

This episode dives into the real science behind co-dysregulation and how your own nervous system directly affects your child’s emotional regulation. Learn practical, step-by-step strategies to stay calm, reset your nervous system, and help your child self-regulate.

Why Do I Catch My Child’s Emotions?

Ever notice how your stress seems to mirror your child’s? That’s your mirror neurons in action, and it’s a core part of co regulation.

Research suggests that your child’s brain literally mirrors yours, sensing tension through your tone, posture, and facial expressions, shaping their emotional responses and stress response.

• Key takeaway: If your body signals threat, your child’s nervous system picks it up instantly, increasing emotional dysregulation and potentially impacting their mental health.
• Emotional emphasis: It’s not bad parenting—it’s biology.

Parent Story

One mom realized her lecturing only escalated her son’s meltdown. Pausing and softening her voice changed the dynamic entirely.

What Is Co-Dysregulation and Why Does It Happen?

Co-dysregulation happens when both parent and child’s nervous systems spike at the same time. It’s a reactivity loop: the child dysregulates, the parent gets triggered, stress amplifies, and both spiral.

Tip: Pause before responding. Ask yourself, “Am I calm enough to help?”

You cannot calm a dysregulated child from a dysregulated state. Your own nervous system must lead the way.

Parent Story

A parent learned to step back, breathe deeply, and approach calmly—creating a de-escalated environment where learning and problem-solving became possible.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit: How to Stay Calm When Your Child Pushes Your Buttons and Stop Oppositional Behaviors.

Head to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and start your calm parenting journey today.

How Can I Co-Regulate Instead of Escalate?

Co-regulation isn’t about fixing your child—it’s about anchoring both of your nervous systems in safety. The polyvagal theory shows that a regulated adult cues a child’s body to stand down from threat.

Practical steps:

• Take a deep breath, stretch, or move to calm yourself first.
• Lead with safety, not control—lower your voice, soften your face, slow your movements.

Remember: kids learn by catching your calm, just as they catch chaos.

Parent Story

One mom stopped lecturing mid-meltdown, observed the pattern, and used one simple calming phrase to guide her child back to emotional regulation.

🗣️ “When your child’s meltdown triggers yours, you’re not failing—you’re catching their emotional fire, and the one who comes first wins for both.”

— Dr. Roseann

What

When your child melts down, every parent feels that moment of panic—What do I say? How do I help them calm? In this episode, I break down the 4 Calming Phrases Parents Say Changed Everything and how these simple, rhythmic statements help a dysregulated brain return to safety and connection.

Parenting a child whose emotions shift from zero to one hundred can feel overwhelming, but understanding what the brain needs in those tense moments changes everything. These phrases aren’t fluffy scripts. They’re co-regulation tools that speak directly to a child’s nervous system, reduce overwhelm, and open the door to emotional learning.

This episode offers practical guidance on why these phrases work, how to use them during real-life meltdowns, and how parents can stay grounded even when their child is losing control.

Why do calming phrases work better than lectures during meltdowns?

When a child is in fight, flight, or freeze, they literally can’t hear you. Logical thinking and critical thinking skills shut down as survival mode takes over. That’s why telling a child to “calm down,” “stop crying,” or “use your words” never works in the red zone—no matter your parenting style.

Calming phrases act as safety cues. They help create a shift because they:

• Support emotional regulation in both parent and child
• Prevent you from barking orders when you’re stressed
• Signal safety so a child can feel connected rather than overwhelmed
• Make space for real boundary setting and the ability to set limits
• Reduce the urge for people pleasing or power struggles
• Create the conditions where kids learn instead of shut down
• Strengthen the entire family dynamic through calm communication

These cues slow the moment and tell your child’s brain, “You’re not in danger. You’re not alone.”

And that’s when real connection—and real teaching—can finally happen.

If you’re tired of walking on eggshells or feeling like nothing works…

Get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit and finally learn what to say and do in the heat of the moment.

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and take the first step to a calmer home.

What are the 4 calming phrases parents say changed everything?

1. “I’m with you.”

• This phrase instantly grounds a child who feels scared, overwhelmed, or ashamed.
• It tells their nervous system they aren’t alone, which is essential for emotional regulation.

A parent shared that after years of nightly homework battles, whispering “I’m with you” softened her child’s panic—and changed the emotional tone of their entire household.

2. “Let’s slow down.”

• Kids borrow our rhythm. When you slow your voice, breath, and movements, their brain naturally syncs to your calm.
• Saying “Let’s slow down” teaches emotional pacing and helps them step out of survival mode and back into connection.

3. “We’ll get through this.”

• Dysregulated kids often think the moment is catastrophic. This phrase restores perspective and safety.
• It teaches resilience—not avoidance—and shows your child that problems are temporary and manageable with support.

4. “It’s okay to feel upset.”

• Validation lowers cortisol and reduces overwhelm.
• Instead of shutting emotions down, this phrase teaches kids that...

Ever wonder why your child seems calm all day but melts down at night? I explain why child's meltdowns begin when the nervous system finally exhales, and share Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to help kids self-regulate.

Parenting a child whose emotions swing from calm to chaos can feel overwhelming, especially at night. Understanding why child's meltdowns begin and how to respond with compassion can transform bedtime from a battle into a moment of connection.

This episode dives into the triggers behind evening meltdowns and how to use proactive strategies to support emotional regulation.

Why does my child meltdown as soon as bedtime arrives?

Evening meltdowns aren’t about defiance—they’re about decompression.

After a full day of school, activities, and sensory input, your child’s nervous system is depleted. Their brain finally “exhales,” which can lead to:

• Cortisol spikes that make relaxation difficult
• Restlessness and avoidance as the body struggles to calm
• Reassurance-seeking behaviors fueled by anxiety or OCD

Real-Life Example

Your child who seemed perfectly calm all day suddenly refuses to get into bed, insisting on checking locks repeatedly. These challenging behaviors are their brain’s way of saying, “I’m overwhelmed and need safety.”

How can I help my child self-regulate before bedtime?

Leading with calm is key. You can’t lecture a dysregulated brain—co-regulation comes first.

• Start 30 minutes early: Dim lights, lower voices, and turn off screens.
• Introduce a wind-down ritual: Stretching, quiet music, or gentle yoga can cue the brain for sleep.
• Use humor and gentle touch: A hug or light hand pressure can reinforce safety and connection.

🗣️ “When the sun goes down, your child's brain isn't trying to ruin things. It's trying to release from the day.”— Dr. Roseann

Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.

Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.

What are common triggers for toddler temper tantrums and meltdowns in young children?

Evening meltdowns are often unlike tantrums seen earlier in the day.

Common triggers include:

• Sensory overload from lights, sounds, or devices
• Unexpected changes in routine
• Emotional distress or anxiety around school, tests, or social interactions
• Parent fatigue—co-dysregulation can escalate meltdowns

Proactive strategies:

• Teach coping skills like deep breathing, short stretches, or grounding exercises.
• Reinforce positive behaviors and model calm responses to help your child learn self-regulation over time.

Struggling to help your child calm down quickly?

Try Quick CALM, a science-backed mini course reset designed to settle your child’s nervous system and reduce meltdowns fast.

How can I reinforce positive behaviors and manage future tantrums?

Creating a predictable, calming bedtime...