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The Imperfects

The Imperfects

By: The Imperfects
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Summary
 We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.2026 The imperfects Podcast Pty Ltd Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • Missy Higgins & Dr Emily - Burnt Out But Still Parenting

    Missy Higgins & Dr Emily - Burnt Out But Still Parenting
    Nov 8 2026
    Do you feel the type of exhaustion that just doesn’t go away, even after a few good nights of sleep? Do you feel yourself becoming emotionally distant from your kids to protect yourself from huge emotions? Have you noticed that you’re feeling less joy from parenting moment? You might be in parental burnout. This episode isn’t about judgement, at all. Rather, we welcome you to an episode of the Imperfects which aims to make you feel seen, less guilty, less alone, as we’re joined by the very special two guests, Missy Higgins and Dr Emily Musgrove. 💌 To join our journaling club, with 10,100 + others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ We touch on the difference between depression and parental burnout, the risk factors of parental burnout, the perfect mother myth, and how to deal with perfectionistic tendencies. There SO MANY helpful things in this episode, and stories from Hugh, Josh, Missy and Em to make you feel like a good enough parent. Chapters 00:00:00 TRAILER 00:01:34 Missy returns: singer, songwriter and single parent 00:05:20 Hugh's Burnout: When Everything Felt Impossible 00:08:14 Defining Parental Burnout: It's Not About Your Kids 00:12:58 Depression vs Burnout: How to Tell the Difference 00:23:35 The Shock of Parenthood: Nobody Told Us It Would Be Like This 00:29:06 My Cortisol is Where?! 00:33:44 Escape Fantasies 00:36:27 Our Parents Had It Easier: Tennis, Newspapers & Benign Neglect 00:40:13 Perfectionism: The Biggest Risk Factor for Burnout 00:46:13 The Chicken Nugget Meltdown: When Missy Snapped 00:49:59 The Perfect Mother Myth: Intensive Motherhood Ideology 00:52:34 Mental load, resentment + your partner 00:58:55 Single Parenting & Separation: Missy's Experience 01:09:52 Asking for Help: Why It's So Hard & Why We Must 01:13:48 Rest is productive! 01:24:07 Dropping your standards: becoming a good enough parent 01:30:12 A Little More Imperfects 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Hugh van Cuylenburg - This Is Burnout - https://bit.ly/4yXsUEB Missy Higgins - Quitting Music, Depression & Connection - https://bit.ly/4eetAhh The Vulnerabilitea House - Missy Higgins - https://bit.ly/4Ai1sm5 Zoë Foster Blake - Perimenopause, ADHD & Everything That Helped with Dr Fatima Khan - https://bit.ly/4iqLS1d Dr Louise Newson - Maybe It’s Menopause - https://bit.ly/4ekisQ1 Dr Lousie Newson - It’s Hormones. Period. - https://bit.ly/4kznVWU Dr Edna Lekgabe - New Baby … New Brain … Matrescence. - https://bit.ly/4jTko5B Maggie Dent - ‘Good Enough’ Parenting is Good Enough - https://bit.ly/4sFhFyO Chrissie Swan - Honesty - https://bit.ly/4yWmgOJ How To Audit Your Mental Load with Prof. Leah Ruppanner - https://bit.ly/4f7g4fB 📚Things to research Parental Burnout Assessment by Isabelle Roskam, Moira Mikolajczak & Maria-Elena Brianda - https://bit.ly/4sGktvL Vivek Murphy’s Advisory on Parental Stress - https://bit.ly/48DLeaM The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood, by Sharon Hays - https://bit.ly/4z1nXus The Child, The Family, and the Outside World, by Donald Winnicott - https://bit.ly/3X7fE2H 📺 Things to watch Girls - https://bit.ly/4BGo413 🩷For More Missy GET TICKETS HERE - https://www.missyhiggins.com Listen to A Complicated Truth here, https://bit.ly/4ztZoY8 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
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    1 hr and 32 mins
  • Beginning For Beginners with Hamish Blake & James van Cuylenburg

    Beginning For Beginners with Hamish Blake & James van Cuylenburg
    Nov 1 2026
    Have we ruined the art of being a beginner? 💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,900+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ With guest host Hamish Blake, we welcome back friend (family?) of the show James van Cuylenburg to expertly guide us through beginners’ mindset: what is it, how can we harness it, and what is the best way to model it for our kids? In a time where kids are wanting to be the GOAT of a sport they learnt about yesterday, we’re winding back the clock to reframe the anger and frustration of trying a new skill, and to learn just how great persistence is for our identity. James leads us through why we avoid discomfort, the role of dopamine and reward, and when to allow ourselves to quit something. This episode contains lots of helpful advice for anyone wanting to adopt a beginners’ mindset, and embrace ‘friction maxing’ as their next expedition into embracing discomfort. Chapters 00:00:00 The Beginner's Mindset 00:01:32 Childhood Choir Days & The Pressure to Be the GOAT 00:10:32 Frictionless Society: The Dopamine Problem 00:22:08 Friction Maxxing: Inviting Discomfort Back In 00:27:49 Process Over Product: Finding Joy in the Journey 00:33:51 Persistence vs Endurance: The Art of Sticking With It 00:49:20 The Zone of Proximal Development: The 5% Rule 00:53:03 When Kids Get Angry: Co-Regulation & Small Wins 00:56:22 Shame vs Motivation: The Choir Director's Mistake 00:59:13 James Van Cuylenburg's New TV Show & Final Thoughts 🫖If you liked this episode, you might also love James van Cuylenburg - Love Your Wonky Bricks - https://bit.ly/3VZ1O26 James van Cuylenburg - What’s Your Relationship Status - https://bit.ly/4jFdIrF Hamish Blake - Let’s Talk About Self Doubt - https://bit.ly/4jKDwCQ Dr Emily - You’re Full of Grit - https://bit.ly/3ULXe6W Nedd Brockman - The Man, The Myth, The Neddgend - https://bit.ly/4ilxYvX The Academy of Imperfection - Dr Billy Garvey, Paediatrician - https://bit.ly/4Bpwmdn Dr Billy Garvey - From Boyz II Men - https://bit.ly/4zpm6QQ 📺 Things to watch Unskilled Adult - https://bit.ly/4dYgJQi 🎧 Things to listen to You’re A Good Kid - https://bit.ly/4z9u1Sp 📚Research to research Gretchen Rubin’s work on process over product - https://bit.ly/4z6UTCu Angela Duckworth’s work on grit - https://bit.ly/3WAhuJf 🚲 Things to check out Blue Derby Pods Ride - https://bit.ly/4irThwd Engage 1 on 1 Psychology - https://bit.ly/3Wev2dg 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
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    1 hr and 5 mins
  • How To Audit Your Mental Load with Prof. Leah Ruppanner

    How To Audit Your Mental Load with Prof. Leah Ruppanner
    Oct 25 2026
    It’s time we talked about the mental load. Again. 💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,900+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Consider this a companion episode to our infamous, most shared episode of 2023, The Elephant in the Relationship where Hugh and Penny introduced us to their mental load, and how they were trying to make it more equal in their relationship. Today we’re sprinkling in some expertise and scientific data, as we’re joined by Professor Leah Ruppanner who explains to Hugh, Ryan and Josh that there’s actually 8 different types of mental load, and not all of them are draining. Bringing examples from their own lives, Hugh, Ryan and Josh discuss with Leah why the mental load can seem like an insurmountable amount of emotional thinking, and how partners can better communicate to reduce anxiety-like symptoms and burnout. We chat to Leah about the exacerbation of the mental load when chronic illness becomes part of the equation, and how to manage the mental load when there is no one to share it with. Chapters 00:00:00 – TRAILER 00:02:02 – The Mental Load is life changing for relationships 00:03:11 – Mental Load definition: emotional thinking work 00:05:41 – 3 characteristics of the mental load 00:08:00 – Mental Load vs Burnout: Treat Your Energy Like a Budget 00:14:19 – The Elephant in Hugh & Penny’s Relationship 00:16:50 – Type 1: Life Organisation 00:17:20 – Type 2: Emotional Support 00:18:00 – Type 3: Relationship Hygiene 00:19:03 – Type 4: Dream Building 00:20:26 – Type 5: Magic Making 00:25:00 – Type 6: Individual Upkeep 00:27:30 – Type 7: Safety 00:28:00 – Type 8: Meta Care (Doom Scrolling and the Mental Load) 00:29:56 – How to do a mental load audit with your partner 00:34:09 – Align your energy with your goals 00:36:25 – Delegating tasks vs sharing the mental load 00:38:24 – Shift work vs running the business 00:40:30 – Birthday presents and the perfect mother myth 00:41:30 – Mess: do men really not see it? 00:44:50 – Why women feel judged 00:48:41 – “Good enough is good enough” 00:54:13 – Mental load in same sex couples 00:57:07 – Why perspective + empathy matters 00:58:13 – Mental load when you’re single, or your partner won’t engage 00:59:02 – What a cancer diagnosis does for priorities 01:05:45 – A Little More Imperfects: Mental Load at Work 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Hugh & Penny - The Elephant in the Relationship - https://bit.ly/4zNi0C4 📚Things to read Drained, by Leah Ruppanner (this one has the audit in it) - https://bit.ly/47RUyI5 Motherlands, by Lead Ruppanner - https://bit.ly/3WjSCW0 Men do see the mess, study by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4dTCaSq Cognitive + Emotional Labour, research by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4eN3HFo 📺 Things to watch Inside Out - https://bit.ly/4yx5mG4 🂱 Things to do Fair Play Cards - https://bit.ly/3UFeWZK 💝 Breast Cancer Support Breast Cancer Network Australia - https://bit.ly/4igX8fj McGrath Foundation - 1800 183 338 Think Pink Foundation - https://www.thinkpink.org.au 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
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    1 hr and 8 mins
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All stars
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absolutely loved this episode.
thank you thank you thank you
such a great view and backed by science.
one more embrace

amazing perspective we all need to take on

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I got so much out of this 2-part podcast. All the usual good humoured banter and honest vulnerability from Hugh, Josh and Ryan and very useful insights and tools from Ben - so good I had to take notes 🤚Thank you

Ben Crowe is great value 🤚

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super helpful for understanding myself and the people I'm surrounded by in everyday life situations 🤩 seriously INCREDIBLE!!!

Love it so so much!!!

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Not often you find something so honest and relatable that can have you crying, crying with laughter and pondering your thoughts all in the same minute. I tell everyone about The Imperfects and EVERYONE I’ve told have fallen in love too.

My favourite podcast

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I always look forward to Mondays when the next podcast drops. Content is always relatable and delivered in such a way how can people not be more comfortable in talking about their vulnerabilities 🤩

I always look forward to Mondays

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