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Scarred

The True Story of How I Escaped NXIVM, the Cult that Bound My Life

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Scarred

By: Sarah Edmondson, Kristine Gasbarre
Narrated by: Sarah Edmondson
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About this listen

 The shocking and subversive memoir of a 12-year-NXIVM-member-turned-whistleblower, and her inspiring true story of abuse, escape, and redemption.

"Master, would you brand me? It would be an honor."Scarred follows actress Sarah Edmondson's account of her recruitment into the NXIVM cult, founded by Keith Raniere. It narrates in detail the 12 years she spent within the organization, during which she enrolled over 2,000 members, chronicling her breaking point and her harrowing fight to get out, help others, and heal.

• Complete with personal photographs, this tell-all follows Sarah from the moment she takes her first NXIVM seminar, to the invitation she accepts from her best friend, Lauren Salzman, into DOS—a "secret sisterhood" within the cult—to her journey toward becoming a key witness in the federal case against its founders.
• Readers will learn how cults like NXIVM get started, why people get involved (and stay), and the importance of whistleblowers who bring light to illegal and unethical practices.
• Sarah Edmondson is a Canadian actress and playwright who has starred in the CBS series Salvation and more than 12 films for the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime. She is featured in the CBC podcast Uncover: Escaping NXIVM and The Vow, the upcoming HBO documentary series on NXIVM.

Scarred isn't just about NXIVM. It is also a story about abuses of power, the role female friendships play in cults, and how sometimes the search to be "better" can override everything else.

• A thrilling read for fans of true crime and cults, as well as listeners of podcasts like My Favorite Murder and Up and Vanished.
• Great for fans of Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology by Leah Remini, Escape by Carolyn Jessop, Beyond Belief by Jenna Miscavige Hill, and Bad Blood by John Carreyrou.
• Evokes questions about friendship, ethics, good and evil, making it a perfect selection for book clubs.

Audio edition read by the author. Personal Development Personal Success Religious Studies Spirituality Inspiring Celebrity

Critic Reviews

*One of Town Country’s 10 Best Fiction Nonfiction Books About Cults*


"If you were enthralled by the HBO docuseries, The Vow, or Starz’s Seduced, then Sarah Edmondson’s memoir is required follow-up reading." --Town Country
"Sarah Edmonson wrote a subversive memoir about NXIVM you have to read after The Vow." -Bustle.com
All stars
Most relevant
I thought this was such a fascinating book and I feel such empathy for Sarah, and I applaud her courage in blowing the whistle. Scary to think how plausible it is to get sucked into a cult posing as personal development. So glad Keith is in jail!

Lizzie

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I've done a lot of Googling and reading since first hearing about NXIVM and I thought I had an understanding of Sarah's story after devouring The Vow. This book, however, gave me a more intimate understanding of her story, helping me grasp the emotional impact of going through such an ordeal, as well as the personal cost of choosing to follow your own truth and escape abusive relationships.

An emotional inside look into a courageous journey

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I purchased this title after watching both "The Vow" and "Seduced", two quite different documentary series about NXIVM, Scarred is Sarah Edmondson's own story which was peripherally addressed in "The Vow". This was a compelling story, starting with the practice that precipitated the downfall of NXIVM. Sarah does her own narration, and her storytelling is enhanced by her beautiful reading and lyrical voice.

Compelling listen

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I smashed this out in a day. I just couldn’t stop listening. Wow I couldn’t believe what I was heard the manipulation. A lot of the steps resonate with pyramid type business training. Up lines, recutting, it just went on and on.
Thank god without the sex influence.

My eyes are open.

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Listening to Sarah's story broke my heart, made me cry, made me sad, angry and eventually made me smile. Let Sarah's story be a lesson, never let anyone take control of your life. You are loved and worthy of all the beauty this World has to offer. Thinking of Sarah and all of the survivors of NXIVM. Peace to all of you.

Incredible.

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An incredibly terrifying story told by a brave woman. Thankyou for telling you story Sarah.

incredible and inspiring

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A moving, emotional and inspiring book. Sarah helped me during a time I was myself leaving a high control cult and I am thankful to be able to listen to her tell her story. Thank you Sarah

Moving, emotional and inspiring.

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Even after having watched ‘The Vow’, Sarah’s book was extremely enlightening in giving a first hand account of the inner workings of this fascinating cult. I spent a similar length of time as a staff member of the Church of Scientology from the mid 90s to the late noughties and while it wasn’t a sex cult it certainly utilised all of the same tactics and more to control and manipulate its members for the benefit of the leader. As they say, no one joins a cult, but once you realise you have, it’s such a crazy reality shift that takes years of processing to come to terms with. Sarah, you have done such an amazing job with this book and with the work you’ve done inside and outside of NXIVM to build it and yourself up to be a genuine and honourable attempt at self actualisation and enlightenment, worthy goals, and to eventually take it done with the other brave whistle blowers. You should feel immensely proud of your achievements!

Great book, couldn’t put it down!

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Fantastic achievement, such an honest book, that will help many for years to come learn about having the strength and courage to change and question their world. Congratulations 🎊 xx

Amazing story....

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Well written and narrated, thank you for telling your story it helps myself and many others

Couldn't put it down

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