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My Father's Wake

How the Irish Teach Us to Live, Love and Die

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My Father's Wake

By: Kevin Toolis
Narrated by: Kevin Toolis
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Summary
 Death is a whisper in the Anglo-Saxon world. But on a remote island, off the coast of Co. Mayo, it has a louder voice. Along with reports of incoming Atlantic storms, the local radio station runs a thrice daily roll call of ordinary deaths. The islanders go in great numbers, often with young children, to wake with their dead. They keep the corpse and the bereaved company through the long hours of the night. They dig the grave with their own hands. It is a communal triumph in overcoming the death of the individual.

In this beautifully written memoir, Kevin Toolis gives an intimate, eye-witness account of the death and wake of his father, and explores the wider history of the Irish Wake. With an uplifting, positive message at its heart, My Father's Wake celebrates the spiritual depth of the Irish Wake and asks if we can find a better way to deal with our mortality, by living and loving in the acceptance of death.

Written and Read by Kevin Toolis

(p) 2017 Orion Publishing Group©2017 Kevin Toolis Grief & Loss Personal Development Relationships Religious Studies Inspiring

Critic Reviews

As a boy, he learned to kiss the corpse at a traditional island wake. As a film-maker and witness to death in many conflict zones around the world, Kevin Toolis has written a profound book on the culture of grief and death, placing the personal alongside the political in a vivid exploration of our ancient ways of coming together around the dead. This is a moving family story, a memoir of loss and exile, a deep understanding of what makes us alive, casting a cold eye on what is precious and so often denied
The 'Western Death Machine' has hidden the dead and dying, but in a remote island off the west coast of Ireland, an almost Homeric society clings to the old ways. The dying are treasured and tenderly watched over, the dead are honoured with the ancient rites and rituals. Contemporary western ideas about death are dominated by individualism; My Father's Wake is a lyrical description of how community and tradition help us deal with our mortality (SEAMUS O’MAHONY, author of The Way We Die Now)
A broadside against collective [death] denial. In its alternating shifts of focus, from the intimately personal to the more journalistically detached, it lays bare the desperate numbness that accompanies that denial (SEAN O'HAGAN)
Powerful and immensely moving (Ian Critchley)
The windswept Irish island of MY FATHER'S WAKE is one of the final remote outposts of true death engagement in the Western world. Toolis's book is both memoir and anthropology, and serves as a refreshing counterpoint to the industrialized, for-profit death industry we've come to wrongly believe is our only option (CAITLIN DOUGHTY, author of the New York Times bestsellers Smoke Gets in Your Eyes and From Here to Eternity)
An enlightening and unflinching dispatch from the frontline, an embedded report by an eyewitness who tries to face death squarely without recourse to mysticism, sentimentality or delusion (Liam Fay)
A heart-warming and very personal account of a life well-lived (Mary Russell)
Toolis writes superbly ... it's as a memoir that this engrossing book works best (Anthony Gardner)
A gut-wrenching exploration of death from an Irish perspective ... A fascinating view of what most of us try not to consider: the end of life ... This book is not for the faint of heart, as the experiences [Toolis] shares will leave readers emotionally raw. It is unquestionably rewarding, however, a thought-provoking argument against a sterile and industrial view of death ... Intimate, eye-opening
Visceral and profound
His moving memoir is a powerful reminder that the end of life is as precious as its beginning. (Jane Shilling)
All stars
Most relevant
I was transfixed by the details of the Irish wake.. with a lot of Irish Ancestry.. this was wonderful to hear, and have shared with me. I found some chapters hard to listen too.. but this is an important book.. highlighting the western commercialisation and clinical removal of us as humans from the death journey.
if I had of read this book when I was younger I would have dealt with three deaths differently..
it will change my life choices now...
you read a few books in your life that profoundly affect you. this is on that list.

not an easy read.. but an important book.. I am greatful this book crossed my path..

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An unswervingly honest portrayal of death on a small, poor Irish island. The islanders, though physically poor, show in our visit to Sonny Toole's deathbed as rich in deep connection and understanding of dying and the dead. The haunting, poignant tale switches between the life and death of Sonny (the author's father) and death in the wider world, in all her forms. Shocking, real, truthful. I found this raw and right on the money. Some listeners may feel uncomfortably jarred, but your view of death will never be the same again. Highly recommended.

Death never told truer. A revelation.

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In the spirit of reconciliation, Audible acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.