Episodes

  • Do Schools Create “Problem Boys?”

    Do Schools Create “Problem Boys?”
    May 9 2024
    Boys don’t do as well in school as girls. On the whole, they earn lower grades and more disciplinary referrals. You will typically find more boys in detention than at the top of the class.Are boys the problem? Is there something about masculinity, something about male biology that contributes to these disparate outcomes? Or, are schools the problem? Does the curriculum and environment somehow inhibit boys’ success?Yes. Boys mature more slowly than their female peers, so they’re generally not as well-equipped for the challenges of school as their similarly-aged female peers. Current masculinity standards also ridicule academic achievement or effort and make it difficult for boys to ask for help. And, most school curriculum and practices don’t align well with boys’ needs.In far too many cases, though, adults make things worse rather than better for boys in school. Adult misunderstanding of male development, coupled with intrinsic bias (and intensified by the fact that educators are now being asked to do too many things, with too few resources & too little support), causes many adults to inadvertently exacerbate boys’ problems. And that’s a problem for all of us.Photo by Mikhail Nilov via PexelsIn this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:Why boys struggle in schoolHow adults unintentially exacerabate boys’ problemsSetting boys up for school success (Choose a play-oriented preschool instead of an academically-oriented one!)Meeting boys’ needs in schoolLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:When Your Kid is the Classroom Problem Child — The Cut articleWhy Are Kids Being Forced to Eat Lunch in Silence? — Guardian articleSchools — Not Boys — Behaving Badly — Jen’s Building Boys Bulletin about both these articlesBoys & School — Building Boys post about the black walnut incidentMoving Into the Red: Boys & Education — article by Jen about her son’s kindergarten experienceGifted & Twice-Exception (2E) Boys — ON BOYS episodeSponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy!Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order.Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: EZ MeltsGet a FREE 3-month supply of D3 w your 1st purchase at try.ezmelts.com/onboysOur Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.armoire.style* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: * Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefinedAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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    47 mins
  • FBI: Sextortion Targets Boys

    FBI: Sextortion Targets Boys
    May 2 2024
    Sextortion disproportionately affects boys.Between October 2021 & March 2023, the FBI & Homeland Security Investigation received more than 13,000 reports of online sextortion of minors. Most of the victims were boys. At least 20 boys have already died by suicide after experiencing sextortion.The FBI is so concerned about these trends that they reached out to ON BOYS podcast. Agents are working to shutdown sextorionists, but they know that parents play a key role in keeping boys safe too.“This trend of targeting boys for financial sextortion — where photos are taken or provided by the boy and then used to extort them for funds, under the impression that they will be shared online — is a scheme that seems to have emerged in the last few years,” says Chris Crocker, Acting Special Agent in Charge of the FBI St. Louis division.Protecting Boys From SextortionBoys ages 14-17 seem to be the primary targets. Sextortionists connect with boys via online platforms (including gaming sites and social media; they often represent themselves as attractive teenage girls, show a lot of interest, perhaps share a sexy photo of “themselves,” and then ask the boy to reciprocate. When he does, they threaten to share the image unless the boy sends them money.“The boys we’ve seen fall for these schemes are not dumb kids. They’re not kids that were necessarily obviously at any sort of risk. They’re good kids, good students, athletes, model kids, the kind of boys you would want your son to grow up to be,” Chris says. “These are not bad kids; these are good kids who make poor decisions. Every person is susceptible to doing that from time to time.”Talk to your boys about sextortion, so they will talk to you if it occurs to them (or a friend). Make sure they know that you will help them, not yell at them or punish them.“It is very important for parents to constantly reassure their children that they can come to them with something like this. Building that trust with your child is really important to avoiding these things – maybe not from occurring ever, but from reaching the worst possible outcome,” Chris says.”This is a really complex issue and there’s no easy way to handle it, but spreading awareness will prevent more of these outcomes.”Chris Crocker, Acting Special Agent in Charge of the FBI St. Louis DivisionTo Report Sextortion:To contact the FBI, dial 1-800-CALL-FBI or use tips.fbi.gov to provide information online.The FBI’s partner at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children provides guidance on how to remove nude photos online that were taken before a person was 18 years old: https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Chris discuss:What sextortion isWhy boys are often victimsHow to talk to boys about sextortionWhat to do if someone is experiencing sextortionWhat happens when your report sextortionWhat social media sites are doing to combat sextortionLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Sextortion: A Growing Threat Preying on Our Nation’s TeensA Teen’s Death in a Small Michigan Town Led the FBI & Police to an Online Sexual Extortion SchemeThis Boy’s Story Highlights Why Instagram’s Taking a New Stance on DMsInstagram to Crack Down on Teen SextortionMaggie Dent: What Teenage Boys Really Need — ON BOYS episodeTalk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)Sponsor Spotlight: EZ MeltsGet a FREE 3-month supply of D3 w your 1st purchase at try.ezmelts.com/onboysSponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.comSponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookOur Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.armoire.style* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: * Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefinedAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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    44 mins
  • Protein, Creatine, & Performance Enhancing Drugs

    Protein, Creatine, & Performance Enhancing Drugs
    Apr 25 2024
    Protein, creatine, & performance enhancing drugs are common in boy world.In fact, most teen boys experiment with them at some point. Approximately 80% of teenage boys say they’ve used a protein supplement within the last 12 months, says Kyle Ganson, an assistant professor who researches boys and body image.“There’s a very broad list of performance enhancers, including dietary supplements and other substances that are perfectly legal and readily available to young people,” Kyle says. These substances are “purported to help you with your performance, with building strength, and with your appearance, but there’s not a lot of research on them and a lot of nuance to them.”Whether they’re looking for this info or not, boys are likely to encounter it online. There are a plethora of social media influencers who hawk supplements and explicitly discuss their workout routines, nutrition, and dietary supplements. Not all of that information is accurate. In many cases, these influencers gain financially when they promote supplements.Understanding boys’ motivation to use these substances is key to supporting them. An abstinence-only approach isn’t likely to work — and not necessary, in most cases, Kyle says. It’s better to engage boys in conversation and help them meet their goals.In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Kyle discuss:Protein supplements, creatine, amino acids, pre-workout supplements, & energy drinksSteroids & synthetic hormones, including testosteroneHow media influences (& creates) unrealistic body image ideals for boysWhy boys use performance enhancing supplementsHelping boys find accurate informationTypical paths to supplement useTalking to boys about performance enhancing substancesMasculine norms & muscle-building behaviorsRegulation (& lack of regulation!) of supplements & performance enhancing drugsLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) & Muscle Dysmorphia — previous ON BOYS episode w KyleBoys & Body Image – ON BOYS episodeZac Efron Admits Bulking Up for Baywatch “Messed” Him UpRob McElhenney from “Always Sunny” Reveals How He Got So RippedSafety Reporting Portal — site consumers can use to report adverse eventsSponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy!Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order.Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.armoire.style* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: * Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefinedAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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    44 mins
  • Advocating for Boys

    Advocating for Boys
    Apr 18 2024
    Advocating for boys is one way to help boys and men thrive.At present, there are no governmental commissions working on behalf of boys and men in the United States. Not at the federal level & not at the state level. Even though boys lag behind girls in academic achievement and boys & men experience suicide, murder, drug & alcohol addiction, homelessness, incarceration, & early death at disproportionately high rates. And even though there are multiple commissions dedicated to addressing & advancing the needs of girls and women.Blair Daly, founder of the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men (WIBM) is working to change that.“The male population, I think, can be described as an under-advocated-for population group,” Blair says. “There’s very little organized advocacy.”That’s why he created WIBM, which combines advocacy journalism and grassroots political action to draw attention to the unique needs of boys and men in Washington state. As a result, Washington state may become the first state in the US to establish a Commission on Boys & Men.“Without a focus on the male population, we think a lot is being missed,” Blair says. Advocacy is necessary to focus attention on (& find solutions for) issues that disproportionately harm boys & men.In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Blair discuss:Why boys need advocacyChallenges in advocating for boys & menDeveloping and demonstrating diverse support for boysHow to talk about boys’ issuesThe power of local advocacyWhy moms of boys are such great advocates for boysHow to start advocating for boysLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Washington Initiative for Boys & Men7 Democrats, 7 Republicans Sponsor 2024 Commission on Boys & Men Legislation — article highlighting the diverse support for a WA Commission on Boys & MenUpdated one-pager about WA legislation to develop a Commission on Boys & MenWhat is the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men? Blair Daly Explains — YouTube videoBoys Moms as Boy Advocates — ON BOYS episode featuring Gemma Gaudette50/50 Shared Parenting — ON BOYS episodeReal Talk about Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana — ON BOYS episodeTalk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.comSponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.armoire.style* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefinedAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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    43 mins
  • Gifted & Twice-Exceptional (2E) Boys

    Gifted & Twice-Exceptional (2E) Boys
    Apr 11 2024
    Gifted & twice-exceptional boys often struggle in school, despite their intelligence & talents.In fact, boys who are gifted or twice-exceptional (which means they are gifted & have a learning disability) are considered “problem kids.” Teachers (and other adults) may make boredom as lack of focus, or assume that poor grades indicate lack of intelligence. For many 2E boys, their learning disabilities overshadow their giftedness; for others, their giftedness hides their learning disabilities, says Deborah (Deb) Gennarelli, a gifted education specialist who is also the author of Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right. Intensity is part of giftedness — a part that frequently presents challenges for gifted & 2E boys. “Intensity is treated different in boys than in girls in this culture,” Deb says. Teachers & parents may punish or try to “fix” boys’ intensity, which typically only creates more problems.Gifted & 2E boys need support to thrive. “We can’t ignore the fact that students that have high intelligence look at things in different ways, behave in different ways, learn in different ways,” Deb says. “With the right support, these boys can go from surviving to thriving.”In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Deb discuss:Myths & misconceptions about gifted & 2E boysSpecial challenges for gifted & 2E boysWhy many smart boys struggle in schoolAdvocating for gifted & 2E boysParenting gifted & 2E boysLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right, by Deborah Gennarelli, M.Ed.www.deborahgennarelli.com — Deb’s websiteTwice-Exceptional Boys (w Ramsey Hootman) — ON BOYS episodeWhen Your Kid is the Classroom Problem Child — heartbreaking The Cut article about a 2E boyTwice Exceptional Students — info from the National Association for Gifted ChildrenTwice Exceptional — classic Building Boys postTalk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.comSponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.Jen’s Feb. Armoire haulOur Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.armoire.style* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: * Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefinedAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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    45 mins
  • Real Talk About Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana

    Real Talk About Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana
    Apr 4 2024
    Like it or not, fentanyl, other opioids, and marijuana are part of our boys’ world.“It is very easy to get drugs on social media,” says Michelle Leopold, a mother who’s son, Trevor, died after taking a pill he purchase online.Ignoring these uncomfortable fact isn’t helpful. We have to educate ourselves and educate our boys. Here’s why:Marijuana harms young brainsToday’s marijuana and marijuana-based products are far stronger than those of the past.“It’s so important to learn about today’s marijuana,”Michelle says. Although marijuana and THC products are now legal in many states, study after study has shown that these products are not safe for developing brains.Fentanyl killsIn 2019, Trevor, age 18, swallowed a blue pill he thought was oxycodone. It wasn’t.Despite its markings, there was no oxycodone in the pill. The pill Trevor purchased was a counterfeit pill, & it contained fentanyl, a narcotic that’s 100 times more powerful than morphine, 50 times more powerful than heroin—and lethal at just a few grains.Trevor didn’t get high; Trevor died.According to the US. Dept of Justice, over 150 people die every day from overdoses related to synthetic opioids like fentanyl. As many as 7 in 10 counterfeit pills — pills sold online & purported to be oxycodone or other “prescription” meds — may now contain a lethal dose of fentanyl.“People now need to assume that any drug they don’t get from their pharmacist has fentanyl in it,” Michelle says. “The odds are not in your favor.”“I am going to use Trevor’s story to prevent other parents from losing their children.” — Michelle LeopoldIn this episode, Jen, Janet, & Michelle discuss:How marijuana can affect teens & familiesRecognizing signs of drug useCannabinoid hyperemesis syndromeParenting a child who is using substancesJust Say KNOW vs. Just Say NoWhere teens and young adults are getting drugs & pillsGetting & using naloxone (Narcan)Recognizing & responding to an overdoseLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Marijuana to Fentanyl: My Son is More Than a Statistic — post by Michellewww.wearenotalone.community — Michelle’s blog (packed w info!)Addiction Inoculation w Jessica Lahey — ON BOYS episodeTroubled Boys (w Kenneth R Rosen) — ON BOYS episodeAnother View of Wilderness Therapy — ON BOYS episodehttp://drugfree.org/ and toll-free Helpline (1-855-DRUGFREE / 1-855-378-4373) TheNewDrugTalk.orgSAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357 (Confidential free help, from public health agencies, to find substance use treatment and information)SongForCharlie.org https://www.dea.gov/onepilldancesafe.org (Fentanyl Test Strips and Drug Checking Kits)Adding Naloxone to Your First Aid Kit — Decipher Your Health post (NOTE: Jen now has naloxone in her home)shatterproof.org — includes a Narcan training videoAl-Anon — support for family & friends of people w alcohol use disorderNar-Anon — support for family & friends of people who use narcoticsSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.Jen’s Feb. Armoire haulSponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.armoire.style* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefinedAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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    53 mins
  • 50/50 Shared Parenting

    50/50 Shared Parenting
    Mar 28 2024
    50/50 shared parenting is good for boys & good for parents. But it’s not yet the norm, despite decades of research demonstrating the value of shared parenting.“It’s one part sexism and one part misunderstanding of the latest social science around what it best for kids,” says Emma Johnson, author of The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce. “”Thankfully, we are barreling toward a better future. No one’s really been able to quantify where or how often 50/50 is happening, but it’s definitely better than when I divorced 15 years ago.”Why 50/50 parenting should be the defaultChildren (and parents) thrive when they have regular, close connection. The exact number of minutes or days children and parents spend together isn’t as important as regular, routine interaction — and that’s what 50/50 shared parenting schedules provide.“Kids then know, intellectually, emotionally, and in their hearts that my mom and dad are both in it to win it. No one’s going to check out, slip out, or move away. No one’s got the upper hand,” Emma says.Shared parenting also gives both parents time to practice parenting and time to focus on work, adult connections, and self-care. And seeing both parents actively involved in parenting and work broadens children’s ideas of work and family. As Emma writes in her book, “An equal 50/50 parenting presumption is the one policy change that could dramatically help tens of millions of children, their families, and communities, without any additional funding.”In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Emma discuss:Benefits of shared parenting for parents & childrenThe role of sexism in parenting – & parenting decisions post-divorceWhy you need to let go of the idea of being the “better” parentParental gatekeepingSharing caregiving and financial responsibilityCo-parenting when your separation or divorce was not amicableSocietal benefits of 50/50 parentingLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce, by Emma JohnsonSingle Parenting w Wealthy Single Mommy Emma Johnson –– ON BOYS episodeParenting Boys Thru Divorce — ON BOYS episodeIs Shared Parenting Best for Boys After Divorce? — BuildingBoys postMoms for Shared Parenting –– an activist organization promoting equally shared parenting Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.Jen’s Feb. Armoire haulSponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy!Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.armoire.style* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: * Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefinedAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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    48 mins
  • Marc Hauser on Building Resilience

    Marc Hauser on Building Resilience
    Mar 21 2024
    Building boys’ resilience can help them thrive, says Marc Hauser. Even if they’ve experienced a lot of adversity.“Adversity experienced by children is not a rare event, but a relatively common event,” says Marc, author of Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma & the Hope of Resilience. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) may include abuse, violence, neglect, poverty, and loss of a caregiver, and these experiences can negatively affect kids’ development.But although research linking ACEs to behavioral problems and decreased academic achievement has been around for more than two decades, many adults still do not understand that adverse experiences may be at the root of children’s behavioral issues. Boys who act up (or out) at school, at home, or in the community are frequently met with punishment, not understanding.Shifting your mindset from What’s wrong with you? to What happened to you? What’s happening? can be “transformative,” Marc says.The 5 Ts (& How They Impact ACEs)All adverse experiences are not equal. There are 5 Ts that can impact a child’s adverse experiences:Type – Poverty may impact a child differently than sexual abuse or loss of a caregiver, for instance.Tenure – How long is the child exposed to the adverse experience? Is it relatively fleeting, or a persistent issue over many months or years?Timing – When, during the child’s development, did they experience an adverse event? Some ACEs are particularly impactful if they occur during specific phases of development.Toxicity — This describes the severity of the event. Broadly speaking, severe physical abuse is typically more impactful than mild physical abuse.Turbulence – How unpredictable and uncontrollable is the event?In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Marc discuss:Prevalence of ACEsHow exposure to trauma affects parents & their parenting practicesACEs impact on malesThe COVID pandemic’s impact on boysStrategies boys (& others) can use to mitigate the impact of ACEsLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma & the Hope of Resilience, by Marc Hausermarcdhauser.com — Marc’s websiterisk-eraser.com“Whole Child, Whole Life” with Stephanie Malia Krauss — ON BOYS episodeAdverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) & Muscle Dysphoria — ON BOYS episodeSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.Jen’s Feb. Armoire haulSponsor Spotlight: Dabble & DollopNatural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order!Sponsor Spotlight: American Blossom LinensGrown, spun, & woven in the USA. Use code ONBOYS to save 20%.Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy!Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.armoire.style* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: * Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefinedAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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    52 mins