There are times when decisions must be made quickly, but this is not the norm. In most cases, we put unnecessary stress on ourselves and on our marriage by trying to make the decision as quickly as possible. Once you and your spouse have all the information and have had a chance to really talk about it, pause the conversation. Make an intentional decision to give yourself and your spouse some time to go through the next four steps to make a good decision.

In most situations, people spend the most time thinking about how they want to handle the situation. They are quick to dismiss anyone else’s opinion, and their spouse is no exception. However, if we are going to make a wise decision, one that will benefit our family the most, we must work together with our spouse.

Once both opinions have been communicated out, take some time to process the information. Weight your options to figure out what would be the best decision. This step can take as little or as much time as you need. The main thing here is to just make sure you have all the information to make the best decision you can.

This is the most important step of all. We need to be prayerful about the decisions that we need to make. The truth is God wants to be a part of our lives. He wants to be a part of the little decisions as much as He wants to be a part of the big ones.

The Word tell us in James 1:5 that if we lack wisdom we should pray and ask for it. We serve a good God who wants to give us good gifts and wisdom is definitely one of them. Praying together with your spouse is a great way to deepen your connection as husband and wife. There is something very special about hearing your spouse talk to God. It is a great reminder that they do have your best interest at heart and want to do what is right for their families.

If praying is not something that you and your spouse do often check out The Greater than 11Prayer Challenge. There are so many benefits to praying together with your spouse, and this challenge will help you become intentional about praying together every day.

The final step is acting on the decision you have made. If you take the time to really go through these steps with your spouse, you will be in a much better position to make a wise decision, even if it’s a hard one.

The best-case scenario is you and your spouse come to a full agreement through this process and you can proceed together. However, I have found that in the moments where the full agreement does not come, there is still a peace. If I know that Alex has really thought about and prayed about something, it is easier for me to trust him even if I am not in full agreement. I can do this because I fully trust he has my best interest at heart, he has spoken to the Father about it, and he would never make a decision that would intentionally hurt us.

Whether or not you come out on the same page or not, I can promise you that if you use these five steps in a positive way, they will bring you closer to each other. A trust and deepen connection will form between you and your spouse.

Try to wait and only make a hard decision after you have been able to eat and rest. This is just something Alex and I have realized in our own personal lives. We do not make the best decisions if we are tired or hungry. Once we have gotten some food and some rest, we are in a much better place to make wise decisions. In fact, we are just able to communicate better as a whole after a good meal and some rest.

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

Hello friends and welcome to the A Beautiful Adventure Marriage podcast. On our last episode, we gave you 6 out of 12 things that every marriage should avoid to be healthy and happy. We discussed…

1. Constant Criticism and Belittling

2. Being Secretive and Lying

3. Silent Treatment

4. Holding Grudges

5. Confiding Too Much in Others

6. Giving Ultimatums

These are in no order but they all are equally damaging to a relationship.

In this episode we are back for part 2. We have 6 more things that every marriage should avoid. So Alex let’s dive in…

Disrespect and Name Calling

Conflict is inevitable and arguments will happen in marriage. Although these moments will happen you and your spouse can still maintain a level of composure.

One way you can show respect is by choosing your words wisely. Name-calling is detrimental to a relationship. It’s a level of disrespect that will slowly and effectively destroy a marriage.

Unfaithfulness

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4

When you say, “I do”, you are committing solely to be with one person for the rest of your life. Regardless of the uniqueness of every marriage, sleeping with someone else is wrong and will bring nothing but damage to your marriage. God intended marriage to be between one man and one woman. Marriage in itself is a ministry, but only when we honor our vows by remaining faithful to God and each other.

Putting Children/Others Before Your Spouse

In Biblical order, our spouse comes before everyone but God. However, there are a lot of people who get this one out of order. So Biblical order is God, Spouse, Children, everything else. This means no one should come before your spouse except God, and that includes children, friends, and family.

This is not to say that you do not love those people well, it just means they are not your number one priority 100% of the time.

Using Sex as a Weapon

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5

Within a marriage sex is a gift. It was given to us by a good God. Because sex is so important in a marriage it should never be used as a weapon. We should avoid withholding sex from our spouses to punish them or teach them a lesson.

For the people who use this tactic, thing about this… sex is a gift that God gave us specifically for the marriage relationship. When you use it as a weapon, you are taking God’s gift and using it for evil. Nothing and I meant absolutely NOTHING will come out of manipulating someone like that.

Never Spending Time Together

Marriage can be so much fun. You get to do life with your best friend. However, that particular bond cannot form if you and your spouse never spend time together. A packed schedule can be a threat to a marriage. If you have absolutely no free time to spend time with your spouse, your marriage will suffer in the long run.

Always Avoid Abuse

Although some of the things mentioned are forms of abuse, we still wanted to take a
moment and emphasize that all abuse is wrong. Not only should we avoid abuse, it should not be tolerated in a marriage at all.

There are so many different forms of abuse that it would be impossible to name them all. However, if you find yourself in a position where physical, verbal, or emotional abuse is present please get help. Please do not stay in a dangerous environment. That is not normal, and you do not desire that!

For sure, marriage can be a beautiful thing, but it won’t be if the things mentioned above or other abuse are happening! It may take some work to change things around, but your marriage is worth it!

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

In our last podcast, we gave you 5 ways to reconstruct your marriage if it was going through a hard season. However, your marriage could be in a really good place, but there are still things you and your spouse want to accomplish. When it comes to reconstructing your marriage or just continuing to make it better, you need to have a plan.

So join us for this episode where we will teach you how to set SMART goals for your marriage.

And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. Habakkuk 2:2

If you are listening to us right now, my prayer is that you want to invest in your marriage and you want to set some attainable goals. With the information we have for you we believe you can set both short-term and long-term goals that you can achieve and grow your marriage.

When you are setting your goals do not make them vague. If you do it will be hard to figure out if you have indeed accomplished them. The more specific you can be the better. That way you will know exactly what you are working toward, and you will know exactly when you achieve it.

By making your goal measurable it will be easier to track. You will be able to see your progress which will keep you moving forward until you achieve it. If you can’t measure your progress, you can become frustrated when it seems nothing is happening. Frustration can lead you into giving up entirely.

Make sure you are working toward a goal that is possible. Now that is not to say that the goal can’t be challenging. Some goals will take a lot of work to accomplish and that is perfectly fine. Great fulfillment will come when you accomplish a goal that took effort. Just be sure that regardless of the challenge that it can be attained. If you set a goal that is impossible, you are just giving the enemy a weapon to use against you.

When setting goals, be honest with yourself. You know what you and your spouse are capable of in this season. Set goals that are relevant and realistic for the season that you are in. As the seasons of your life and marriage change, your capacity will change as well, but start where you are and work from there. We all have different starting lines. Find yours and set yourself up for success.

Give each goal its own deadline. Some will be short-term goals that can be checked off the list quickly. Others may take months or even years to accomplish. Give each goal a realistic time frame and then work toward that.

Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. Proverbs 16:3

When we take the time to set SMART goals, it will make our lives so much easier. When we have a plan it is always easier to execute it. But let’s not forget the most important step… include the Father. Pray about these goals. Asking the Lord to reveal to you what it is He wants you both to accomplish in your marriage, and also ask Him to help you as you and your spouse go through the whole process.

The Lord not only has given you goals and dreams to achieve but He wants to be a part of it all. Don’t think you have to do this on your own. He is here and wants to help you and your spouse accomplish great things.

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

Statistics say that couples who pray together every day lower their divorce rate to under 1%. However, only 11% of couples are praying together. For this reason, Alex and I started the Greater than 11 Prayer Challenge, where we are encouraging couples to pray together for 31 days, in hopes that this will develop habits of prayer in their marriage, thereby lowering the divorce rate, by making the number of couples praying greater than 11.

In this episode, we are going to be talking about the power of prayer in a marriage but we have a special guest for you. We will be talking to Chris and Jamie Bailey. They are marriage counselors and coaches, and they founded Expedition Marriage. Their mission is to help every marriage, regardless of what season it is in to find joy, satisfaction, connection, and restoration.

They will be sharing some of their story and experience with prayer. This one is going to be a good one. So, let’s go!

You can find Chris and Jamie at www.expeditionmarriage.org

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

Hello friends, and welcome back!

So if you are listening to us right now. I am assuming you have already listened to part 1 of 5 Ways to Reconstruct a Marriage where we gave you the first two ways to get your marriage out of a hard season.

Even though there are a lot of ways you can invest in your marriage to get it out of a bad season, we believe these 5 ways work really well in the order we are presenting them, so if you haven't listened to part 1 head on over there and we will be here when you get back!

Part 2 of 5 Ways to Reconstruct Your Marrage

Repair

After you have removed the negative things in your marriage, you will likely need to repair the damage those areas caused.

The first things that will need to be repaired will probably be forgiveness and grace.

During hard seasons grace is hard to maintain, especially if forgiveness is not present. However, a marriage without grace will not succeed. It will not go the distance.

And remember, it’s ok to get help! You do not have to do this on your own.

Even after you have reestablished grace and forgiveness there may be other areas in your marriage that need more repairs than you both can handle. In these cases, don’t be ashamed to get help. If it just seems too hard, get a therapist or a pastor to help you repair your marriage.

Revive

Now is the time to start doing things that will revive your marriage. After you have taken out what has caused the problems, and you have started to repair the broken areas, it’s time to invest in your marriage in ways that will build it back up.

You can refer back to the questions you answered from the reset step about what would benefit your marriage to get started with this step. 

Making investments in your marriage should be something that you do for the rest of your life. When it comes to a relationship you can never be passive and expect a good outcome. Try to find daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly ways to revive your marriage. 

Rediscovery

The final step in this process is to start rediscovering your spouse Whether you have been married for days or years. There is always something new you can learn about them that you didn’t know. 

There are tons of ways you can start rediscovering your spouse.

The main way is to go on dates and simply ask questions. It's amazing where an open conversation can go.

 Another way to learn something new is to take a personality test. You can find out the way the Lord wired you and your spouse by taking a few tests like Meyers Briggs, the Enneagram, and the Temperaments test. We have taken all of these and have learned so much about each other.

 www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

Hello Friends,

Have you ever been in a season of marriage where nothing seems to be going your
way? Does everything you do or say turns into an argument? Instead of your home being a safe place, do you find yourself walking on eggshells every day, trying to avoid conflict?

If this sound familiar, the two next episode of our podcast can help. We are going to break down 5 ways you can rescontruct your marriage.

There are seasons in marriage that may seem impossible to get through, this is true for everyone. Alex and I have gone through a few of those seasons in our own marriage. However, you and your spouse will have to work together as a team to get through it. I know this is true because that is exactly how we have gotten through our hard seasons. We decide to work together instead of fighting against each other.

Every marriage is different and you may have to do a major reconstruction on your marriage, but it’s possible to be happy again.

Step 1 in Reconstructing Your Marriage

Do a Reset

The first step in this reconstruction process will be looking at your marriage and deciding what needs to be reset. 

You can start the reset process but sitting down with your spouse and going through
some questions.

What’s not working in our marriage?
What are we doing that guarantees an argument will happen?
When\where does the conflict occur the most?

You can also ask questions during this reset process that can help you and your spouse to move forward.

Are there things we use to do, that we have stopped doing?
What brought life and laughter into our marriage? Are they still happening?
Is there something we could establish that we have never done before?
What is something we can do on a regular basis to invest in our marriage?

These are just a few questions to get you started. The objective here is to sit down and figure out what needs to change in order to get your marriage into a healthy rhythm that will allow it to grow. Then you can move on to the next step.

Step 2 in Reconstructing Your Marriage

Remove Anything Causing Conflict

After you have looked at the areas that need a reset, now it’s time to figure out what needs to be
removed from your marriage.

You can start by seeing if the following is happening in your relationship.

Criticizing and Complaining
If criticism and complaining are normal in your marriage they should be the first two things that you remove. They will cause your marriage to be in a constant negative state, and nothing will change or get better in a negative atmosphere.

Another common issue in marriages are…
Unrealistic or Uncommunicated Expectations
These expectations will only lead to conflict because they can never be fulfilled which leads to resentment and frustration. 

Do an inventory of what your expectations are, if they are unrealistic, remove them altogether.

If your expectations are just uncommunicated, sit down with your spouse and talk through them.

Expectations are way more likely to be carried out if you actually communicate them to the person that needs to know them. 

Just like with the reset option, each marriage is different, so take an honest look at your relationship and decided together what needs to be completely removed so change can come, and then do everything you can to remove them.

Join us on our next episode as we give you the other 3 ways you can reconstruct your marriage.

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

Hello friends,

So as Christians we all believe that Jesus is the Son of God however not every Christian culture is exactly the same. Some of you may be very familiar with the term life-giving but there is a possibility that you haven’t heard those particular words, but you may have heard the same message it stands for. Although you will not find the term “life-giving” in the Bible, it is Biblically-based – Let’s break it down.

To be “life-giving” means to inspire and encourage others through positive words and behaviors. It’s partnering with someone through word or deed to help them accomplish a goal. It is cheering someone on instead of tearing someone down.

We see this Biblical idea multiple times in the Word of God.

Therefore encourage (admonish, exhort) one another and edify (strengthen and build up) one another, just as you are doing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

And let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may stir up (stimulate and incite) to love and helpful deeds and noble activities, not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together [as believers], as is the habit of some people, but admonishing (warning, urging, and encouraging) one another, and all the more faithfully as you see the day approaching. – Hebrews 10:24-25

The Word is clear that we are to partner with others to encourage and inspire them. I believe there is no better place to start this practice than in our marriages. We have been given a divine gift and opportunity to be the first and loudest “life-giver” to our spouses.

But where do we begin if this is not something you have heard before? Let’s start with two easy steps.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life]. – Proverbs 18:21

So often in marriage, we are the first negative voice our spouse hears. You may not even realize you are doing this. This is something that we should be aware of, and shift from negative to positive.

This one shift can change the atmosphere of your marriage. By simply taking negativity out, you can become a life-giving spouse.

The second thing you can do to become a life-giving spouse is to whisper criticism, but shout praise.

Whisper Criticism

If your brother wrongs you, go and show him his fault, between you and him privately. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother. – Matthew 18:15

If you find yourself at a point where you need to say something to your spouse, my first words of advice are to PRAY and then PRAY AGAIN. Yes, we are called to help others to grow according to Matthew 18, but we are not Holy Spirit Junior. Our words carry great weight with our spouses, so be sure you have prayed a lot and asked the Lord for the perfect timing and words for what needs to happen. After that, whisper the criticism.

Shout Praise

Withhold no good from those to whom it is due [its rightful owners], when it is in the power of your hand to do it. – Proverbs 3:27

Here is the fun one. When your spouse has done something praiseworthy shout it from the rooftops. Call a friend, post it on Facebook, and share it with your family. Let the world know how awesome they are and how thankful you are for them.

This has a two-fold reward.

First, it builds your spouse up. When a person feels appreciated it, encourages them to continue in the right direction. 

Second, it shows the world that marriage is a good idea. It shows them that you can be happy, healthy, and married.

As you can see, our words have the power not only to change our marriages, but it can change the world. People are hurting and looking for hope. When you start loving your spouse well and speaking life to them the people outside of your marriage will notice as well.

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com