Alien Love Island

It's not every day I tie up an alien warrior king. It's because, in part, he put his hands down my pants to retrieve a top-secret package. Hey, where else was I going to put it? For reasons he's not telling me, he wants this mysterious package. My orders are to deliver it, and not to him.

On Alien Love Island, the days are hot, but the nights are scorching. So about getting voted off this reality dating show...maybe now I don't want to. Except the island's mysteries keep coming, and despite the raw attraction I feel toward Maxx, and the blossoming warmth in my heart for him, I think he might be hiding something from me.

Reality TV has never looked so good, but has it always been so dangerous? This show delivers so much drama, I can't even see straight. Maybe it's all the day-drinking...that I never got around to. Or the mysterious jungle with its never-ending secrets and flower petals that put me to sleep. Or maybe it's my big, purple alien warrior who practically blinds me with how pretty he is.

As I set off alone on this little deranged planet, I begin to learn what makes it tick...and I don't like what I hear. Not one bit. See, there was an attempted kidnapping, and for once, the victim wasn't me. She's innocent. She's scared. She didn't almost get whisked away to a reality dating show where the contestants brag about typing their college thesis on a waffle maker and still getting an A.