Showing results by author "Bill Schmalfeldt" in All Categories

Some mysteries are better left unsolved. Some insurance claims are better left unpaid. Max Payload has had enough of murder. After a particularly unpleasant case involving five dead debutantes and an exceptionally ugly cat, the hard-boiled Boston private detective decides it’s time for a quieter line of work. Life insurance. His first assignment for Eternal Rest Mutual Life & Casualty seems simple enough. A fellow named Wilbur Whateley wants to collect $2,500 on his mother’s life insurance policy. There’s just one problem. Nobody can find the body.

Imagine the biblical book of Revelations, rewritten by Woody Allen or Mel Brooks.

It’s January 2029. The voters voted. The states certified. The Electoral College met. Congress prepared to count the votes. Everything was proceeding exactly as the Founders intended. Donald Trump had other ideas.

What if, one ordinary morning, humanity discovered that animals could suddenly understand us… and talk back? In The Cats Have Notes, Sam Peterson and his wife Sally wake to a world forever changed when their three household cats begin carrying on perfectly understandable conversations. Morgana, the self-important Maine Coon mix; Melisandre, the sardonic black cat with a Goth streak; and Grizabella, the sharp-tongued young tabby, suddenly have opinions about everything—from food and litter boxes to television, politics, personal privacy, and the baffling habits of humans.

When a devastating EMP attack wipes out the electrical grid across the United States, the people of Clinton, Iowa suddenly find themselves cut off from the modern world—no phones, no internet, no refrigeration, no idea whether the federal government still exists, and only three days’ worth of patience remaining. Mayor Frank Ramey is trying to keep the city functioning with lanterns, rationed gasoline, and whatever remains of Midwestern common sense.

What if the end of the world were postponed because the invading aliens got overbooked? What if artificial intelligence suddenly began answering every question exactly the way a cat would? What if Death quietly took a well-earned vacation…and nobody on Earth could die anymore? What if the Second Coming returned to Earth only to discover that miracles are no substitute for proper paperwork? And what if the most frightening thing in the Book of Revelations wasn’t the Beast……but the Standards and Practices department?

For his second Podiobook, Bill Schmalfeldt goes from the sublime to the ridiculous. His follow-up to the non-fiction "No Doorway Wide Enough" is this fanciful, hilarious narrative, voiced by disgraced, former alcoholic truck driver Billy Big Rig (who can never reveal his real name because everyone wants to kill him) who -- if he is to be believed -- infiltrated a terror cell, went to Afghanistan, and single-handedly saved America from another terror attack in the days after 9/11. Along the way, he shares his philosophy about life, love, truckstop meals and waitresses, men's room protocol, how ...

It was just about three weeks after his 45th birthday in 2000 when Bill Schmalfeldt was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. In 2007 while working at a federal agency as a writer and podcaster, telling other people about the importance of clinical trials, Bill heard about and volunteered for an experimental brain surgery to determine whether or not "deep brain stimulation" could be done on patients in the earlier stages of the disease. This is the story of Bill's "Parkinson's Decade" from being diagnosed in 2000, to having the surgery in 2007, through today. The story is told in a humorous, ...

This is Deep Brain Radio -- comedy, satire, parody with a sardonic touch.

Mud and Jake Klemper were special boys. Their father knew how special they were although his constant browbeating did little to encourage their special gift. But he did instill them with one thing - "The Klemper Pride." The boys would have lived their lives unknown and uncared about in Slope Oak, Iowa, if not for a little song Mud and Jake composed one hot afternoon. It became a monster hit. As a result of their success, the boys became international superstars.

Bill Schmalfeldt is serving notice. It's time for Parkinson's disease patients to stop being invisible. It's time for a nationwide effort to raise awareness about crippling degenerative neurological disorder and the havoc it wreaks on American families - approximately 1.5 million people currently have a PD diagnosis with 50-thousand new cases each year. Having had PD himself since 2000 at age 45, Bill volunteered for experimental brain surgery in 2007.