Showing results by narrator "Joel Simler" in All Categories

In a world filled with powerful witches and wizards, Professor Marcus Orren is about as magical as your average brick, leading to a life of rampant cynicism, coupled with mild-to-moderate alcohol abuse. His latest theory, an academic rebuttal of a God named Tomas, stands so air-tight that the Universe itself is forced to agree, promptly erasing the actual Tomas straight from existence. Unfortunately for Marcus, there are hundreds of Gods roaming the heavens above, and nearly all are the type to hold a grudge.

Earth crashed into interstellar politics as a lightweight, lagging so far behind other planetary weapons systems everyone feared they wouldn’t survive first contact with other worlds without quick action. But somebody is after more than Earth’s defense, and Jake, Cal, and Diane are on a trajectory to crash headlong into that dangerous plot. Somebody wants to play Earth against its most immediate threat, Craton, and convince both to develop super weapons - and he’s working with the person who killed Jake’s uncle all those years ago.

For many Americans who grew up in a small town, childhood and adolescence revolved around the skatepark. As time passes, however, these people drift away from skateboarding and the spaces where they learned to do it. Part memoir, part travelogue, part essay, Small Town Skateparks is the story of an adventure to discover the role skateparks play in such lives and the role they played in the author’s own.

Tsing was in love. Once. Now a blade, a horse, and a lucrative quest are all he needs. So, after an incredible night of passion with a green-eyed witch, he does what he always does—pays her handsomely and escapes the kingdom at full gallop. Erin is an indentured drudge—longing for freedom to walk her own path. So, the gold received after accidentally drinking a forbidden aphrodisiac is balm to her shame. All’s well and good—until she discovers her path to becoming a master dream walker involves a quest with the man who paid her.

The Best of Bizarro Fiction: Vol. 2 features 11 carefully crafted surreal tales of the absurd, the hilarious, and the outright horrific. Edited by Matthew A. Clarke.

Sunny—short for Sunshine—is the best there is. And she’s got at least ten years on me, so it’s not like there can be anything romantic. Older women have never been my vibe. So I’ll spend the time with her, alone on the boat, and soak up all the things she has to teach me. And do everything in my power to ignore just how good she looks while she does it.

Joanna Landau and Michael Golden guide you through the actual steps needed to successfully counter one of the greatest threats facing the Jewish people today: a Next Generation that is less and less connected to both Israel and their own Jewish identity. Whether you’re a devoted advocate for Israel, a Jewish community leader, or just a concerned parent or grandparent, this book is for you.

Sixth graders Dominic, Loop, and Z stumble upon a new magic shop in town and can't wait to spend their summer mastering cool tricks to gain access to the Vault, a key holders-only back room bound to hold all kinds of secrets. And once they get in, they set their sights even higher: a huge competition at the end of the summer. They work on their card tricks, sleights, and vanishing acts, trying to come up with the most awesome routines possible....Problem is, the trip is expensive, and it's money that each guy's family just doesn't have.

In 1999, the bestselling video game Tony Hawk’sPro Skater was released, and a new generation was exposed to skateboarding culture right in their very own homes. Kids and adults alike could now spend hours playing as actual skateboarders, learning the vernacular, listening to the music skateboarders loved, and having fun onscreen before trying to skate IRL in the driveway.

I never questioned my decision to marry Faith the day she turned eighteen. She needed to get out of her situation at home and, at nineteen, I already knew everything about everything, so in my mind it made perfect sense. We’d been pals for years. I loved her. She had no idea. But she was desperate for somebody to rescue her, and a marriage of convenience with me was a better—safer—choice than anything else she could find.

The galaxy is a colorful place and Crustacea is no exception. Born on a whim of a madman, the planet of psychic crabs evolved through a combination of radiation, cosmic energy and what scientists could only describe as 'the right vibes'. Now, the crustacean leadership must deal with the impending arrival of the first ambassador from the United Commission of planets, renegade lobsters, and foul creatures lurking in the deep.

Dalamaar orchestrates a complex plot to assassinate the King and the Ainoren, relying on numerous moving parts. However, unforeseen events and unexpected allies complicate his scheme, jeopardizing his plan. As tensions rise and loyalties are tested, the fate of the Ainoren hangs in the balance, leading to a suspenseful confrontation.