Showing results by publisher "-emdashery books-" in Humorous

Meet William Frederick Cody, a recently liberated merman-turned-cyborg who sets off in the semi-arid (okay, desert) climate of Traxia seeking the trusty horse he’s ordered. Instead, he’s saddled with a mischievous donkey. The donkey unseats him at the first opportunity, forcing this merman to travel on foot through the desert under the burning alien sun.

Martin just wanted some staples. It had been a long month-end meeting – and he’d spent most of it needing the toilet – so when he found himself traversing a portal instead of entering the supply closet, he could forgive himself for having gone through the wrong door. Stuck on Fuel Station Two, with a crew who’ve abandoned their designated mission, he has no choice but to make the best of a bizarre situation. Why has he been nominated to fly the spacecraft? Why does it feel like there’s a big secret he hasn’t been made privy to? And what’s the deal with the stripy cat?

Dan was just an average guy, overworked, underappreciated, and down on his luck. Until the end of the world came and gave him a system and with it a chance to be what he had always wanted to be. A Hero. But first, he needs to learn how to help himself stop dying.

The Pan of Hamgee needs answers, although he’s not even sure he knows the questions. He has a chance to go straight but it’s been so long that he’s almost forgotten how. Despite a death warrant over his head he is released, given a state-sponsored business, and a year’s amnesty for all misdemeanors while he adjusts. On the down side, Ruth has left him for his nemesis, Lord Vernon. The Pan doesn’t have a year, either. In only five days Lord Vernon will gain total power and destroy K'Barth. Unless The Pan can stop him.

When Darren’s charge-cart gets knocked off the Earth-to-Mars highway and lost in space forever, he thinks his day can’t get any worse. When Kelly sees Darren accidentally short-circuit a talking lamppost, and its camera captures her face as it expires, she thinks her day can’t get any worse. When Pamasonic Teffal, a sentient breadmaker, is sent on a top-secret mission into the depths of the Internet and betrayed by her boss, a power-crazed smartphone, she knows this is only the beginning of a day that isn’t going to get any better. Join Darren, Kelly, and Pam in an anarchic comic adventure.

Plucked from time, Sir Thomas More arrives on the human colony of Astrobe in the year AD 2535, where there is trouble in utopia: Can he and his motley followers save this golden world from the Programmed Persons, and the soulless perfection they have engineered? The survival of faith itself is at stake in this thrilling, uncategorizable, wildly inventive first novel - but the adventure is more than one of ideas. As astonishingly as Philip K. Dick and other visionaries of the 1960s new wave, Lafferty turns the conventions of space-opera science fiction upside down and inside out.

Noah Beckett was living a perfectly average life—regular job, mild coffee addiction, zero expectation of being humanity’s last hope. But then, a voice in the sky informed the good people of Earth that they had been drafted into an intergalactic war, and suddenly, survival became his full-time occupation. As promised, a relentless invasion of alien knights descends, reducing our planet to a smoldering battlefield. Their armor shrugs off bullets. Their swords cut through steel. Their goal? Annihilate humankind. Noah’s goal? Find his wife. Don’t die. Maybe punch an alien in the face.

Since long before the spaceships' fleeting presence, Blaine has been content to go along with the whims of his supermom wife and half-feral, television-addicted children. But when the kids blithely ponder skinning people to see if they're aliens, and his wife drags them all on a surprise road trip to Disney World, even steady Blaine begins to crack. Half a continent away, Heather floats in a Malibu pool and watches the massive ships hover overhead. Maybe her life is finally going to start.

Three steamy alien abduction romance audiobooks in one boxset! If you love hot aliens, strong heroines and hilarious misunderstandings, listen to this collection today! These aliens have no idea how to abduct a human. Alien abductions aren't easy. Havel, Matar and Xil have failed too many times to count. Their only hope is enrolling in an abduction course at the prestigious Intergalactic University. To complete their course, these three sexy aliens need to abduct, probe, and tame a human female - and they’re graded on it.

It started out as a simple weapons delivery to a planetary warlord. But when Adam Cain—AKA The Human—is asked to transport an innocuous-looking package back to the warlord's capital, things take a turn for the worse. Yeah, you know what happens: Adam looks in the package! Now meet Siri, a sexy, feline-like mutant whose special powers have made her the target of the two most powerful warlords on the planet Ellios.

Where the Ley Lines Meet is what happens when the mystical misfits and their alien brethren are recalled to earth to reunite and save the world. The storylines and characters fans have come to love in the prior four books reappear in this continuation and conclusion of The Claire Saga. Or is it?

It’s Sunset Station! Where astronaut Kris Standard and her crack team of fellow astronauts work tirelessly to bring us the future of space travel for a fraction of the cost! On Sunset Station! cost-effectiveness is baked into in the design specs! Really! “Ask not how to do it, ask how to do it for less” is our motto! When it comes to Sunset Station! keeping six people alive in space on a budget is no problem! Just as long as everything continues to work exactly right! Because if something goes wrong…? Dear God, nothing better go Sunset Station! Nothing ever goes wrong! Ever!

Since mankind first climbed down from the trees, we have looked out to the stars. We looked outward, wondering what secrets to our existence are out there. Professor John Spanks is about to discover the biggest secret the universe has. John has his world turned upside down when he discovers that all this time, we were looking the wrong way!

Triana Moore, maintenance bot technician on Station Kelly-Kornienko, prefers life in orbit where the air is purified, the commute is short, and nature doesn’t get all over you. But when a minor infraction gets her sent to remedial training dirtside, she doesn’t complain. Who wouldn’t enjoy a few days of sitting in the sunshine, eating gourmet burgers, and drinking too much Jager Hula?

Private investigator Frank Harken’s worldwide fame has only made him more cynical. And living in a giant mall covering the entire USA only serves to drive him nuts on a daily basis. So, when a femme fatale barges in asking Harken to track down her sister, he knows when he’s heard an offer too good to be true.

Doug wasn’t sure whether he should trust Satan. The red flag was that he said he was Satan. But the deal was good: Listen to Satan’s story in exchange for some donuts. And Doug only half-fulfilled his part of the bargain. But maybe he should have listened better, because during his friend Bryce’s next scheme (theft with light to moderate treason - the usual), Doug and the rest of his friends - Lulu (the fun one) and Charlene (the not fun one) - end up with a powerful artifact, a small metal cube with world-ending power that Lulu decorated with bunnies.

What if you went to heaven and no one there believed in Earth? This is the question at the heart of Beforelife, a satirical novel that follows the postmortem adventures of widower Ian Brown, a man who dies in the book’s first moments and finds himself in an afterlife where no one else believes in “pre-incarnation”. The other residents of the afterlife have mysteriously forgotten their premortem lives and think that anyone who remembers a mortal life is suffering from a mental disorder called the “Beforelife Delusion”.

Through strange metaphysical circumstances, failed screenwriter Brad Cohen finds himself caught in an infinite time loop, forced to relive the first forty years of his life again and again. Each "repeat," Brad wakes up in the womb on what was supposed to be his fortieth birthday, with full knowledge of what's come before. In various timelines, he becomes a successful political pundit, a game-show champion, a playboy, and a master manipulator of the stock market, but none of them seems to lead him out of his predicament.

It is 2085, and Truckee Wallace, a factory worker in Crunchtown 407 (formerly Little Rock, Arkansas, before the secessions), has no grand ambitions besides maybe, possibly, losing his virginity someday. But when Truckee is thrust unexpectedly into the spotlight, he is tapped by the president for a sensitive political mission: to deliver a talking goat across the continent. The fate of the world depends upon it. The problem is - Truckee’s not sure it’s worth it.

A year has passed since the disastrous Elysium massacre that left Keiko "Kei" Springs traumatized and hungry for revenge against her former mentor, Snake. However, going after the world's second most powerful man is not as easy as it sounds. Kei must make a series of deadly alliances and navigate the complicated web of politics that will give her a chance to take him down. But will going after him destroy the family she's managed to build?