Showing results by publisher "----RM Alexander" in Humorous

Leo MacGavin is not the brightest specimen of humanity, but when he inadvertently rescues a flirty alien heiress, he’s promoted from second-rate lounge entertainer to captain of the galaxy’s most sophisticated cruise ship. Before he can flee in terror, a human-hating executive gives Leo an ultimatum: complete the vessel’s maiden voyage or mankind’s last colony will be turned into a sewage dump. To make matters worse, a militant cyborg is undermining his authority, a giant spider is terrifying the passengers, and a sentient plant keeps stealing all the beer.

Tremendous. Tremendously tremendous. Tremendous in its tremendocity. That is how I would describe book four in the Arena series. I say so. Everyone says so. But mostly, I say so. My best friend, Marc Havak, who I hand-picked to represent the planet Earth in an interstellar gladiatorial competition, has kicked-butt and taken names, as I knew he would. Everyone I pick wins. And they win bigly. But this audiobook, wow, this one is amazing. Intense action with yours truly saving the day and telling these alien losers how much they suck? You're hired.

Introducing Leland Hale, who will steal your heart - and all your money! Fraud, larceny, and murder are all in a day's work for this master interstellar confidence man. Leland thought the universe owed him a living - and he was collecting on the installment plan! He is about to descend on the planet Cardigan's Green with a planetary scam designed to make him rich at the population's expense. What this scoundrel doesn't know is that he is about to become a savior! And if he survives this misadventure, he has two more brilliant schemes in mind.

Pursued by vengeful Goobalob toll collectors, savage Arachnoid bounty hunters, and formidable Amazonians, Captain Bartholomew Quasar must do whatever he can to keep the crew of the Effervescent Magnitude out of harm's way. All in a day's work - except time is not on his side. Torn from the present to relive his past, he vows to keep mistakes from occurring the second time around. But is he doomed to repeat history? Or can he erase his regrets?

It’s a miracle. The fountain of youth discovered flowing through the veins of postmillennials. In idyllic planned communities, freed from adulting and student loans, the young can live in guilt-free organic luxury. All it costs them is a weekly blood donation to extend the lives of their privileged elders. But prices are going up. There’s much more to the utopian Sunset Consortium than anyone realizes in this chilling trilogy.

In the year 2058, if you want someone to do the hands-on investigative work that requires a little finesse and sensitivity, not to mention the ability to shrug off a good beating in the process, then Zachary Nixon Johnson, the last freelance private eye on earth, is your man. What starts out as a simple missing-persons case for Zach quickly turns into a convoluted and desperate chase for the most unlikely weapon of unimaginable power ever conceived: the Bionic Bikini.

The world's last freelance detective, Zach Johnson, must find the assassin who murdered Sexy Sprocket and two other members of the World Council. His investigation leads him to the moon - and to a tall, sensuous, blue-haired beauty named Lea who possesses psychic powers and powerful ambitions....

In the year 2060, Zach Johnson, the world's only freelance private investigator, tackles his strangest case yet - solving the murders of two elves at the North Pole. Santana Clausa, the micro-mini-skirt-clad bombshell and frost-haired mutant who runs the Pole, hires Zach to stop the killer or killers before they strike again, destroying the holiday for billions. If the media gets whiff of the murders at the "happiest, safest place on Earth", mass panic is sure to ensue - and that's never a good thing.

With danger dodging his heels at every turn, Private Investigator Zachary Nixon Johnson, while protecting Sexy Sprockets, a talentless redheaded teen media superstar, from terrorists, finds himself at the mercy of three psionic, superhuman dominatrices bent on world domination.

In the year 2057, the last freelance private investigator, partnered with an experimental AI named Harv, solves cases involving androids, future tech wizards, and all sorts of mayhem.... When Ona Thompson, a genetically altered superwoman, media darling, and one of the indestructible Thompson Quads, discovers her sister's murdered body, a freelance private investigator who is wired to an experimental AI named HARV comes to the rescue.

My name is Zachary Nixon Johnson. The year is 2057, and after a handful of species-altering upheavals, Earth-shattering cataclysms, history-changing extraterrestrial contacts, and pop-culture disasters, the world is now a pretty safe place. But, of course, as in times past, people still run the shades-of-gray gamut from good to evil. There are still cops and robbers, saints and sinners, voters and politicians. And every once in a while some crazy thing happens that threatens all of society, all of humanity, even the entire space-time continuum. And it always happens on my watch.

In 2488, Battle Quest, an arrow shooting, sword fighting, magic slinging live action RPG, is the most popular sport in the universe. Tal works in a trash dump by day and fights in a street samurai pit by night. He dreams of becoming a Battle Quest pro to pull his sisters and grandmother from the slums. Problem is he’s too short, too broke, and his highlight vid-reel has more fails than an ogre’s got warts.

Only the wittiest, smarmiest, most sycophantic person in the galaxy can grift like Levi can. Levi is an interstellar con artist: all charm, no conscience. His only real love is his spaceship, Caerus—his symbol of status and freedom—which he is forced to surrender as loan collateral to the...

Martin just wanted some staples. It had been a long month-end meeting – and he’d spent most of it needing the toilet – so when he found himself traversing a portal instead of entering the supply closet, he could forgive himself for having gone through the wrong door. Stuck on Fuel Station Two, with a crew who’ve abandoned their designated mission, he has no choice but to make the best of a bizarre situation. Why has he been nominated to fly the spacecraft? Why does it feel like there’s a big secret he hasn’t been made privy to? And what’s the deal with the stripy cat?

You think you’re struggling to find your place in the universe? Consider poor old Colin Douglass, a terminally ill insurance agent who awakens from centuries in cryogenic freeze to find Earth is a devastated wasteland. Now, he’s being pursued by a homicidal interstellar tourist board, and calculating insurance dividends is as outdated as making stone axes. Sci-fi-hating technophobe Colin seeks a cure for his illness in this strange new galaxy where toilets talk back, and door handles are a long-forgotten relic.

Gabrielle’s younger sisters have arrived on Mars City! Despite their angelic appearance, Ariel and Michelle are a pair of troublemakers who are constantly arguing and seem intent on causing more mayhem for Alex, Gabrielle, and everyone else involved. They have also been set up in an arranged marriage to the same man. Naturally, that means Alex is going to protect them from the machinations of their father. That’s what heroes are supposed to do, after all. But unbeknownst to him, an even greater threat than fatherly schemes is lurking on Mars City.

Ten humorous science fiction stories telling of the retired scientist who invents an antidote to Murphy’s Law, a hen party in space, a train journey into a parallel world, and more.

Adam Cain had had worse days, but at the moment, he couldn't remember when. And when the native judge slammed an oblong stone on the podium before him, signaling an end to the fifteen-minute trial and sentencing, Adam felt a tingle run down his spine. It was going to take all his skill, experience—and luck—to get out of this one. And his latest challenge was just beginning. But Adam wasn't about to let the situation get the best of him. He had skills, skills which will be tested when he finds he's been placed in more of a zoo than a prison.

Felix used to be a traveling salesman, drifting through the galaxy and hawking his wares. Used to be, that is, until a freak accident in an out-of-the-way system. One rough landing later, Felix finds himself stranded on a wild, alien planet - front and center - in a deadly role he never auditioned for to entertain a secret audience. The upside? A fellow passenger made it to the escape pod with Felix. With this reptilian stranger at his side, he’s not totally alone. The downside? They don’t share a language.

Holy hedgehogs! Everyone's favorite bounty hunting duo is back! Nova Texas' favorite son, Duke LaGrange, and his silent swordsman sidekick, Ishiro'shea, once again find themselves unceremoniously removed from Cyborg Joe's and deposited on a planet at the least opportune time. The only way for the tandem to escape the harsh world of Psitakki is for Duke to survive the most dangerous underground pit fighting tournament in the cosmos.