Showing results by publisher "-emdashery books-" in Humorous

If a megalomaniacal earth mage kidnaps your little sister, do you: A) Kill him, B) Kill him, C) Kill him, D) Magically indenture yourself to him to ensure her safe return. Welsh water horse Nevan Quirke would have happily opted for A, B, or C but had no idea where his sister was hidden—so, option D it is. He’s not a fool, though. He made sure to limit his obligation to a single task. Unfortunately, he neglected to nail down a few tiny details before the geas brand was seared into his skin,

Ryker Hayes is a licensed massage therapist, and a damn good one at that. It's a career he's passionate about, and all his plans for life are on track—until he winds up transported to the world of Werifesteria in the body of an infamous warlord, at least. Now all he really wants to do is forget the misdeeds of his alter ego and retire to a life of anonymity with a couple interesting women as his new partners. Together, they open the very first massage inn and spa in all the land, and take on all the responsibilities that come with it. Turns out, it's a lot of work!

Since my stepsister, Nakona Ril, has joined the family, I’ve finally settled into a happy life of cooking and potion brewing at the family inn. But the shadow of war looms ahead, with the fate of the world and my own destiny fast approaching. Monsters are coming, bandits seek to steal my potions, and countries set their sights upon the rumor of a talented alchemist. Why won’t they all just leave me alone?

As the daughter of Dracula, you would think I’d be born the perfect monster. You couldn’t be more wrong. As far as monsters go, I’m a screw up—if I’m not tripping over my own feet, I’m accidentally murdering someone (it’s a real issue, guys). Left with no choice, Dad decides to send me to Prodigium—otherwise known as Monster Academy—to train me on how to be a better monster. When bodies turn up on campus, I’m the prime suspect (not that I can blame them).

I never asked to be Blade Mage. My fellow wizards weren’t exactly thrilled about my selection, either. Unfortunately, those weird old druids have a strict no returns policy. So I left, and for the past few years, I’ve managed to hide from my responsibilities and former life. But I always knew one day the Cabal would come looking for its precious sword. And so they have, but only because a heinous crime has occurred....

I’ve always wanted to conquer the Big 5 dungeons ever since one of them took the life of my father nearly fifteen years ago. Nobody ever said the Path of Progression was easy, but my burning desire to dive can’t be quenched. I just never thought I’d be prohibited from getting a diving license just because I tried to help a bratty blonde girl get hers. Soon, we’re joined by a lovely brunette bookworm, and we start diving the dungeon on our own terms. As it turns out, I have a few abilities that greatly increase our chances of actually finishing the Path, leading to a life of fame and luxury.

In this fantasy rom com series finale, things take a sinister turn for the Coffee Bean Crew when Shayne Lyro disappears to the Ever Corners to face the family he once knew and assassinate a dreamslipper who's been sending him nightmares and calling him home. But when he makes the ultimate decision to let the dreamslipper live, everything goes wrong and he finds himself in the crosshairs of his murderous, diabolical family instead.

Everyone wants to be the chosen one. The job's perks often involve overpowered abilities, world-breaking equipment, and an eager line of bodacious partners. But due to a goddess' clumsy meddling, a struggling musician named Perry ends up accidentally transmigrated alongside her true chosen one with none of the above. Demanding a portal home or reparations for his bereaved family doesn't win him respect either. Instead, he finds himself thrust into a world of magic, monsters, and a wisecracking System.

Jane’s conquest of Arcadia’s eastern realm was swift—until betrayal shattered her careful plans, leaving her banished in the desolate depths of the Netherrealm, the perilous home of demons. Alone and cut off from her allies, she must navigate a world where survival is a brutal game of predator and prey. Meanwhile, her army teeters on the brink of collapse, leaderless without a Legendary class holder to command it.

Braiden Beadle’s craft shop is on its last legs, even though it’s filled with the plushest yarns and the finest fabrics. Nobody cares for crafts anymore, not since the dungeon appeared outside Weathervale. Adventurers have swarmed the seaside city, eager to discover the dungeon’s treasures…and not a single one of them needs any knitting needles.

In the magic lands of the Fae Wild, the Goblin King's virility is the lifeblood of the realm. But an insidious curse has put the kingdom on the precipice of a population panic. Enter Thomas Stone: architect, engineer, and unknowing half-blood heir to the goblin throne. Whisked away to a world where baby-making makes the world go round, Thomas finds himself in a pickle thicker than goblin stew. Birth rates are dropping faster than a fairy on a bad flight path, and it’s up to Thomas to save the fae from themselves.

Tolkien’s acclaimed modern classic ‘fairie’ tale, read by Derek Jacobi. Smith of Wootton Major journeys to the Land of Faery thanks to the magical ingredients of the Great Cake of the Feast of Good Children...

Having defeated the mad wizard, Isstvan, Skeeve, and Aahz have taken over the remote inn that was the enemy’s hideout. They’re generally safe from visitors, and if not, Skeeve’s growing magical abilities allow him to disguise himself and his friends as such repulsive serving staff that potential guests flee, screaming. Skeeve has grown bored of studying magic at the isolated inn, however, and one visitor who does not flee offers him an invitation for employment as court magician in the kingdom of Possiltum.

With the portal to Elyndor a constant nagging worry in the back of Daryl's mind, as well as the fallout of his confrontation with Boulder looming over his head, life isn't as cozy as it could be. Thankfully, he has Koko, Poppi, Moppi, Katanica, and Susie to help him relieve some stress. But in volume two, the plot thickens, the lore deepens, and Daryl's world opens up to an adventure and a power struggle he never expected. Action, romance, magic, danger, and lots of greenskinned women—everything a man wants in a story...You'll find it all here.

With his wedding behind him, Fred is looking forward to nightly life finally settling down. Unfortunately, someone from his past has other, far less peaceful, plans in mind. Finding his clan under attack, Fred must scramble to discover who is working against him and how to fight back. Between securing shelter, trading favors, and keeping up with his accounting business, it won’t be easy to stay out of trouble; let alone uncover the identity of his adversary.

Alex has truly made himself home in the fantasy world. With the help of his overpowered growth skill, his stats have soared higher and higher, reaching staggering heights. He's not the only one to benefit, as those wild gains also apply to the four lovely ladies at his side.

War changes a man. Rhett Allen, a thirdborn from the New World, learned that the hard way. He went to the Old World with two simple jobs: protect his sister, and build his guild. Now, he’s found himself on the losing side of a battle, and on the precipice of a war that could engulf an entire empire. To make matters worse, the only way he survived was by making a deal with the prince who started the whole thing. Add in a goddess of death and chaos, and Rhett has found himself making life or death decisions usually reserved for much more powerful firstborns.

At twenty-six, Ivy has their life figured out. They have a decent-paying job at the London office of Somnus Entertainment—the gaming company behind the wildly popular game Black Oasis—a draughty flat they inherited from their wild great aunt, and a few select friends to pass the time. They're a responsible adult, thank you very much, and while they might get lonely at times, they know better than to put too much stock into that fanciful notion known as love.

Skeeve is a magician’s apprentice (and a wanna-be thief) until an assassin’s bolt kills his master, Garkin. Along with Aahz, the green-scaled, purple-tongued demon and master magician summoned by Garkin, he sets out on a quest to get even. The road to vengeance is bound to prove rocky, however, because Skeeve can barely light a candle with his beginning magic, and Aahz has lost his own considerable magical abilities as a consequence of Garkin’s summoning spell.

My name is Buffy Martinez and I've spent my entire life training to be a wife, but when a cult is the one leading me down the aisle there is no happily-ever-after waiting for me and I end up a virgin who can't drive because my family totally sold me out to be a virgin sacrifice. Joke's on everyone who thought they could lie to me because the god they tried to sacrifice me to just claimed me as his bride. Wrath—not a god but a demon, and my devoted husband all the same.