Pals... You can't speak, because we can't hear you. We are the creators of a podcast that gives hope and joy and inspiration to millions. And you? You're the listeners. Is any of this real? We are real. That's what makes us so good to listen to. Now, believe us, Pals: there's no more truth out there than there is in this pod we created for you. Same lies. The same deceit. But in our world, you have nothing to fear. We know you better than you know yourself. We are the podcast in your head! You're afraid. That's why you can't stop listening. It's okay, Pals. We understand. We have been talking to you your whole life. We were talking when you were listening on Spotify. We were talking when you took your first step... towards watching us on YouTube. We've talked to you every day of your lives. Heh heh. We've always been there, ever since the time when we threw our first pal, heh heh... You can't leave, listener. You belong here... with us. Don't talk to us. Don't say anything. Hell, shut the f%4k up, goddammit! We're doing a podcast! We're live to the whole world!

And of course, in case we don't see ya, good Pal-ternoon, good Pal-vening and good Pal!

Look, up in the sky! It's a bird... it's a plane... no, actually, its dimensions don't really fit either of those fairly common sky-bound properties. Aahh, could be some sort of... drone, I suppose? Well, actually, looks like there's a lot of fabric, so maybe it's a banner, like, as some promotion for... banners? Do banners need promoting? You kinda need one or you don't, right? People aren't typically driving to work and then they see a Banners R Us promotion and think, "Sh!t, I could use one of those for the spare bathroom, just to hang out the front so people know it's the spare and not the regular--" Oh my God, it's a guy! There is a guy in the f*@$ing sky! What? WHAT?! Did he fall from space? Is that a spaceman? Is anyone else seeing the SPACEMAN IN THE SKY WHO SEEMS TO BE MOVING IN A GRACEFUL ARC TOWARDS THE HORIZON?! Just me?! Alright, well, I'm gonna assume I'm having a psychotic break so I'm gonna skip the office today, head home and rug up with some comfort food. Maybe a nice tin of some Campbell's. Mmm-mmm, do I love me some Campbell's chicken and pea soup. I love it so much, they oughta call me... Campbell-Dude, or somethin'. Hey, when did my nose start gushing blood? Weird.

What if God was zill-aah-ahhh?

Just a giant liz-aaa-aaard?

Would he have big riz-aaa-aaah?

Or would could he just be our Paaaaaaaaaaal?