Episode Description:

There’s a moment in grief when the outside world begins to respond to you differently.

You’re getting out of bed.
You’re showing up for your kids.
You’re going to work, answering messages, maybe even laughing again.

And from the outside… it can look like you’re “doing better.”

But internally, it can feel like something completely different.

In this episode, we explore the quiet, often unspoken tension between how grief looks… and how it actually feels.

Because functioning isn’t the same as healing.
And surviving isn’t the same as being okay.

If you’ve ever felt unseen in your grief… misunderstood… or questioned whether your experience “matches” how you appear—this conversation is for you.

What We Talk About:

• The disconnect between external perception and internal experience in grief
• Why others may see you as “strong” or “okay” before you feel that way
• How functioning can be mistaken for healing
• The emotional toll of feeling unseen or misunderstood
• The nervous system’s role in adapting after loss
• Guilt that can arise as you begin to re-engage with life
• The “push and pull” (yo-yo) experience many widows face
• Why moments of lightness do not reflect the depth of your love
• How support can unintentionally fade as you appear more “okay”

Key Reminders:

• Just because you’re functioning doesn’t mean you’re okay
• Your grief doesn’t have to match how it looks from the outside
• You are allowed to feel both—moments of presence and deep pain
• Your ability to keep going is not a betrayal of your person
• This isn’t inconsistency—it’s grief

Gentle Tools to Support You:

• Name the experience:
  “This is that space where the outside doesn’t match the inside.”
• Release the need to perform:
  You don’t have to meet others’ expectations or explain your grief.
• Be intentional with support:
  Seek out spaces where you feel seen without needing to translate your experience.

Work With Me:

If you’re looking for a space where you can be fully held in your grief—without pressure to rush, fix, or perform—I’d be honored to support you.

You can explore 1:1 coaching or my group programs at, laurenlentz.com

Connect & Continue the Conversation:

If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out, share, or write a review.

Closing:

You are someone learning how to live inside of loss… while still being asked to keep living.

That is a lot to hold.

Until next time…
Big hugs, and lots of love.

In this deeply personal episode, I slow things down and return to the earliest version of myself: the one who had just lost Kevin, the one who didn’t know how she would survive.

After sharing a post that resonated deeply within the widow community, I felt called to expand on those words… not just as reflections, but as lived experiences.

This episode is an invitation to sit beside your own grief - gently, honestly, and without rushing.

Together, we explore what it can actually feel like inside early loss… and what I would say now, with the perspective of time, to the version of me who was just beginning.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The physical reality of grief: when heartbreak feels like your body might not survive it
• What’s happening when your nervous system goes into shock and survival mode
• The disorientation of losing not just your person… but your entire sense of self and future
• Why life can feel pointless, and how meaning begins to return
• The deep loneliness of feeling misunderstood by others, and finding the right kind of support
• The role of anger and rage in grief, and why they don’t need to be fixed
• Navigating motherhood in grief and the fear of not being enough for your child
• The complicated relationship with love after loss - longing, guilt, fear, and possibility
• Why joy can feel wrong at first, and how it slowly finds its way back
• What it means to lean into grief, instead of running from it

Key reminders from this episode:

• Your body is not failing you - it is responding to something overwhelming
• You don’t have to figure out your life right now, just this moment
• Not everyone will understand your grief and that’s okay
• Some emotions don’t need to be fixed, they need to be honored
• You are doing the best you can with what you have
• Love does not leave your life - it changes form
• Joy and grief can coexist
• You don’t have to rush your healing

For the woman in the early days:

If everything feels shattered…
If your body feels like it can’t hold what’s happening…
If your mind is trying to make sense of something that makes no sense…

You are not alone in this.

You don’t have to have answers.
You don’t have to know what comes next.

Just stay.

One breath.
One moment.
One step at a time.

Mentioned in this episode:

• “Grief is not an emergency, even though it feels that way.” – Marie-Claude Goudreau

Connect with me:

If this episode resonated with you, or you’re looking for support inside your grief journey:

• Follow along on Instagram: @imsorrywerefriends
• Learn more about working together: laurenlentz.com

Loved this episode?

If this episode supported you in any way, I would be so grateful if you:

• Shared it with another widow who may need it
• Left a review
• Or simply held a moment for yourself to acknowledge the strength it takes to keep going

In this episode of The Widow’s Collective Podcast, Lauren explores one of the most confusing and challenging aspects of grief: the feeling of taking steps forward only to be pulled back by unexpected waves of pain.

If you’ve ever thought you were “healing” and then been hit with intense grief out of nowhere, this episode is for you. Lauren guides you through:

• The Moment It Hits – Recognizing the small triggers and unexpected waves that can bring grief rushing back.
• The Story We Tell Ourselves – How self-judgment can amplify grief and what it really means when we feel like we’re “regressing.”
• Grief Doesn’t Move in Straight Lines – Understanding the non-linear nature of grief and how waves of intensity are part of moving forward.
• Revisiting vs. Regression – Why revisiting old feelings doesn’t mean failure, and how to honor your progress.
• Why Grief Feels So Convincing – The physiological and emotional reasons grief hits hard, even after you’ve moved through earlier layers.
• The Reframe – Gentle questions and practices to respond to intense emotions with compassion rather than judgment.
• Progress in Grief – How to see progress in subtle, quiet ways rather than as a straight line.
• A Moment of Grounding – Practical exercises to pause, breathe, and reconnect with yourself when grief feels overwhelming.

💛 Key Takeaway:
Grief isn’t a linear path, and every wave—gentle or fierce—is part of the process of moving forward. Feeling pulled back doesn’t erase your progress; it deepens your capacity to love, live, and carry your loss with presence and self-compassion.

Whether you’re navigating daily grief, sudden triggers, or the ongoing tension of life after loss, this episode offers compassion, perspective, and practical guidance for moving forward—even when it feels like twenty steps back.