Maya and Amy open the show asking: Tiger Woods, why don’t you get a driver?!?!? On to the Miami Open. The ladies stay in a new place. Maya is naive about hotel stairwell treasures. Walking down a Florida street is always an adventure. The ladies buy the perfect amount of vacation groceries, and if you have ever been on vacation, you know how hard this is. Maya makes the best breakfast ever. The Miami Open DID NOT DISAPPOINT. Amy and Maya look for the good swag. No, they did not get the $100 hot dog. You are talking to hot dog purists. Don’t waste your Wagyu on a hot dog. The ladies have their amazing seats again next to the player’s box with coaches and family. Hailey Baptist is sitting a few seats away. First match: Jannik Sinner vs. Frances Tiafoe. Sinner’s forehands are the hardest a human can hit anything. Seeing Martina Navratilova causes Amy an injury. Coco Gauff wears a hat? Martina, Cocoa, Big Foe, and Sinner! The Uber home was a “premium experience” filled with war movie explosions, machine gun fire, and Werther’s Originals. The gals also get “back in the tank”. If you know, you know. The best product came from two nerds who don’t have girlfriends, but they’re pretty sure if they did, said girlfriends would want to shower with them. Amy and Maya have a great rooftop dinner starring an amazing Euro-trash DJ and a tiny, angry man. Best trip ever!

This week on the pod, Producer Tyler’s clubhouse has been shut down by an internet malfunction. Amy takes her mom, Marsh, shopping for “coverup” and a new skin care routine. Shopping with Marsh is hilarious. Marsh wants to know Producer Tyler’s hobbies and what Maya’s favorite sub sandwiches are, apropos of nothing. The ladies discuss Afro Man’s First Amendment triumph. This first amendment trial is everything. You can’t make this stuff up. Watch the clips…you won’t be sorry. That’s the best tour of jury duty ever! Justin Timberlake’s DWI video comes out. Spoiler Alert: it’s so cringe. The Bachelorette is canned. Maya doesn’t think anyone needs to see the musical Chicago anymore. Maya thinks it’s weird that Sean Duffy was on The Real World and now he’s the Transportation Secretary of the United States. Maya feels bad for TSA. Amy doesn’t understand why they have to go to work and are not getting paid. Maya wonders why Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild isn’t in jail. Amy informs her that he WAS in jail. Prince Andrew’s perp photo looks like you shone a flashlight on a possum at night. Prince Andrew’s Go-to Innocent Look is Terrified Night Possum. Maya makes Amy listen to a nuts song, “Things Get a Little Easier”. The ladies top it off with an Oscars recap. Sinners wins big!!!! Michael B. Jordan is a class act. We don’t deserve him.

There’s a blizzard on SOSS Street, and the local news Weather Boners are on high alert. Amy wants Maya and her to get colonoscopies together and record it. Maya thinks that might be against the rules, but would love to watch Amy try to talk a doctor into this scheme. The ladies make their Oscar predictions. The red carpet coverage needs help. Maya is excited for Sinners, and Amy is disappointed in Timothée Chalamet. Ethan Hawke, we love you, but you can’t make us watch Blue Moon. Amy just put her home theater together! Maya has issues with Song Sung Blue. One thought about directors: If you like PTA, you like PTA, and we like PTA. Sentimental Value keeps coming up over and over. You can’t make us watch that one either! Amy likes Guillermo Del Toro and hopes he’s not a pervert. Amy figures out who Stellan Skarsgård is. There are so many Skarsgårds. Approved/Denied: What were you like in the 90s? Goo Goo Dolls Iris social media trend.