Before his dark night began, Bart was a highly intellectual physician with no interest whatsoever in spirituality. He had, as he says, “worked for a long time cutting off bodily feelings.” Then an injury ended his ability to function, leaving him depressed and unable to work. When he saw an eight-foot angel fish at the end of his bed, and began to dream vividly, he was prompted to venture into the imaginal and somatic realms. Since then, he has explored his inner terrain in a variety of ways including dream work, embodied inquiry, spiritual teachings, and plant medicines.

Amongst other things, Bart and I talk about his identification with Iron Man, and how he shut out joy as well as pain as a little child; the ways in which insights and realisations came for him during dreams; and how his approach to his medical practice developed as his explorations continued. We also touch into how he slowly opened his heart chakra; the way that psychological pain can sometimes “feed” physical pain; and how working with bodily sensations helped in the unravelling of knots. And finally, Bart shares how, after a revelation or opening, we often also experience some kind of backlash or push back.

Dr Bart Balint is a retired anesthesiologist and the author of The Giant Clam and Other Visions: An Allopathic Physician Explores Non-Ordinary States and Reconciles with Joy. Over a number of years, he has experienced a profound shift in perspective from the guilt-ridden religious beliefs that previously ruled his life to a paradigm of exploration, play, and insight. He lives with his life partner, Melanie Balint Gray, and they continue to journey together.

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She meets with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

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You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped via email: darknightunwrapped@gmail.com

Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit

The dark night “pulled” at Melanie in her twenties, but it wasn’t until her forties that she was willing and able to hear its calling. As her work and marriage fell apart, she found herself in a dark, heavy place, and “went down into a different space of me.” Having always been a “good little girl” who walked on eggshells and did her best to please everyone, she began to encounter everything that lay beneath her persona. Like an archaeologist, she painstakingly worked through many layers of self-hatred and shame.

Amongst many other things, Melanie and I talk about finally being able to say no, and refusing to pass the dysfunctional buck onto the next generation; the crumbling of the old ways and what happens when our operating systems stop working; and refusing to pretend. We also discuss the humaneness of including all of ourselves; cracking our hearts open and touching into the breathtaking, heartbreaking beauty of life; and learning how to trust ourselves whilst also leaning on others. Finally, we touch into the sanity that emerges out of the dark night process and how, even though at times it feels like madness, “you might actually be finding your sanity.”

Melanie Balint Gray PhD

Some influential moments:

1. Living abroad for ten years as a child honed adaptability, tolerance, empathy, and compassion.

2. Steeping in familial secrets honed shame, guilt, self-hatred, and victimhood.

3. A PhD in Immunology expanded critical thinking.

4. Raising children brought meditation, the super-sensible, and a new view of humanness.

5. Facing divorce, job loss, and depression peeled away worn out beliefs.

6. Now I sit with others while they see what wants to be met and/or fall away.

Melanie can be reached via email: graymelanie111@gmail.com

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She meets with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share.

You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped via email: darknightunwrapped@gmail.com

Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit

Kristy’s first dark night experience began when her dog – her attachment figure – died when she was ten, and she lost her trust in life. Over the next twenty years, things seemed to improve; she left home, learnt how to meditate, began training as a counsellor, and started to explore her childhood trauma. During a somatic experiencing session, she had a profound recognition, which at the time seemed little more than a subtle “click”. The ensuing sense of grace and effortlessness – very different from her usually tumultuous inner world – lasted for a couple of weeks. After that, it was as if a threshold had been crossed; the process of unravelling both an entire lifetime’s and many generations of tension began.

We discuss – amongst many other things – the nature of the twisted double-stranded rope; how evolution is bringing us back into our natural state and undoing the effects of thousands of years of empire; and the importance of being in the presence of nature. We also talk about the space of love and unconditionality that starts to slowly move to the foreground, and how something profound, beautiful, and mind-blowing begins to emerge on the other side of the dark night.

Kristy Johnsson began her career as an environmental researcher, before doing an MSc in Clinical Counselling. Working with a somatic-ecotherapeutic approach that honours the intelligence of nature, she has undertaken her own deep psychosomatic explorations, as well as walking alongside many others (sometimes literally) in theirs. She has years of experience of environmental and outdoor education rooted in social justice, and is currently travelling in Australasia, while connecting ever more deeply with the more-than-human world.

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She works one to one with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share.

You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped via email: darknightunwrapped@gmail.com

Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit