Master Alchemist, I am assigned the task of transmuting

every elemental energy and emotion without judgment or reactivity,

Sacred Neutral, every step I take is leading to my happiness

I practice as the yidam even though I feel like an undeveloped fetus

like a raw peeled shrimp from the lower realms

the alchemical centers are the glands of the endocrine system

the chakras, they are the autonomic foci of the nervous system

portals from the subtle dimensions into the physical body

fusion of sun and moon in each one

Master Alchemist, the knowing of this

the need to balance it with development of the human

the paradox of needing to practice in these profound secret ways

just to tolerate being in this body

and in contact with other humans and form

forgiveness of the looking forward to new sweaters and crystals

and things that I don’t even really want

we do our deity yoga first, manifest as our yidam

and then command the protectors to protect us

from that point of view

they are part of our spiritual Sangha, expressions of Buddha activity

they are our spiritual immune system

commanding the elements and the miracles,

commanding the orders of angels and the protectors

commanding from my God self

from the place of union and inseparability

I must activate the bellows to be in my body

difficult when in ordinary non-ceremonial life

but necessary if I am to be in Presence in every moment

a cleansing mental, physical and spiritual shower

somehow, I need Protectors for this

I must ask and receive, but somehow use my volition

maybe nectar up, as the rain pounds on my body, the dead body

the shame is hard to bear

I stay inside, I stay deep inside with the writhing

I cut the roots of the glaring projections

I cut the roots of the ones who are drawn to them and grab for them egg on the face

the passionate holy camels tenderly eat it off with their swimming lips

the accidental running into them

without eye contact or acknowledgment is painful

since confusion is due to afflictive emotions

it is held that freedom comes

from making emotions themselves the path, this is fortunate