I am the warrior, I am focused, determined, disciplined, and devoted.

Ground, path, and fruition. Hunger for the firm masculine.

When the vow is broken or given back

it feels like your soul is being ripped out of your body .

visceral like the stomach flu. when you are being woken up

from a comatose sleep by the heaving in the belly

that has a mind of its own.

The states are so extreme, now I am in separation,

glazed and numb and harsh,

now I’m in my body, falling into the pit of agony,

the pit of dark suffocation and flaccid men, still separation

we draw the root up and let the shakti spin the wheels

of alchemical fervor, press against me, beloved, a new life is born

free from ignorance, grasping and aversion

Enlightenment happens with the eyes open

Wind is breath, it is prana, life force,

we want the channels breathing well, flowing well,

not too much, not too little,

rhythmic alterations of heat and bliss .

Melted bindus, drops of light through channels.

Small boy with dark hair and sawed-off tennis racket swings wildly,

he sometimes hits the pink fluorescent ball

and sometimes just combs the air, now he swings so strongly

that he flings himself to the ground, he gets up unconcerned

Lama Khyen, Lama Khyen, Guru, watch over me

Let the view be as vast as the sky, descend with it,

let the conduct be as refined as the finest barley flour, ascend with it

We listen to the words of a teaching, thank you

they are someone else’s interpretations but steady, steady

no need to let the mind fixate or projections gain power

we still bow to the Inner Guru

the blessing of having a rich sexual yogic practice with your partner

the sacred consort who is a good match,

this alone does not bring you to enlightenment

but it is the profound fulfillment of one aspect of life in form

Yuthok, my deepest desires…