Ladies, are modern day options crippling? Do you spend way too much time deciding between which primary color to wear and enjoy the thrill of voting against your basic needs? Well do we have a future for you!

Kelly puts all her eggs in Margaret Atwood's basket. This Canadian author wrote a long form poem that chills, maybe not thrills, but certainly instills a fear for our future autonomy. We humans need love, touch, communication, and most importantly...to read. Apparently "my body my choice" translates into Latin as "Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum."

Civil war! Canada! Men! Clitoridectomies! The tv series The Handmaid's Tale might not have the subtle haunting poetry of the novel, but the bodies be swinging under his eye. If you don't want to delve in the cold waters of prose to understand how your human rights are at stake, maybe Elizabeth Moss' face will get you freaked enough to swear off red. Commander Jimmy certainly thinks so.

If you're Offred or just Off-men we've got you covered. Whether you choose book or TV show, it's a perfect May Day for a revolution.

It's a bird! No, it's a plane! No, it's just a supermodel swan diving off the balcony. Some might call it foul play so it's up to a British sleuth(s)and these American readers to get to the bottom of it. But first, let's hit the pub and pick up a special guest to help us solve the murder of the teleplay for the Cormoran Strike Series.

Kelly has found a friend to help defend JKRowling's pseudonym and detective series. She'd use their pronouns but that might not jive with the author. Regardless, the book holds strong as a fun read with a shocking and impactful twist. Developed characters make for better red herrings... to not agree is plain cuckoo.

Jimmy might not have a leg to stand on but he tries his best to pass off this Max's miniseries as watchable. If they had the HBO money daytime television could really be brought to new heights. Oh well, it's not worth drawing a hot bath over.

Don't leave us chilling on the balcony, help us pour the piping hot tea on this special birthday episode.

Is that love in the air? Gross, put my ball gag back in for some autoerotic asphyxiation. Welcome to Fifty Shades of Grey, a book and movie as vibrant as its slate color scheme. XXX content? More like Zzz's.

EL James might not know what BDSM is or how a 21 year old woman talks, but that didn't stop her from riff'ing off Twilight. Kelly could defend her...but in the words of the author "Holy Cow, it's so hard." Thesaurus' were spanked within an inch of their limit and e-mails tied up the plot with handcuffs.

Jimmy made it through watching the film and gave it a whole half a star for the effort. Can excessive lip biting save a romance film without any chemistry? The red room of pain was the movie theatre and we all felt like Dakota Johnson... sore and a little bewildered how we got here. Nothing a pair of stolen set panties can't fix.

If you want whips and chains... maybe skip this book/movie. Cause it's vanilla (laters) baby.

Thirteen year old girls can really put the "me" in migraines. Been there, done that. But since it's January and the play is cancelled let's solve a mystery and accidentally doom a few lives while we're at it. It was the Gardener in the Library with the Vase! The Chocolate War Profiteer in the garden! No, it's not Clue, it's the saddest love story that never was.

Ian McEwan rewrote a young girl's history at the cost of her geriatric neurological health. Spoiler alert: sad. Maybe some friendly plagiarism can smooth over all prepubescent faux pas? This book proves that all beautiful streams of consciousness flow downward. Kelly is willing to put her ego aside and to say sorry for all her past wrongs... in 70 years... when everyone is dead. Though maybe she just wrote the c word over and over again in a letter.

Oscar nominations abound for the 2007 film adaption. The ever so charming James McAvoy works harder than Keira Knightly's jaw to bring McEwan's prose to the big screen on his sweet little Angel face. Don't worry guys, it's not sappy. We think you'll like it because... WWII. That's what you like right? Scooch over Nolan, this was the OG Dunkirk!

Can Jimmy's movie beat out one of Times Magazine Best 100 Novels or did he, in the words of Paul Marshall, "bite it"? Sorry not sorry.

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Dear God,

What did postage stamps cost back in the 80s? 11 Oscar nominations? Danny Glover's dignity? One thing's for sure, after the film adaption, Alice Walker's novel The Color Purple demanded to be "returned to sender."

Kelly is sending love letters to Alice Walker's 1982 Pulitzer Prize winning book. It might be a little more gritty, but it's a heavenly trip to finding your self worth. Even Jimmy admits that you can pick up the beautiful sentiments- to not to is a sin.

The film introduced the world to Whoopi Goldberg but left out the sincerity of the novel. Spielberg giveth and he taketh away. Jimmy and Oprah are ready to take a swing at defending this dated piece. Then again maybe it's time to skip the written word and phone home.

Whatever color aura you're rocking, you have to admit that this book deserved its awards. The movie might have just been a shade off. Join us on this episode for a riveting session of social politics patty cake.

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It's that time of year to gather with your family and gobble gobble up a nonfiction book to educate yourself on those who were robbed of theirs. This isn't Hallmark's version of the first Thanksgiving, but we're certainly gonna be serving some facts along with that cholesterol. Can a Scorsese adaption bring heart to a broken hearth or does it take a true crime book to make you grateful for the FBI? It's time for Killers of the Flower Moon.

Kelly is doomed to repeat history as yet another white girl gets angry over ignorance. Are people skimping the nonfiction for an out dated re-enactment? Is it as hopeless as arguing with your racist uncle at the table? It might not be light hearted dinner conversation, but the truth is out there if you're willing to drill for it. It's bound to give you seasonal depression if you do.

Jim serves his three hour long feast of the eyes. Sure it might be a lot of time away from your Football game, but the meat of the story is there. Can Leonardo DiCaprio remind us what NOT to be thankful for or is that something they saved for Scorsese's teleprompter?

It's no laughing matter but the book and its adaption might just change your mind on the recent past. Time to admit to our wrongs... and add solar panels onto our Xmas lists. Do better America.

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Yo ho ho and a bottle of REDRUM, let's kick off Halloween at the Overlook Hotel! Our favorite bartender Lloyd will be slinging imaginary martinis and the blood in the elevator will be flowing. *Dog costume not included, so if you're a ghost Furry... come prepared.

In a Samhain swap up, Jimmy shines first. Since we've all seen this classic horror flick, he's must defend the iconic Kubrick film. Steeped in conspiracy theories and strategic imagery the film lives on in the public consciousness but does it leave you feeling cold? Colder than it left Stephen King... and Jack? Or does the film bring the subject material to a new artistic height. Some might say as far as the fake moon landing.

Kelly, knight of the Stephen King-dom is ready to remind everyone what the book is really about... love! And alcoholism. Aaaand generational trauma. But let's go mostly with love. Can Kelly save Jack Torrence's reputation and motives or is that as impossible as trying to make roque relevant? The topiary animals are at her beck and call, though the furnace is still fussy.

Whether you'd rather stay in room 217 or room 237, we're all stuck in this resort together. Forever and ever. Just remember it's ok to take a mallet to your family, lock your dad in the pantry, and put a hole in a hotel door with an ax... just leave the bees out of it.

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The kids are in school and the weather is turning cool, so how's about we jetset to Italy for a few cocktails and some stolen identity's? Don't worry, we'll be putting it on the Greenleaf tab. Some food for thought: Is Tom Ripley just you classic American who spent too much time studying abroad or is he a dyed in the wool sociopath? Honestly... what's the difference? Book or movie... he comes off as a real Dickie. Which depending on your preference, and his, might leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Join Kelly and Jim as they riffle through Patricia Highsmith's personal baggage and 1955 thriller The Talented Mr Ripley. Can Kelly defend a misanthropic lesbian... that isn't herself? Sure, it may read at a snails pace but the creepy accuracy might buy it travel points. Or will the charm and talent of Jimmy pull through and justify casting Jude Law as an American? If not maybe tag in Matt Damon and see if he can save the day and all the listeners from a novel that reads more like an antiquated home decor catalogue. How about them apples, Patricia! 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

Whether you're reading or watching, hop on in the bath water is still warm!

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