In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most common and confusing experiences after betrayal trauma: triggers. Drawing from clinical research, lived experience, and decades of therapeutic practice, they break down why triggers occur, how the body responds, and what partners can do to navigate them with greater clarity and self-compassion.

Triggers often appear suddenly—at church, in a grocery store, during a conversation, while watching TV, or even in sleep. Dr. Skinner shares research showing that 80% of betrayed partners experience significant triggers across multiple settings due to heightened fear responses and hypervigilance. MaryAnn describes how the body becomes acutely attuned to cues of danger, often detecting subtle signals before the conscious mind can make sense of them.

Listeners are guided through the internal experience of a trigger—tight chest, racing heart, sudden emotion—and learn how to identify, name, and regulate these physiological reactions. The episode introduces two powerful tools:

1. “Name It to Tame It” (Dan Siegel) – Using language to bring the prefrontal cortex back online.

2. The COAL Method – Curiosity, Openness/Observation, Acceptance, Loving-Kindness – to slow down reactions and respond intentionally.

The hosts also discuss the difference between seeking external reassurance versus developing internal grounding strategies, the role of self-trust, and how to use tools like conscious breathing (including the “Yamaha breath”) to regulate the autonomic nervous system.

This episode provides validation, practical tools, and hope—reminding listeners that triggers are not signs of weakness, but expressions of the body’s innate protective system. With understanding, support, and practice, betrayed partners can move from reacting in fear to responding with awareness, agency, and self-compassion.

Briere, J., & Scott, C. (2015). Principles of trauma therapy: A guide to symptoms, evaluation, and treatment (2nd ed.). SAGE Publications.

Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead.Gotham Books.

Levine, P. A. (2010). In an unspoken voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. North Atlantic Books.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton.

Scott, S. B., & Briere, J. (2006). “Exposure to interpersonal trauma and risk for posttraumatic stress disorder.” Clinical Psychology Review, 26(6), 615–625.

Siegel, D. J. (2010). The mindful therapist: A clinician's guide to mindsight and neural integration. W. W. Norton.

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Skinner, K. (2017). Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal. Growth Publishing.

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Additional Resources:

Rise: Hope and Healing Course

In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Marianne Michaelis, LCSW, bring attention to an often overlooked wound—the betrayed partner’s shame. They unpack how shame takes root after discovery, transforming natural questions like “Why did this happen?” into painful self-blame—“I must not be enough.” Drawing from research showing that more than 70–80% of betrayed partners feel unlovable or stupid after betrayal, Dr. Skinner and Marianne explain how shame becomes internalized, influencing thoughts, relationships, and even the body’s physiology.

Using insights from Brené Brown and Treating Chronic Shame, they reveal that shame is relational—it thrives in silence, secrecy, and judgment, and begins to heal through connection, voice, and support. The hosts explore practical ways to interrupt the “shame virus,” including naming shame’s physical signals, separating your worth from your partner’s choices, and finding safe, trained support to share your story. They remind listeners that shame cannot survive empathy and that every individual—regardless of betrayal, history, or mistakes—is born with infinite worth that cannot be lost.

Listeners are invited to reflect, connect, and take the first step toward reclaiming their true identity beyond the betrayal story.

• Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal Course A guided 12-session journey offering tools to understand trauma, process emotions, and rebuild identity after betrayal. 👉 https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/hope-and-healing-from-sexual-betrayal

• Human Intimacy Online Educational Support Group Join Dr. Skinner and Marianne Michaelis in an upcoming online group offering teaching, Q&A, and community support. Learn how to apply these concepts in real time with others walking the same path.

• Additional Resources

  • Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal — Dr. Kevin Skinner’s book exploring the trauma response and pathways to healing.

  • The Other Side of Infidelity — Dr. Skinner’s TEDx Talk explaining betrayal trauma and its impact.

  • Treating Chronic Shame by Patricia DeYoung — referenced in this episode for understanding shame’s relational nature.

  • Articles, podcasts, and free tools available at HumanIntimacy.com

In this episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Marianne Michaelis reframe self-care as the essential stabilizer after discovery—not bubble baths, but daily practices that calm the nervous system and restore capacity. Using the PIERS framework(Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Relational, Spiritual), they show how gentle movement (not overexertion) can switch off fight-or-flight, how learning gives language and edges to a blurry trauma story, and how naming and expressing emotions releases their grip. They highlight the power of connection—groups and one trusted person—to accelerate healing, and they broaden “spiritual” to include values, nature, and quiet reflection that settles the body and clears the mind.

With habit-stacking tips (like listening to an audiobook while walking) and cautions against overwhelming already-taxed systems, the episode invites listeners to take one small, doable step today: choose a PIERS practice you can repeat tomorrow. The message is simple and compassionate—you are worth taking care of, and consistent self-care is how your boat stays afloat through the storm.

• Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal Course A structured 12-session program with videos, assignments, and group support for betrayed partners. 👉 https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/hope-and-healing-from-sexual-betrayal

• Human Intimacy Online Community Join our upcoming educational support group with Dr. Skinner and Marianne Michaelis—weekly sessions, Q&As, and guided learning designed to provide tools and community for ongoing recovery.

• Additional Resources

  • Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal – Dr. Kevin Skinner’s book exploring the science and path of recovery.

  • The Other Side of Infidelity – Dr. Skinner’s TEDx Talk introducing the trauma model of sexual betrayal.

  • Free articles, podcasts, and exercises available at HumanIntimacy.com

In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore why betrayed partners often feel like they’re “going crazy” in the aftermath of discovery. Drawing on Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, they explain how your body’s automatic survival responses—fight, flight, or freeze—are not signs of instability but biological protections designed to keep you safe.

Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn walk listeners through the physiological impact of betrayal trauma, describing how the nervous system reacts when safety is shattered. They discuss common physical symptoms such as sleeplessness, loss of appetite, and panic, explaining how these are natural outcomes of a body in distress.

MaryAnn introduces practical grounding tools—like mindful breathing and body awareness—to help listeners reconnect with themselves, while Dr. Skinner emphasizes that healing begins by understanding and respecting the body’s instinct to protect. Together, they outline how to recognize where you are on the Polyvagal Ladder—whether in a state of ventral vagal calm, sympathetic arousal, or dorsal shutdown—and how to use gentle practices to move toward safety, regulation, and connection.

This episode offers clarity and compassion for anyone feeling overwhelmed after betrayal, reminding listeners that you are not broken—you’re human, and your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do.

• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

• Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

• Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Delacorte Press.

• Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.

• Human Intimacy — Course: Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal – A 12-week guided program designed for betrayed partners to understand trauma, rebuild safety, and begin recovery.

• Worksheet: Mapping Your Polyvagal Responses – Included in the course to help you identify your nervous-system states and create personalized strategies for regulation.