There are a few things we likely can all agree on: (1) we are living in a very polarizing time, (2) it’s hurting us, and (3) the way that we talk about politics is broken, given that we are all living in different information orbits. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra sits down with Mónica Guzmán who offers us some hope for the relationships in our lives that have suffered as a result of this polarization. She also offers us the perspective we need to help us stay grounded, even as the structures all around us fiercely demand our attention and invite our reactivity.

The goal is not necessarily to seek to change each other’s view on the issues but to change our view on each other. And to see that “engagement is not endorsement”, as we work to enter into curious dialogue with the people in our lives and to perhaps notice the ways that we are not as divided as we believe we are.

You’ll come away with this conversation with:

• Strategies on how to approach the conversations with the people in your life that have historically gone sideways due to ideological misalignments
• Insights on maintaining curiosity and connection in the face of division
• Tips for navigating the online dating landscape without compromising your values or limiting yourself

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Mónica Guzmán’s Reclaim Curiosity Newsletter: https://www.moniguzman.com/subscribe
• I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times by Mónica Guzmán: https://bookshop.org/p/books/i-never-thought-of-it-that-way-monica-guzman/22293096?ean=9781637740323&next=t&next=t&affiliate=4380
• Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/backtoschool
• Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: http://pesi.com/dralexandra

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

The fourth and final mailbag episode of the summer is here! Dr. Alexandra has advice for three listeners with three relationship dilemmas related to infidelity and rebuilding trust, both relationally and within themselves.

Start healing together with these listener challenges:

• Our first listener question concerns shame upon discovering an extramarital affair.
• The second question deals with jealousy in the wake of some boundary-breaching behavior that is impacting the relationship.
• An affair partner asks our third question, as she struggles with honesty and clarity within the affair from her married partner.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Can I Trust You Again? e-course: https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit
• Reimagining Love episode, When Shame Blocks Repair: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/when-shame-blocks-repair/
• Reimagining Love episode, When You’re the Affair Partner: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/when-youre-the-affair-partner/
• Your Midyear Refresh on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh
• Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: http://pesi.com/dralexandra

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Dr. Alexandra sits down with Case Kenny – creator, mindfulness expert, host of the podcast New Mindset, Who Dis? and author of That’s Bold of You and The Opposite of Settling: How to Get Everything You Want Out of Love and Life Without Losing Your Spark – to discuss how societal “shoulds” around dating and relationships can create rigid expectations and fear-based decisions. Instead, they invite us to lean into curiosity, optimism, and self-awareness to get what we want out of love and dating.

Together, they dive into:

• Why the concept of “settling down” needs an upgrade—and what it means to “settle up” instead
  
• How understanding your “why” of dating shifts your whole approach
  
• Using the peak-end rule to reframe past dating experiences
  
• How showing up enthusiastically and with trust as the default right from the start can amplify your dating and relationship experiences

And so much more!

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

The Opposite of Settling: How to Get Everything You Want Out of Love and Life Without Losing Your Spark by Case Kenny

Instagram @case.kenny

Learn more about Case Kenny: https://www.casekenny.com/

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Submit a Listener Question

First-generation children of immigrants often struggle with bicultural straddling, impacting their sense of identity, their mental health, their priorities and values, and their relationships. They can also find it difficult to be understood and loved by their parents in a way they can truly feel. Dr. Alexandra is joined by Sahaj Kaur Kohli, founder of Brown Girl Therapy and author of But What Will People Say: Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love and Family Between Cultures to discuss how we can develop more capacity to love across differences and make shifts within ourselves to change our relationships for the better.

You will come away from this conversation with:

• Validation for identity tensions you may carry as the child of immigrant parents (or more perspective on these identity tensions if you are not!)
• Insight into balancing personal boundaries with cultural expectations, especially when dealing with clashing priorities - plus a fresh perspective on how to approach healing
• Tips on finding the right therapist and how to ensure you’re receiving culturally-attuned care given the mental health field’s bias toward a Eurocentric and individualized approach
• Strategies for building healthier relationships - with yourself, your family, and romantic partners - while honoring your heritage

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

But What Will People Say: Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love and Family Between Cultures by Sahaj Kaur Kohli

Brown Girl Therapy Instagram

Culturally Enough Substack

Learn more about Sahaj Kaur Kohli

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Submit a Listener Question

When grappling with aspects of ourselves that we deem less good, less productive or less loveable, it may be tempting to completely write those parts off, or to hide them away in shame. Today’s guest, Britt Frank, sits down with Dr. Alexandra to make a compelling case for why it is essential to use the power of parts work to embrace these aspects of ourselves so that we can make better sense of the full range of the human experience and show up more fully in our important relationships.

You will come away from this episode with:

• Inspiration to embrace all parts of yourself, good and “bad”
• Know-how to A.L.I.G.N your mind, using this acronym to work with your parts
• Greater “parts literacy” to navigate your relationships with more skill, understanding, and compassion
• A new perspective on Attachment Styles in relation to our parts

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

Align Your Mind: Tame Your Inner Critic and Make Peace with Your Shadow Using the Power of Parts Work by Britt Frank

Learn more about Britt Frank at https://www.brittfrank.com/

Reimagining Love Episode, Finding The “Self”: Exploring Family Systems Therapy With Dr. Richard C. Schwartz

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Submit a Listener Question

Welcome to R&R: Revisit & Reflect, a new episode format here on the podcast. We’re living in a time of information abundance (sometimes information overload) and lots of that information is about mental health and relational health! But there’s a difference between consuming content and integrating it. When we consume, the information might just pass through us, whereas when we integrate, the information weaves its way into our unique story or situation, creating insight and the potential for a shift in mindset, in emotion, in belief, and in behavior.

With these R&R episodes, you’ll reflect and journal with Dr. Alexandra to integrate core lessons from the podcast, continuing with today’s conversation from the archive with the esteemed Drs. John & Julie Gottman. The Gottmans share some of the most groundbreaking findings to ever come out of their Love Lab and discuss with Dr. Alexandra the relationship principle of “Small Things Often.” So, get out your favorite pen and journal and join in this summer reflection.

You’ll come away from this episode with:

• A deeper understanding of how 'small things often' can create lasting bonds in your intimate partnerships.
• An opportunity to identify and appreciate the positive moments that contribute to your relationship's health.
• A framework for self-reflection with actionable journaling prompts to enhance intimacy.

Journaling Prompts:

1. What messages did you receive growing up, either from your family, your culture, or from media you consumed, about HOW to express love? In what ways were those messages limited, and how might you update them based on what you heard in this clip?
2. What keeps you from making small gestures of love towards your partner / toward your past partner? What keeps you from ACCEPTING bids for connection from partners? Is it discomfort? If so, what specifically feels uncomfortable? Is it fear? If so, what specifically is the fear? Is it a feeling of unworthiness? If so, what do you want to remember about who you are?
3. In the clip, the Gottmans remind us that our PERCEPTION of our partner can play a huge role in the dynamic, and that we might actually be missing positive moments and bids for connection that are already happening. Write down a commitment you want to make this week to help you to keep an eye out for the positive.
4. What’s something you find beautiful about your partner, either inside or out? What would it be like to share this with them, without any agenda, but just because it might light them up?

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

Reimagining Love Episode, “How to Love Well: The Little Things that Change Everything with Drs. John & Julie Gottman”

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question

Welcome to another summer mailbag episode, in which Dr. Alexandra digs into recent listener questions so that we can all grow, together. Two of the questions today follow a general shape of a question that comes across Dr. Alexandra’s desk quite often. Something like: “Everything’s perfect in my relationship…BUT….” There’s some challenge, incompatibility, or roadblock that feels outside of our control—or, something within *US* that’s holding us back from taking things to the next level, even though everything feels so right—and we can’t get unstuck. Dr. Alexandra speaks to two listeners in this spot, as well as answering a unique question from a listener who is wanting to reclaim a special place for herself and her daughter, a place that holds both “pain and potential,” in her words, in the wake of the end of her marriage. Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s tips on how she can reclaim her paradise.

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

Take the Family of Origin Roles QUIZ

Previous summer mailbag episodes: Mailbag 1, Mailbag 2

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question