Unhinged Gratitude, part two. Teddy the dog is the special guest (elderly, handicapped, and running the show), and the girls are thankful for dogs, sort of thankful for cats, and not at all thankful for people who are mean to animals. Ashley's career as a cowgirl lasted three and a half minutes before she was ready to call PETA, the ASPCA, and every damn body. Kila pulled a spinning puppy away from somebody else's kid at a Nashville brewery. And yes, there is an emotional support alligator.

Then school: first grade math that isn't math anymore, common core boxes, Cole spelling "pimp," holding boys back for sports, and the time Ashley failed seventh grade and begged to start over at kindergarten if it meant going back to Hickman County. Plus life before Google, Ask Jeeves, ChaCha, and whether kids with ChatGPT will ever have to know anything.

The second half gets real. Hagen wants to move closer to his parents and his brother Michael, and Ashley talks through what it means to uproot your whole support system, what you owe family, and the caregivers online she wants on the show. Then back to chaos: a surprise Opryland weekend, the indoor water park in a bathing suit at 48 degrees, a PSA about how many songs the Opry headliner actually sings, and the Santa picture Hagen took by himself, where the kids "literally look like garbage pail kids."

We're thankful for all 12 of you.

Send us what you're thankful for, unhinged or otherwise: BarbaraJeanAndWanda@gmail.com. Like, subscribe, and send this to somebody with a sense of humor. In the Centerville area? Go see Sisters with Scissors.

This episode is brought to you by Bryan Nale. To connect with Bryan be sure to check out naleyourmortgage.com.

Raising Barbara Jean & Wanda is a proud member of the Spread The Positive Network. For more information visit spreadthepositive.net

It's Thankful November, and the girls had two very different ideas of what that meant. Kila wrote a real list, through tears. Ashley heard "thankful" and thought "dodge that bullet." So you get both: the sentimental version and the unhinged version, sometimes in the same sentence.

Kila is thankful for Willemay, for Emily's sperm donor being a dud (she got a real dad instead), for a mama who was crazy enough to teach her how to survive, and for Barbara Jean raising no phonies. Ashley is thankful she struggled with money, because her kids learned to be grateful, and that nobody told them they were poor. There's a real conversation in here about breaking cycles, parentified kids, and the question of the night: if you could undo the worst thing that ever happened to you but had to give up something wonderful you have now, would you? (No. They're sturdy.)

Also: Hagen bought his parents cheese for Christmas and that's how Ashley knew she married up. Government cheese made the best grilled cheese in history. Goodwill gift cards and TJ Maxx snack aisles. Gulf Shores girls' trip rules (nobody is on anybody's itinerary). Why 1000-lb Sisters should be guests. Dolly costumes, food-coloring face paint, and a lady who threw four Halloween parties. Clase Azul versus Don Julio 1942. A Nashville bartender offered Ashley a choice between her bra and a shot from the bar mat, and Hagen drank the mat. Kila would make an excellent homeless person. Ashley is a sturdy b*tch from her teeth to her toenails. And it always loops back to government cheese.

Send us what you're thankful for, unhinged or otherwise: BarbaraJeanAndWanda@gmail.com.

Like, subscribe, and send this to somebody with a sense of humor. In the Centerville area? Go see Sisters with Scissors.

This episode is brought to you by Bryan Nale. To get in touch with Bryan check out naleyourmortgage.com

Raising Barbara Jean & Wanda is a proud member of the Spread The Positive Network! For more information visit spreadthepositive.net

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It's the Raising Barbara Jean & Wanda Halloween party, and the girls came dressed as the talk show hosts who raised them. Ashley is Sally Jessy Raphael (red blazer, spray-painted red glasses, do not spray paint your glasses). Kila is Ellen (blonde wig cut by Aaron, Stewie from Family Guy per Ashley) after very nearly coming as Dr. Phil.

What's in the show: why Trent, born in the '90s, had never heard of Sally. Ashley emails Hallmark about the Golden Girls volume and has submitted her scary stories to at least three podcasts, none of which used them. The great download debate: Apple vs. Spotify, and why the numbers are dumb. The Walmart hate crime, in which Kila was the victim of a basketball and Malaya chose grace. A 64-year-old who taped his wife to a chair so he could watch football. Kate Plus 8 and what Collin's book says happened to him. Wynonna's interview.

Then the real one. Ashley's salon has been acting up for two weeks: Mae's vacuum, Mae's clippers, lights blinking three times, a picture frame flying off a desk. After a lame Halloween party, Ashley and her ghost-hunting friends go down to the shop with the REM pod, the EMF reader, and a flashlight. Chris says "I know who it is." The flashlight goes bright. It's Rick: their client, Ashley's beta reader, the retired airline pilot who died in February, the one who wrote "slightly overweight Asian woman" in an incident report out of spite. What happened next with the flashlight, the alphabet game, and the letter is the best story this show has ever told.

Also: Pounds Holler by Amy from 1000-lb Sisters, Kila's Ellen closing (do something nice for somebody this week, or heck, just don't be a jerk), ChatGPT wrote them a song, Winnie the Pooh is public domain, and whether you really need to check your candy.

Next week: Christmas outfits are already picked out. Send your stories to BarbaraJeanAndWanda@gmail.com.

Like, subscribe, and send this to somebody with a sense of humor. In the Centerville area? Go see Sisters with Scissors.

This episode is brought to you by Bryan Nale. To get in touch with Bryan be sure to check out naleyourmortgage.com!