Johnny, Johnny. Angry Johnny? Maybe not angry but goal oriented. Johnny (Keanu Reeves) has some crucial data stored all up inside his head, and he’s got to get it delivered or the Yakuza or synaptic seepage is going to kill him. Who hasn’t risked massive seepage in a dystopian future? The kicker is that Johnny is someone only concerned with himself, and now his dome contains the cure to save all of humanity. Spider (Henry Rollins) is helping in the good fight. Jane (Dina Meyer) is beating baddies down when she doesn’t have the shakes. An assassin preacher (Dolph Lundgren) looks like He-Man (again). J-Bone (Ice-T) is here! DAMNNN! RTS gets some sweet tech upgrades to their future bods courtesy of Takahashi (Takeshi Kitano). La-Mar and Collin check out the club with Ralfi (Udo Kier). They were never seen again. The world is not ready for Internet-2021!

While playing a game of Crazy ball, siblings, Mimi (Nita-Josée Hanna) and Luke (Owen Myre), find a gem and resurrect an alien monster, Psycho Goreman (Matthew Ninaber/Steven Vlahos), that wants to destroy everything. In a way, these gruesome murders and destruction are an artform. Fortunately, Mimi is able to use this gem to control this being, and it is continuous party time after! Well, the creature, Psycho Goreman (PG), hates everything about it! A bunch of intergalactic baddies are coming to Earth! A child has been turned into a brain blob. An officer is a soulless ghoul. People are exploding! Blood is everywhere! Greg (Adam Brooks), the father, is breaking down hard, but he’s going to prove he isn’t lazy. Susan (Alexis Kara Hancey), the mother, awkwardly transforms into one of these creatures. Even though the world is in peril, Mimi is having fun. RTS joins PG’s rockin’ band. Jeremy, La-Mar and Collin fight a blood box demon and learn that monsters can love. Is this film really about all the hunky boys out there? PG says he doesn’t care about those hunky boys, but does he? If you’re not having fun here, “frig off!”

Marcus Ray (Jean-Claude Van Damme) and Tommy Hendricks (Rob Schneider) are fashion designers. Should this summary even continue? You know you’re already in. Well, if that’s not enough, these gents get involved in a terrorist smuggling ring, and now, with the help of Karen Lee (Leia Rochon), they will find out who is behind all of these dastardly deeds. Will they figure it out before fashion week? Also, we have to get ready for the Hong Kong going back to Chinese rule party. Fireworks aplenty! It gets chilly at night. Good thing Harry (Paul Sorvino) has the appropriate evening windbreaker. RTS gets some dim sum and sets fashion trends by day/fight atop cargo containers at night. Please, pass the chili oil. Jeremy finds out about the nano bombs in his counterfeit jeans (trousers). La-Mar chats up detective Ling Ho (Carman Lee). Things seem to be working out. Collin takes a cue from Han (Michel Wong) to jump out of boats and away from grenades. It works well! Lots of attempted twists in this flick, but these fellas wouldn’t knock you off. Would they? Who’s the Jean genie here, Skinny (Glen Chin)?

The Griswolds are back! Through dumb luck, the family wins a European vacation on Pig in a Poke! Is Europe ready? Clark (Chevy Chase) continues to be his well-intended but overbearing self. Ellen (Beverly D’Angelo) makes a splash as she debuts in La Donna Nella Doccia. Audrey (Dana Hill) is homesick and misses her boyfriend, Jack (William Zabka). Rusty (Jason Lively) actually has many things that go right for him. Way to go, Rusty! Through all of the chaos the Griswolds cause along the way, the family also get wrapped up in a murder. RTS upgrades their fashion sense into something Euro-horrific. Jeremy checks out Big Ben and Parliament in an endless loop. La-Mar questions what the right side of the road is. Eric Idle be warned! Collin dominates a slap/fist brawl at the beer gardens. Chicago, represent! Also, Johnny Lawrence forever! Enjoy Gran Disparate Yankee en Europa, and remember that your French waiter hates you.

George Kuffs (Christian Slater) is all smiles and dance steps until he learns his girlfriend, Maya (Milla Jovovich), is pregnant. Like a sleazebag, he immediately leaves town, heads to San Francisco and meets up with his brother, Brad (Bruce Boxleitner), in an attempt to borrow money and to start a new life within the famous Brazilian gold rush. Brad wants more for George, but big thug Kane (Leon Rippy) takes Brad out. George now owns Brad’s patrol district (as you do), and baddies be warned. Or not! George isn’t really trained for anything. He also doesn’t really care about much. He is forced to partner up with Ted (Tony Goldwyn), and together they eventually do things, sort of, and the city rejoices, kind of. RTS checks out the chaos while taking Thunder for a walk. Thunder loves art! Jeremy and Collin put on some shower goggles and take the chief’s Corvette for a spin. What could go wrong? Let’s clean up the neighborhood Kuffs-style!

Akira Saito (Sho Kosugi) is living a lovely life with his wife, Aiko (Donna Kei Benz), and their two young boys in Japan. Akira does have a secret. Is it that he’s awesome? Yes! One day, Aiko encourages Akira to move the family to the U.S. where she was born. They make the move. This does not go well – and quickly! Some local mob thugs have been storing their secret goods in a hidey hole adjacent to the Saito’s new residence. A cop on the take steals a necklace from the mob and an enforcer, Limehouse (James Booth), goes completely bananas in his own mind. Totally APE here! Limehouse proceeds to go on a series of odd adventures to harass and harm the Saito family. Akira is all, naw man! Then, he unleashes the full ninja – fancy head garb and all. RTS wonders if this was all real. Ninjas aren’t real, right? Wink! Collin takes the time to admire the stunning silk ninja-wear. Jeremy becomes a dock rat. It’s more appealing than one would think. La-Mar heads to Pier 25 for blowtorch games and loose necklace inquiries. Can we ever truly put our shadows behind ourselves?

A rich jackass, Ken Manchester (Brant von Hoffman), and his snooty wife, Barbara Manchester (Kathy Shower), hire a somewhat known adventurer, “Tennessee” Buck Malone (David Keith), to guide them through the Borneo jungle to hunt for a tiger. What this group did not count on is ANYTHING! Everything starts off with some elephant rampage. This then moves onto tin can plane flights and a tribe of hungry cannibals. Be prepared for zany music and lots of monkeying around – all until this becomes ultra dark! RTS casually borrows Buck’s magical amulet and gets out quickly. What was everyone else waiting for? Jeremy and La-Mar successfully take on hordes of cannibals. Nothing takes them down faster than introducing sugar into their diets.

Goooooooo! In this 1958 remake, some kind of pink craziness comes from space and is hungry. We don’t really know why it’s doing this or what this thing is, but it is growing, and it is everywhere! Meg (Shawnee Smith) is just trying to live her life without her boyfriend dissolving. GOO! Badboy, Brian (Kevin Dillon) isn’t having any luck jumping the gulch with his motorcycle. Mental GOO! Sheriff Herb Geller (Jeffrey DeMunn) has an 11:00 at night date with Fran (Candy Clark)! Can he get there? Mystery GOO! Oh, and Dr. Meddows (Joe Seneca) is going to put you in a van! You’re a van person now! Van GOO! RTS does not go around poking things with sticks/ does not mess around with cosmic stuff. Keep nature in nature! Jeremy and Hazel see everyone get dissolved and immediately leave town. Good luck town, you’re on your own! Anyone got a collapsible bazooka? As you watch, remember that “there’s always room for JELL-O.” It might have room for you, too!