John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a sweet, ex-military man trying to live his retired life with his daughter, Jenny (Alyssa Milano). When he’s not logging or walking around with logs, he’s eating ice cream and feeding wild deer. Now, Arius (Dan Hedaya) and his number one thug, Bennett (Vernon Wells), pull John back into the game by kidnapping Jenny. John is all Command-NO about it! He somehow teams up with Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong) to fly planes and get things done. Is Cindy the new mom? RTS checks out some brochures to Val Verde. Between the warlords, plotting and potential alien monsters, this place has something for everyone. La-Mar tells a bunch of people they’ll die last. He lied about it. They’re taken out rather quickly. Collin starts wearing his own chainmail vest. The trend has started to take off. Brent makes his Rabbit Troop Sucks debut by jumping out of a plane and leaving bodies along the way. Also, he’s going full commando! ‘Tis the season!

We’ve got a bonus episode, birthday boy Jeremy and more Christmas Fun! Carol Vanstone (Jennifer Aniston) is going full Grinch and is planning to shut down the Chicago branch of the tech company her brother Clay (T.J. Miller) runs. To combat this, Clay, with his CTO Josh (Jason Bateman), tries to land one big client, Walter Davis (Courtney B. Vance), to save the day, the jobs, the spirit of the season, the world, etc… A real Christmas miracle is that Tracey (Olivia Munn) develops magical internet technology that connects to the power grid. While all of this is happening, there is one hell of an office party going on in the city. RTS straps on some cash and makes it a party to remember. Jeremy swings from strands of lights and does obscene things to laser printers. La-Mar finds out that Cronuts are a “bastard pastry.” Collin learns that God drives a Kia just like Mary (Kate McKinnon). Buckle up! There are MANY amazing cameos throughout this film. Jillian Bell and Randall Park are tying this season together! Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays! We have exclusive tickets to the Nutcracker Ball for you and your loved ones. Just don’t let Miley Cyrus talk you into anything you don’t want to do. In 2001, Ethan Miller (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) loses his parents in a tragic car accident. Ever since, his two best friends, Isaac (Seth Rogan) and Chris (Anthony Mackie), celebrate the holidays so Ethan isn’t alone. Now, as the trio have grown and have more life obligations, they decide this is the last year for their traditions. And, they have tickets to the mythical Nutcracker Ball. On the surface, the rest of the night is a drink/drug-fueled series of shenanigans. At its core, the night is about rediscovering what real friendship is. Can Ethan figure things out with Diana (Lizzy Caplan)? Is Isaac ready to be a father? Can Chris find himself amongst his growing fame? RTS rolls around with Mr. Green (Michael Shannon) and healthily maintains within the “Christmas present.” Jeremy crucifies the “messiah.” Whoops! La-Mar starts Home Alone-ing people on the streets. Collin befriends all the statues at a nativity scene. Rami, after a church debacle, earns his wings. Be merry! Be safe, and have fun! Remember to appreciate the family you have made along the way.

Brick Bardo (Tim Thomerson) is a tough cop living on some trash world of Arturos. After proving, yet again, how rad he is, he tells the mayor to shove it. Rules be damned! Crime doesn’t take a day off. Unfortunately, Bardo’s long-time and now disassembled baddie-rival, Sprug (Frank Collison), zaps them both to the Bronx on Earth. In comparison, Bardo is only thirteen inches in height to average Earth adults. Good thing he has his "Groger Blaster.” Once on Earth, Bardo meets and helps out Debi (Kamala Lopez). He realizes that her and her son are up against Braxton Red (Jackie Earle Haley) and his local neighborhood gang, and he shows everyone how they do it from Arturos. RTS smashes a floating space head upon sight. Most didn’t realize that was an option. Jeremy refuses to take his sunglasses off – even at night! “Tell me size doesn’t count.”

In a sort of what if, youthful versions of Sherlock Holmes (Nicholas Rowe) and John Watson (Alan Cox) meet at an English boarding school. After quick introductions, Holmes demonstrates his legendary sleuthing abilities (based on the writings of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle). We see a tender side of Holmes as well. Elizabeth (Sophie Ward) lives on the school grounds with her uncle. When the game is not afoot, Holmes is usually, flirtatiously, hanging with her. Unfortunately, the game is afoot! People are getting blow darted! There is a string of recent deaths that may be related. A cloaked Jawa is lurking around. There is an Egyptian cult! RTS takes on a stained-glass knight come to life. We’re all poker pals now. Jeremy checks out the Egyptian wrap and wax. It isn’t for him. La-Mar relies on “perception, intelligence, and imagination [and whiskey].” Collin fights some crazed cream puffs in a graveyard. “Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent." Let’s solve a mystery together in this winter tale written by Chris Columbus.

Combat Black Friday! You have all that you need. Learn from this couple. You don’t need excess when you have each other. Alice (Juno Temple) and John (Michael Angarano) are trying to improve their lives. Unfortunately, it seems no matter what they do, they’re more or less stuck. But, they do love each other. After Alice makes off with a teapot from an antique shop, she quickly learns that pain, in all forms, causes the teapot to spill out cash. John has lost his job. Arnie (Billy Magnussen) is demanding the rent. Payton (Alexis Bledel) is making everyone feel as if they are in high school. How far will this couple go to buy the lives they desire? Dr. Ling (Steve Park) cautions them against this. RTS joins a local fight club to fill that teapot. Jeremy rides the lightning! That’s a real cash generator! La-Mar cartwheels down a flight of steps. Collin does things with candle wax that will occupy your dreams for weeks to come. In the end, you don’t need to buy anything. Also, we are currently accepting your donations. <3

T-Grande! Let us lend you a helping hand this year. While you are prepping your heart out or chowing down all hog wild, let us share with you a very fantastical tale on this very special T-Grande episode. Everything is getting mashed, and there will be gravy! Tango (Sylvester Stallone) and Cash (Kurt Russell) are supposed to be the best in the LAPD. There are newspaper articles coming out every few moments indicating this. And, when these two get framed by Perret (Jack Pallance) and sent to prison, oh boy! There will most certainly be newspaper montages! These two are able to escape and then go on a series of adventures to clear their names, seek justice, get a souped-up RV and we all get to meet Kiki (Teri Hatcher), and we see why “they’re real and they’re spectacular.” RTS dresses by the rules but doesn’t play by them. Jeremy learns what can be achieved when you tape a hand grenade to someone’s mouth. La-Mar builds and displays an elaborate mouse maze. Thanks to everyone who suggested this film over the years. We are grateful for you! Enjoy some T-Grande trivia and our offtrack/on brand discussions of pies and all things seasonal.

Kids these days! Out causing trouble! Always involved in some sort of mischief. Resurrecting into ghoul demons and trying to eat everyone around! Hey, don’t blame the kids. Blame the ancient curse. Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and his psychic partner with a case of the blues, Alley Oates (Deborah Rose), get caught up in this zombie madness. Can they get out? Shepard (Norman Fell) has a ponytail. Will that assist anyone? RTS casually walks out the front door and drives off. Those cursed demon children never see it coming. Jeremy takes on Miss Pooppinplatz (Phyllis Diller) after she eats some head goo. La-Mar explodes Floofsoms. Collin impales (via a forklift) all who stand in his way. If you get a psychic vision to hang out here, you just got bone-yarded.