“I’ve experienced things I never thought I’d experience. I’ve experienced freedom I never thought I would have. I didn’t even know it existed.”

This a powerful reflection around sobriety from this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ that I really relate to. Harry Gay (he/him) - YES, that’s his real name and there’s a brilliant story about it in this episode - is a DJ, event producer & activist. He’s the Founder & Co-Director of London-based DJ collection Queer House Party which started as online venture during lockdown fronted by a crew of frontline workers who threw their DJ equipment together & went with it. It’s since become a mainstay of nightlife in the capital - bold, political, unapologetic.

Harry brings a shit ton of creativity, skill & energy to his DJing & reflects on the journey as DJ & Queer House Party, what it stands for and how it’s evolved organically.

Little Harry grew up in Hertfordshire in a working class, single parent household and we chat about his constantly being in trouble at school, family dynamics & feeling out of place. His experience of ADHD, and a later diagnosis, have helped him make sense of much of this and he goes on to describe how going sober has also become a part of that. Which is particularly timely given he’s just celebrated his third soberversary.

Despite struggling with education, Harry went on to become top of his class at university and his studies, as well as settling into London life, informed much of his work around activism, advocacy & campaigning on a variety of issues including supporting asylum seekers, homelessness & youth advocacy.

When asked what he’s proud of, Harry reflects on his 15 year old self sneaking out to G-A-Y bar in Soho where he started to find community, belonging & an interest in politics. He also fondly reflects on the angry energy he had in his 20s. These days, despite being in nightlife and living the freelance life, he enjoys calmness. And the three words Harry uses to describe his origin story - Kicking-Off. Chaos. Serenity - really capture him & his origin story.

“Trust yourself. No-one knows what they’re doing. It’s a realisation I had far too late”. He’s not just one of my favourite DJs out there. Harry is someone I’ve personally learned a lot from & I’m so grateful for this conversation as I close out season 3. Enjoy!

“I don’t care if it’s just one person at a time. Because one person talks to one person talks to one person. That’s how you win.”

LGBTQ+ inclusion and rugby in the topic here as this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ shares their efforts in founding & becoming the Chair of the World's First LGBTQIA+ supporters' association in World Professional Rugby, QuinsPride at Harlequins. It’s impressive - and so is Emily Hamilton (she/her).

Emily is Deputy CEO of Trans in the City and a FTSE 100 Vice President with a 25 year career in Strategic Change and Transformation. She’s a global speaker on Trans+ inclusion, mental health & business effectiveness. She sits on advisory panels for the Police and CPS in the cause of eradicating LGBTQ+ Hate Crime and Violence against Women and Girls. She’s award winning - rightly so - and she’s using her passion, expertise & skills to improve the lives of trans+ individuals in the workplace & beyond.

Little Emily grew in West London and knew she was different. She had a fascination with jewelry & wanted to be Madonna. During an appointment with a child psychologist in an early attempt to come out. “I’m a girl”, she shared. She knew she’d said something wrong from the response leading to conversion therapy.

Masking, self preservation & shame are all part of Emily’s story. And whilst she reflects fondly of her career in the military, like other guests, there was the constant fear of ‘the knock on the door’. Emily’s advocacy for mental health means she openly shares her multiple experiences of attempting suicide & the life-saving call from a dear friend being the reason she is still her today.

And she’s proud to still be here. “If you’re not here, you can’t do any more good, can you?”. I know I speak for so many people when I say I’m truly glad Emily is still here.

The words Emily uses to describe her origin story are ‘Stubbon. Tenacity. Frightened.’ All of which shape Emily, her purpose & her lived experience as a bisexual, Trans woman. And whilst the current landscape for the Trans+ community is frightening and has taken her back to a darker space over the last 6 - 9 months, Emily sees hope - more organisation & urgency, a greater sense of community & egos dropping away as we come together.

She believes change is possible. The army taught her that “if the political will is there you can change rapidly”. We talk through her career shift from the army to business as well as self-care & kindness, accountability & forgiveness, the cost of visibility, Emily’s pride in her wonderful daughter & not waiting for permission to ‘do the thing’.

Please note | We cover some challenging topics in this episode, specifically around mental health & suicide so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“It’s all about changing hearts & minds. That’s kind of me all over really.”

With a career in PR working across small & large agencies through to founding TransMission PR - lovingly described as her third child - for Aby Hawker (she/her), it’s truly a mission driven by love, values & an incredibly clear stance on what it’s all about. That being to flip the narrative and prioritise uplifting Trans+ representation & stories across the board.

Aby is the first LGBTQ+ ally I’ve had on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ and we talk about her journey to the space she’s in now as a cisgender, straight woman from taking on comms in Trans+ healthcare for Gender GP over a decade ago through to founding a Trans+ focused PR agency that centres collaboration, lived experience & expertise and positive change for the community. I was curious as to how much of Aby’s origin story has influenced the Aby we know & love today…

Little Aby was a self-labelled “total swot” who wasn’t easily deterred from her goals. She reflects on how this was driven by a need to please, potentially as a result from coming from a divorced background, but how it’s got her to where she needed to be. Being born in Italy & spending time there throughout her life meant that Aby completed a degree in languages which sparked the revelation “now I know what I don’t want to do”.

Aby’s determination, clarity around who she is & a firm belief in what’s right & wrong clearly shows up in her work now. An eternal optimism, tenacity & learning to be a bit braver are fundamental to her story and the three words she uses to describe herself & her origin story ‘Run Towards It’ couldn’t be more fitting.

We chat about career failures, take-aways for anyone wanting to go into PR, parenting, success & happiness and some solid advice including ‘don’t be a dick’. Enjoy!

If your organisation would like to work with TransMission PR, get in touch | https://transmissionpr.com/

Oh and go stream ‘First Day’ on YouTube - available to watch now | https://www.youtube.com/@firstdaytvseries

“To blend is not something I want to do.”

And this certainly shows with this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’. Whether it’s through their creative outlets, owning their queerness as a superpower or busting out nail polish that matches the front cover of their debut book, Andrew Flewitt (he/him) is passionate, unapologetic & ambitious. He’s the host & producer of the podcast ‘Queer I Am’, now approaching its sixth season, public speaker and now author.

In our conversation, Andrew reflects on his twenties as a period where he did blend having followed a fairly heteronormative approach to life - something he didn’t realise at the time but that he’s definitely not following now!

Andrew’s life has been massively shaped by loss. It’s the centre of his newly published book ‘Do You Believe in Life After Loss: Queer Stories of Loss, Hope & Resilience’. It’s a topic the book, & this conversation, dives into. Through interviews with those featured in the book as well as his own experiences, Andrew is changing the way we look at & talk about loss because essentially, as he states, “we all lose”.

From the death of one of his best friends at 26 and his father several years ago through to the breakdown of his relationship, & subsequent reconciliation, with his partner Theo, Andrew shares it all. He also reflects on the importance of walking from toxic family dynamics - an experience that resonates deeply with me - and how this is often best for everyone.

We discuss how Little Andrew LOVED Tina Turner & was a bit of a dreamer as well as his early working life as a hotel receptionist & the insurance industry before establishing a career in HR. Having chased success, he admits it’s a role he enjoys - that’s ultimately led him to where & who he is now - but it’s his creativity that’s his true passion. Pursuing that came later in life with a growing confidence & life experience.

“I love a lot. I love hard.” This is also pretty clear when you get to Andrew so listen in & enjoy… Oh & go grab a copy of his new book from your local queer independent retailer & download ‘Queer I Am’.

“It's exhausting existing authentically in a world that claims to value authenticity. But at every turn of that authenticity being revealed asks it to politely put itself in the box that it was given.”

This conversation is PACKED with deep reflection & wise wise wise words of wisdom from Darkwah (they/them), this week’s guest for ‘Pause. And Rewind…’

Darkwah is a multi-disciplinary artist, content creator, activist & visionary with a passion for beauty, self-expression & community. We explore where all of these things stem from including Little Darkwah’s upbringing, breaking away from tradition & not ever feeling safe to give all of themself to those around them; through to a moment looking in the mirror whilst residing at a YMCA where they decided to stop running away.

The conversation gets fired up from the start with Darkwah expressing their rage at companies pulling back on their support for Pride & the LGBTQ+ community. It’s a rage born out of love for humanity. Love is a common theme during this episode. We explore Darkwah’s journey into polyamory, its complexities, lessons & joy. Darkwah shares how their partner Dom has shown them how to love themself and given them space to “be still, reflect a little more & be softer to the touch.”

Together they’ve got a new venture coming up called ‘Grow Your Glow’ in collaboration with Blossom LGBT+ which they’re super excited about!

Our chat also covers putting the term ‘maybe’ in the bin, the importance of finding your ‘why’ when thinking about inclusion, what’s on the menu when cooking for friends & an enthusiastic outburst for Britney Jean Spears. As always, Darkwah SHOWS UP in this episode… ENJOY!

Please note | We cover some challenging topics in this episode, specifically around mental health & suicidal thoughts so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“It’s all just a happy accident.”

I love the above sentiment from this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…” when talking about their career. I also bloody love them - and it’s a hard relate too!

George Lester, or That Girl, is an author & drag queen. I first met them in early 2023 during the protests against drag queen storytime that were taking place at the Honor Oak pub in Southeast London. The local community came out in force to protect both the drag performers & the pub and stand-up against the bigots. That Girl became the ‘very pretty’ face & voice of the counter protests. We reflect on our experiences of this which led to their incredible one person show ‘That Girl vs The World’ which tells the story of their drag career & the protests.

To reiterate the opening line, this was accidental - That Girl was simply filling in for a friend yet this boosted their profile. They’re now one of London’s firm favourite drag queens. Booked & blessed as they say. Not just because of this… they’re also insanely talented!

Little George describes himself as a ‘creative little monster’ always putting on shows for adults. Though when not performing, don’t perceive him! It’s a contradiction & balancing act he thrives in. His creativity extends to writing and George is now a published author with two books out in the world - ‘Boy Queen’ & ‘Don’t Die Alone Lucas Cook’ - both of which are a dream come true. He recalls reaching out to publishers when he was just 12 years old & still has physical rejection letters.

“So many rejections. So many near misses. So many ‘no’s’.” George strives to find the good in these instances. Taking philosophy from Rachel Green from Friends of all places, he jokes, he believes things work out because ‘they have to’.

We talk about George’s publishing career & writing experience, the phone call telling him he’d been accepted into drama school and his journey into drag - which he describes as one of the greatest joys of his life. When talking about performing, he shares “I'm like looking out at a sea of faces who are all smiling & screaming this song back at me, and it's like, Oh, this feels like Wembley Stadium. But it's not. It's a little bar in Soho, and I feel like I'm on a cloud like it's just pure joy.”

Listen in for a truly gorgeous chat. Grab yourself a copy of George’s books. And get yourself to a bar to see That Girl perform. You’re in for a treat!

“I thought at that time it definitely will get better. You'll be able to escape the situation, and I had a feeling within myself even at the time. I said, you will be able to escape it.”

This was one of many deep reflections from this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ when thinking about their younger self at just 12 years old.

Tolu Osinubi (she/her) is a Director at Deloitte, passionate public speaker & an incredible advocate & ally for the inclusion, intersectionality & the LGBTQ+ community.

Little Tolu moved from Lagos to Greater Manchester and whilst she was initially wowed by this huge change, it wasn’t long before experiences of racism & feelings of otherness. Growing up was further compounded by a challenging home life & strict expectations. Her strained relationship with her parents went through additional friction especially after coming out.

Not feeling like she fit in has massively shaped Tolu’s journey in Diversity, Equity & Inclusion. Upon the topics of discrimination & exclusion, she straight up says “not on my watch.”

We discuss our mutual experiences of burnout & this coupled with a serious health complication has informed Tolu’s insistence on self-care, boundaries & empathy for others. It has also led to a firm commitment to appreciate all of life’s moments, including the hard parts. Tolu loves travelling & beams when talking about her recent trip to South Africa, including an appreciation for South African soap dramas!

There’s a beautiful moment in this chat where Tolu reflects on the fact she’s grown into someone that would have protected her as a child - something she feels truly proud of. And with it being Pride month, this feels very poignant for sure!

PLEASE NOTE | We cover some potentially triggering moments during this conversation related to Tolu’s upbringing, growing up queer & estrangement. Please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“Don't forget luck. I think everyone feels like they're in control, and they can do it all. And if you just slog it out hard enough it will come to you. Sometimes, it’s just luck. Let go and see what comes.”

Calling your company ‘The Unmistakables’ is a bold move but when it’s grounded in science & rigour plus a touch of cheekiness with a truly innovative leader in charge, it just makes sense. It was founded by this week’s guest Asad Dhunna (he/him) back in 2018 and as consultancy specialising in DEI, it boasts an incredibly committed & skilled team doing transformational work when it comes to creativity, culture & positive change.

I’m a fan of both Asad & his work so I was so thrilled when Asad said yes to appearing on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’. We chat a lot about the story behind The Unmistakables and what makes it just that. We explore his mischievous side & how he’s learned to harness that over the years which really is evident in what he puts out there.

Coming out was a challenge and his first time in a gay venue - the iconic Ghetto which I used to go to weekly - was a conflicting experience of ‘I’m going to hell’ vs ‘This is fun’ running through his mind.

Asad shares he is still finding his destination in inclusion and his work has evolved as the DEI industry has shifted. His insistence on ‘trading off lived expertise vs lived experience’ and being able to back that up are all part of his deep insights, leadership & skills.

We dive into the difference between secrecy & privacy and how as queer people we often play a role that can undermine our seriousness - a point in the conversation that really stuck with me.

I loved getting to know Asad more & I am sure you will too. Plus there’s exciting stuff coming up from The Unmistakables so stay tuned!