Ask Rachel anything

The anxiety epidemic:
In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control.

Suggested books:

• The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry
• Breaking free from Childhood Anxiety and OCD, Eli Lebowitz.
• The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

Key points taken from UNWINDING ANXIETY: by Judson Brewer

Mindfulness is a key tool:

'If you feel anxious it’s an uncomfortable feeling so you start worrying about it. Worrying is seductive because it makes you feel like you’re doing something to get to a solution. All it does is to distract you from the negative emotion. It temporarily numbs the difficult feelings and feels more rewarding to your brain than the original emotion.'

'If your brain learns that worrying provides temporary relief, then whenever you’re anxious your brain will trigger worry. It becomes a compulsive habit over which you have no control, but the worrying makes you feel more anxious.'

• The first step to understanding your own anxiety is simply mapping your own habit loops/ What kind of situations trigger anxiety or other difficult feelings?
• Which behaviours has your brain learned to respond as a way to soothe or distract you?
• What is the result of those behaviours?'

When you get into an anxiety loop use:

RAIN:

• Recognise difficult feelings.
• Accept them and allow them to be there.
• Investigate the sensations in your body and emotions bubbling up.
• Note what’s going on, and simply observe yourself out of curiosity.

Other episodes:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/videos/anxiety-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-according-to-renee-mill-senior-clinical-psychologist/

Resources:

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/23/health/mental-health-crisis-teens.html
https://www.forbes.com/sites/williamhaseltine/2021/08/25/depression-and-anxiety-double-in-youth-compared-to-pre-pandemic/?sh=22e0bfb2139f
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/feeling-anxious-dont-worry-its-good-for-you-s70jvtdbx
https://childmind.org/article/signs-of-anxiety-in-teenagers/

RULES FROM:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/establishing-house-rules-for-teenagers-1094873

teenagersuntangled.substack.com

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Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

None of us likes blowing a fuse when our teen does something that triggers us, but we all do it at some point.

Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology?

It was such a great topic to suggest, and when it was first aired I had some amazing feedback from listeners who'd suddenly realised that they were reacting in the way they had been programmed to by their own family.

My daughter also told me that the main reason her friends don't tell her parents anything is that they think the parents either don't care or that they'll overract.

That's why this podcast is so valuable. It gives us as space to stop and think about the things that come to us unbidden, so that we can upack them and make changes that help us with our own relationships.

Long term, if we don't manage to adapt, we run the risk of ruining our connection with our teens because they learn that the best way to manage us parents is to keep quiet, hide, or lie to prevent a repeat.

So how can we stop ourselves from overreacting? We talk through some mindfulness techniques that could make all the difference.

This is also a VITAL skill to teach our own teens.

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:

• When You Lose It by Roxy and Gay Longworth
• The Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve Peters

RESOURCES:

• How to Stop Overreacting to Everything by Patrick Allan
• https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-stop-overreacting#recap
• https://theparentingreframe.com/the-4-steps-you-need-to-stopoverreacting-and-yelling-at-your-kids-for-good/
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201007/overreactions-in-adolescence

teenagersuntangled.substack.com

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

What's the point of fathers? Michael Ray, father and gender equality campaigner says the way they're portrayed in the media and advertising sends the impression that they are either bumbling idiots or not an important part of raising kids.

It was only when Michael was left raising his daughter alone that he became conscious of how little support there is for men taking on less traditional roles in the home. He highlights the lack of representation of fathers in media and advertising, noting that only 4% of parenting portrayals in Australia feature fathers.

Ray argues that we've made big changes to our views of women but that hasn't been matched either in the workplace or in the media for men, and true equality is only possible if men are given more status and respect in the role of father.

Michael Ray:

https://michaelray.com.au/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-ray-574079183/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk