What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

Remember those years when your child followed you everywhere, and gazed at you with adoring eyes because you knew everything? Have they now turned into a teenager who simply grunts, or screams at you, when they occasionally emerge from their bedroom?

Changes in a teenage brain help them to develop abstract thinking and self-reflection but they also make them hyper-critical and keen to develop emotional distance so they can practice life without you around.

What to do: Daniel Siegel says we need to teach them to have reflective conversations:

• Numerous brain studies show that when we do this (either with someone else or in our own heads) it stimulates the integration of the prefrontal cortex where planning and problem solving takes place, and allows us to tune into others ie empathy.

How to do it: JoAnn Deak - Girls will be girls.

• Don’t assume or jump in straight away.
• Don’t move straight to the fix-it mode.
• Help them to explore what they’re saying.
• Leave some grey areas.
• Discuss strategies for action. Don't overreact. Once you’re in the strategy phase that’s when your knowledge can help inform the teenager’s decisions.
• Don’t be afraid to provide your moral/philosophical bottom line. There are so many grey areas it can be a relief to know there are some black and white’s.

Techniques: Parent Gym based on how to talk so your kids will listen.

• Super silence and active listening.

When to do it?

• Try to develop regular non-crisis moments where conversations can happen. Saying goodnight, car journeys, meal-times, fixing their bike.
• Listen to the news together to start a discussion. Get them to entertain you. What’s the gossip? What are you reading? What have you been watching? What’s your favourite music at the moment? Take a genuine interest in their answers.

Books, and materials, we've referenced:

• Brainstorm by Daniel Siegel
• How to talk so your Kids will listen; How to listen so your kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
• Girls will be girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters by JoAnn Deak
• Parent Gym coaching materials

Tangling with your teenager
Helen wrote 'My sixteen year old is dating and says he’s in love. What do I do if he brings her home and wants her to stay the night? Do I put them in the same room, or separate them?'

ISSUES:

• Explore your own feelings about it, and why? Convey them to your child.
• Talk to the other parents to find out how they feel about it. If they aren’t happy, talk to the son about what his alternatives

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

It's a rare luxury to have both my girls available for half an hour to record an episode, and when I do I love to talk about listeners questions. Poor Amelia had a really bad cold, but she was still keen to help, so sorry about the sniffles.

This time we talked about:

Puberty and Body Changes

• Helping girls navigate early stages of puberty
• Discussing body changes with daughters
• Approaches to talking about wearing first bras

Toxic Friendships

• Defining what makes a friendship toxic
• Recognizing unhealthy friendship dynamics
• Setting boundaries and knowing when to end a friendship
• Importance of self-worth in friendship.

"Pick Me" Girls

• Origin and meaning of the term
• Different interpretations of "pick me" behavior
• Internalized misogyny
• How the term is used to criticize or police women's behavior

Gender Dynamics

• Male gaze and body shaming
• Societal expectations for girls and boys
• Pressures to conform to certain behaviors
• Importance of being authentic

If you have any other questions for my girls don't feel shy about messaging us.

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

Long term listener, Cathy, has asked us some very heartfelt and important questions about how to support her teen at university. It's an excellent topic for us to tackle since Susie currently has one at university, I have one about to go, and two who have already graduated, one of whom gave me some excellent tips.

It's a topic that evokes mixed-emotions for everyone.

Here's what Cathy wrote:

Please 'discuss how best to support your teen as they go off to university and live away from home for the first time. How about if they don't like their roommate, or they have difficulty sharing a room, or they have problems adjusting academically and or socially to university and they want to come home? Any tips for success?'

We’ll be digging into those questions and more. We’ll look at the dropout rates to get an idea of what goes wrong.what challenges students face — from social pressure to mental health — and what you can do now to prepare your teen not just to survive university, but to thrive.

We also share practical tips — like life skills they should master before they go, what kind of support they need once they’re there, and how to let go without disappearing completely.

So, whether your teen is packing their bags this summer or just starting to explore their options, this episode will give you real tools to support them — and yourself — during one of the biggest transitions in family life.

What struck me was that kids who start out well tend to have much higher rates of completion than those who struggle at the offset. It may seem obvious, but it's a very useful indicator of how important those early days and weeks are.

It fits very neatly with the work of Dr Gregory Walton, Ordinary Magic, who featured in last week's episode. He says there are deep questions we ask at key points in life. These points are TIC's.

T: Transitions in life.

I: Points at which our Identity as at stake.

C: When we have big Challenges.

Often we are not conscious of these questions, but they can play havoc with our lives if we don't deal with them.

The two big questions that comes up for university joiners are:

Do I belong?

Can I do this?

PRINCIPLES FOR THIS FROM ORDINARY MAGIC:

1 - Avoid negative labels. (I'm not bad)

2 - You're not the only one. (It's normal)

3 - Recognise causes taht don't malign you or others. (These are real obstacles for me)

4 - Forecast improvement. (It can get better)

5 - Recognise opportunities (Look for options and silver linings)

I will be urging my daughter to engage fully with as many clubs

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk