Welcome back to NonMembers Only, broadcasting boots on the ground from the New York City Marathon! We kick off the weekend hauling heavy luggage to the expo after a bumpy ride on the NJ Transit "Soviet Russia" train. We embark on a side quest for a volunteer pigeon plushie, drop our bags with Sarah at Fleet Feet, and get energized experiencing the Volvo bus and Polaris seats. It's Halloween, and we debate if trick-or-treating in an inflatable T-Rex costume counts as a sport before making an underwhelming visit to a surprisingly quaint Nintendo Store. We then meet up with Regan, whose hotel room was left wide open by housekeeping for five hours—to pick up a massive bag of candy, leading to an argument with Gemini when the AI gaslit us by claiming the bag only weighed 15 pounds.

On race day, our master plan to hand out candy at Mile 24.5 in Central Park completely flops. Placed halfway up a grueling hill, runners completely ignored us, and those who did grab candy only took it from Regan's tray. We did manage to spot Nev from Catfish running a blistering 3:29:48, but completely missed our friend Jamal! Seeking refuge and an outlet to record, we tried posting up in a quiet mall corner, only to get harassed by a weird drunk guy with a beer and promptly kicked out by a mall security guard. Back on the course, we witnessed rogue spectators and cheer stations and we finally found a single, rancid "Royal Flush" porta-potty to pose with. We also marvel at the extended mile-long finish line party and rant about the functionally useless, crescent-shaped trash cans in our hotel room.

Finally, we wrap up our exhausting weekend by finding our new ultimate comfort watch: ESPN Ocho, featuring competitive foosball, death diving, and dodgeball archery, marking Erin's last episode before her upcoming surgery.

We kick off on National Deviled Eggs Day with Erin proudly sharing her lazy-person hack for deviled eggs. We share personal updates, with Erin revealing she has been practicing her billiards skills at her parents' house, managing to sink five balls in a row to keep up with her dad, a former pool shark who is still crushing it despite having Parkinson’s. In sports, they analyze a chaotic college football moment where Texas Longhorns quarterback Arch Manning threw an interception, only for the opposing team to immediately throw one right back on the very next play. We also check in on the Pepto Pugskins fantasy football team, lamenting a brutal loss to Alex's team while marveling at the discovery of hidden app tabs to pick up undrafted players.
Preparing for the New York City Marathon, we discuss the dire porta-potty situations on race courses, which leads into a deep dive on a stellar NJ.com article by Adam Clark about the $3 billion porta-potty industry. They expose how private equity takeovers have led to dirty units and literal "porta-potty graveyards," praising local private companies like "Poor Johns" for keeping things clean. In other news, they react to a new gene-edited banana that never turns brown, the expensive reality of spending up to six figures to camp in the infield at Talladega, and the grueling conditions and hip injuries that finally led the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders to unionize. We also review a newly announced Hyrox-branded cruise ship that replaced all deck leisure areas with intense workout stations.
We break down a hilariously cruel phishing scam orchestrated by the New York Knicks' IT department, which tricked long-time employees into clicking a malicious link by promising them fake championship rings. We also discuss a massive $1 million FedEx heist right outside the PSA grading headquarters in California, where thieves broke into an unattended truck and stole pallets of highly valuable, freshly graded sports and Pokémon cards—which the thieves will likely have to painstakingly crack out of their trackable plastic slabs to sell. Finally, in "No Bad, No Sad," we smile at a wholesome video of a 100-year-old nursing home resident casually grabbing his flute to accompany a visiting rockstar for an impromptu, lively blues jam session.

Episode 265 kicks off on National Pumpkin Day, skipping true crime in favor of real-life scares. Erin vents about the anxiety of seasonal depression, early sunsets, and the sheer audacity of websites asking her to "accept cookies" and steal her data. She provides a health update, noting a sharp pain in her shoulder during her pull-up workouts, and feeling the end-of-year pressure to use her health insurance. We recap a successful neighborhood Trunk-or-Treat, where Dan parked an illuminated sailboat and handed out highly coveted Fun Dip. Sadly, Bucky the pug couldn't participate in his sailor costume due to recent bladder stone surgery. Erin also admits to a severe sugar hangover after stress-eating leftover Butterfingers while playing ranked Fortnite matches.
Getting into the Halloween spirit, the hosts challenge each other with real-life terrifying scenarios. Erin presents Mike with an international travel nightmare involving an impending bout of diarrhea while waiting for a shuttle bus with no bathrooms, while Mike hits Erin with her ultimate fear: a surprise, high-stakes dinner with Martha Stewart featuring zero prep time and fancy dresses. Throughout the episode, Erin & Mike bravely taste-tests a bag of Swedish "Bubs" candies—including a lemon-raspberry hit and a questionable banana-toffee flavor—while avoiding the ones she labels "sour boogers".
We react to Pringles giving away an actual metal casket styled like their iconic chip can. On the sports front, we get a fantasy football update for the Pepto Pugskins as Erin discovers the complexities of player status tags like "questionable" and "bye" weeks, and arbitrarily drops a player because she didn't like his face. Finally, we review incredible footage of "Ralphie" the Buffalo, the University of Colorado Boulder's live mascot, and praise the first female handler to lead Ralphie's explosive sprint across the football field in tight Wrangler jeans and cleats.