Are "attention-seeking behaviors" only for children? In this episode of the My Marriage Mentors, Dr. Adrianne Wilson and Ovett Wilson delve into a topic seldom discussed in marriages: adult attention-seeking behaviors, or as The Gottman Institute defines them, "bids for attention". A bid for attention is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection.

Drawing on influential research from John Gottman, this episode highlights the crucial difference between couples who thrive and those who don't: their response to these bids. A study following newlyweds over six years found that couples who remained married turned towards each other when bids were presented a remarkable 86% of the time, whereas divorced couples did so only 33% of the time.

Discover why turning towards your spouse instead of away when bids for attention occur is highlighted as the secret to a healthy marriage. While bids can be simple or complex, and sometimes tricky to navigate, especially for men, understanding their primary and secondary layers and the intent and root causes behind them is key.

This episode emphasizes that commitment is a choice, just like choosing to turn towards your partner4. Learn how consciously working on recognizing and responding to bids can drastically improve the well-being of your marriage.

Every relationship is like building a house, and just like any construction, the materials matter. In this episode of My Marriage Mentors, Dr. Adrianne Wilson & Ovett Wilson explore the powerful analogy from their work, "Our House of Bricks" They delve into the four primary types of "bricks" that each person brings to a relationship.

Learn about the Good Bricks – the positive experiences, trust, and communication that form a strong foundation. Understand how Cracked Bricks, representing negative patterns like poor communication or unresolved conflicts, can create weak spots that need attention.... Discover how to approach Broken Bricks, which signify past trauma or deep wounds, with compassion and the potential for healing....

Finally, explore the importance of New Bricks – the tools, skills, and fresh perspectives acquired through life that are essential for growth and adaptation in a long-term bond....Building a resilient relationship is a shared effort, requiring ongoing care and attention to every brick.... While no relationship is perfect, and everyone carries different bricks, you have the power to choose how you deal with them and construct the home you want to build together.

Tune in to understand how recognizing and working with your unique set of bricks can help you build a solid, lasting relationship that stands the test of time.