203 "That couple is just so in love…so much more than we are!" "How come we can’t communicate like that?" "What's wrong with our relationship that my husband doesn't look at me like that?"

Ever sounded like that in your head? Ever compared your relationship, or your spouse, to other couples or spouses…and then felt even more unhappy about your relationship? Clients ask me about this often.

It's so common that there is a term for it: Compare and despair. Today, we are calling it Relationship Compare and Despair, since we will focus in how it affects our love lives. It’s a wired-in thing our brains just do as humans, especially if we aren't totally happy in our relationships. But it hurts and disempowers us, and makes our relationships worse.

So how do you stop? In this episode I will tell you, and help you turn this habit into something that, instead of making things harder, can help your marriage get better.

You will also learn what is driving the despair that often accompanies comparing, as well as the most important shift to make to put an end to most of the pain or upset you feel in your relationship, so you can effectively shape your relationship into one that feels lighter, more loving, and connected and all the things you want…

You can stop letting comparison undermine your love and connection. You can use it instead as an opportunity to make your marriage into the very best one it can be. Listen in to learn how.

SHOW NOTES:

• Join Hannah in her special end-of-year 3 session program, A BETTER MARRIAGE IN 1 MONTH: A Galvanizing Mini 1:1 Marriage Coaching Program For HS Women to start taking charge of what you can in your relationship, and see the power you have to change the whole culture of your marriage for the better. Click here to learn more.
• Take The 2 Minute Free Quiz: What's Your Best Next Step To Improve Your Marriage? Find out the most important place for you to focus on to make your unique marriage more loving and connected a sensitive woman.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

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202 Want to make sure you aren't settling for unfair treatment, letting your partner's hurtful behavior fly, passively just “taking” your partners rudeness, or being a doormat? Want to stand up for yourself and proactively make sure you get the BEST treatment from your spouse, not just the scraps? Ever wondered if what I share on this podcast lets your spouse get away with too much? This episode is for YOU!!!

You’ll learn how, for the best marriage possible with your spouse, you need to develop both a soft belly, and a strong back. In other words, you need an emotional skillset that allows for true open-heartedness (instead of reactivity and defensiveness) AND you need to take specific strategic "strong" actions that prevent any poor treatment and GET the loving treatment you deserve in your marriage.

I generally teach more about the soft belly piece, because you can’t do the strong back piece well without it–and this part does NOT get enough attention in the relationship advice/self-help world… BUT the strong back pieces (i.e. specific actions and strategies) are 100% essential, too, to have a great marriage.

So listen in today to hear what those “strong back” strategies are, and how you can learn more about implementing them, and what you must also be able to do in order for them to create a truly loving connected marriage (instead of a roommate or business-partner type relationship of cold functionality).

The magic lies in the combination of both a strong back and a soft belly, not one by itself. Come hear exactly what I mean.

SHOW NOTES

• Join Hannah for private 1:1 Marriage Coaching, and get her deep, super individualized support to make your marriage way more full of security, connection, love, and mutual support than ever. Get started by filling out this form.
• Take The 2 Minute Free Quiz: What's Your Best Next Step To Improve Your Marriage? Find out the most important place for you to focus on to make your unique marriage more loving and connected a sensitive woman.
  
  

One of the common behavior patterns we HSPs can be prone to is people pleasing – or partner pleasing! Interestingly, on the surface people pleasing seems lovely, it can wreak real emotional havoc and really hurt our intimate relationship over time.

Today my special guest, Todd Smith, a highly sensitive person and host of the podcast, Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, and I are going to talk about all about people and partner pleasing: what it looks like, what it leads to (ahem, talk about resentment! And overwhelm!), why we do it, and how it affects us and our marriages.

You’ll hear examples of how we both have "people pleased” in our own lives and relationships, and client stories, as well.

Then we will offer several ways to break this habit or pattern, and ultimately be TRUE to yourself, more authentic and honest in your marriage, and feel more loved for who you really are.

Whether you think you may sometimes fall in to people pleasing, or not, you may be surprised at what you’ll learn about yourself and other people in your life as you listen to this fun, important, laughter-filled conversation. You’ll come away intrigued by how much opportunity for real loving change can come from leaving this pattern in the past, and clear on how to get started.

SHOW NOTES:

TODD SMITH:

• Find Todd's website and free Stress Test HERE
• Listen to his podcast, Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People here.

HANNAH BROOKS

• FREE QUIZ: How Much is High Sensitivity Impacting Your Relationship (and are you even highly sensitive)? You want to know. Because, high sensitivity has a major impact on intimate relationships – for better or worse. Take this 3 minute quiz to discover if you're highly sensitive and how deeply it’s affecting you, and your happiness in your relationship. You will also get your next steps to making sure sensitivity works for your relationship, instead of against it.
• Join Hannah for private 1:1 Marriage Coaching, and get her deep, super individualized support to make your marriage way more full of security, connection, love, and mutual support than ever--WITHOUT PEOPLE PLEASING. Get started by filling out this form.
• See her on-demand relationship courses for HSPs here.