It's the Season 2 finale! Host Dr. Allison Alford joins mother-daughter duo Leah & Dr. Mildred Boveda to explore the role of daughtering through the lens of youth activism and Critical Race Theory, rooted in Black Feminism. Allison's Google Alerts serendipitously connected her to the Bovedas; ahh the beauty of the research community!

Leah, a student at Brown University, reflects on her previous experiences as a youth activist in critical race debates after moving from FL to AZ, and how this culture shift impacted her adolescence. Leah tells her story, describing how she daughtered non-familial adults by both challenging and appreciating them.

Dr. Mildred Boveda—an award-winning professor at Penn State University, scholar and expert in special education studies—tells her story of making an impact in education, describes her work around Critical Race Theory and unpacks some thoughtful ideas for listeners to better understand current debates. Next, they discuss the Bovedas article, Centering Youth of Color Activism & Knowledge in the Critical Race Theory Debates (Boveda & Boveda, 2023). Shout out to to Dr. Venus Evans-Winters for her research in daughtering as well as for her mentorship of Leah!

Mothering and daughtering roles can be found in both familial and non-familial relationships; through these connections women make sense of the world. Mildred explains how mothers, or nurturers, make space for daughters and the generations to come, while acknowledging how younger people can aid understanding. There is both an honoring by daughters toward mothers and a push to do better. Leah adds that daughtering can take place almost anywhere, but is particularly salient in youth activism, and in this space, effective communication is key.

As the final season of Hello Mother, Hello Daughter comes to a close, we would like to extend our gratitude to all our listeners! Want to share your daughtering story? Contact us at 100daughtersproject@gmail.com.

Reflection Questions from hosts, Drs. Allison Alford & Michelle Miller-Day:

• Who are you daughtering? What separates daughtering from friendship or other relational connections?
• Do you think they recognize your daughtering?
• Have you considered having a conversation with close women in your life to discuss non-familial daughtering or mothering?

To learn more about CRT:
Explore the research of Derrick Bell, Kimberlé Crenshaw, Cheryl Harris, & Patricia J. Williams (to name a few!)

Memorable Quotes:
“Mothering and daughtering are two sides of the same coin. I am not dismissed in this daughtering role.” -Leah

“Maybe my mom didn’t have the opportunities that I did, but as her daughter, I should honor her and uplift her so that other people can know what she helped me understand and what I helped her understand” -Dr Mildred Boveda

Links:

• In memoriam, honor, and love for Mildred's Mami: a collection of stories
• Boveda, L., & Boveda, M. (2023). Centering Youth of Color Activism and Knowledge in the Critical Race Theory Debates. Teachers College Record, 125(5), 118-129.
• Mildred's blog on CRT.
• Leah's project: Melanin Minds.

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Tales from the Bridal Salon. A Discussion with Emily Lappi

Whose wedding is it anyway? When it comes to a bride’s big day, choosing a wedding
dress is anything but simple — especially while navigating the complex
mother-daughter relationship.

In this week’s episode, we hear from Emily Lappi, a bridal consultant, actor, former podcast host, and friend of Dr. Michelle Miller-Day. With over eight years of experience styling brides, Emily has truly seen it all, sharing numerous stories that highlight topics such as body image, menstruation, and parental health. She views the dress selection process as a symbol of a woman coming into her own power as she prepares for marriage, independent of her mother. Considering the pressure that can be felt from one’s mother, family, or media depictions, it is essential for brides to set boundaries while remaining open to change. Rather than asking what a mother “wants,” Emily suggests asking what she “sees” her daughter wearing; this centers the focus of the wedding dress shopping (and the wedding) on the bride and her partner. As a stylist, Emily works to bridge any gaps between a mother and daughter, keeping the bride’s happiness paramount.

Emily describes witnessing hurtful communication practices like mothers who retreat or attack during bridal fittings, withholding communication or making hurtful comments about their daughter's physical appearance. In response, brides “deflate” under their mother’s disapproval. A better way forward, Emily says, is for a Mother of the Bride (MOBs) to practice active listening. Active listening allows daughters to lead the experience with mothers reflecting upon daughters' communication, holding back any negative appraisals. Michelle and Emily discuss the importance of mother-daughter communication when wedding dress shopping and how Gen Z daughters and their mothers seem to be more accepting of one another. Learning how to communicate effectively has become a lot more accessible thanks to social media. And that's a good thing! After all, it is your daughter’s wedding!

Tips from the hosts, Drs. Allison Alford and Michelle Miller-Day:

1. Mothers often see daughters as extensions of their own bodies — be mindful of the comments being made.
2. Have a conversation prior to the bridal appointment to set boundaries and articulate expectations.
3. Hold the experience with “open hands” by considering new possibilities

Quote from Emily
“It’s not about what the dress looks like, it's how you feel in it — because how you feel in your dress is what shows in your photos.”

Quote from Michelle
“Comments matter. Be careful and aware of the comments that you make. You serve as a model for your daughter.”

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and Facebook: facebook.com/hellomotherhellodaughter

Featuring an open discussion between our host, Dr. Allison Alford, and family
communication expert, Dr. Sandra Faulkner, this episode explores the many ways that
we “do family,” the experiences of adult daughters throughout the COVID-19
pandemic, and leaning into creativity as a means of processing.

Dr. Sandra Faulkner shares her experiences as a professor (Bowling Green State University), encouraging students to employ creative practices when applying theory to better understand their lives. Such art based research is evident in her article “Buttered Nostalgia,” where Sandra describes using cooking to explore instances of everyday caregiving, acts of daughtering, and interactions between siblings during the pandemic. Sandra describes herself as an adult daughter and mother like a "rubber band," being pulled and stretched towards those who need you: both your parents and your own child and partner.

Allison and Sandra also mention the desire to be “mothered” or “daughtered”
throughout time, sharing personal stories as both mothers and daughters while examining their upbringings and relationships with their own children. Referencing a recent chapter she wrote, "Family Communication as an Art," Sandra encourages listeners to get a sense of their familial relationships through creative outlets such as writing a letter, even if it's never sent!

Tips from our hosts, Drs. Allison Alford and Michelle Miller-Day, to process thoughts
about family relationships:

1. Imagine you are writing a bumper sticker description of your relationship (like a catchphrase).
2. Bring a box of art supplies to your next family gathering.
3. Use poetry or other forms of writing to express one’s feelings and enhance the mind-body connection.
4. Send funny memes! Laugh a little. :)
5. Write a letter to express yourself. Remember, it doesn't have to be mailed.

More on Dr. Sandra Faulkner:
Podcast on collage
https://theautoethnographer.com/new-podcast-how-can-collage-be-utilized-in-autoethnography/

Collage of Mothering poems
https://theautoethnographer.com/collage-and-erasure-poems-baby/

Buttered Nostalgia https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/02654075211012478

Cook’s Corner: A lot of love in this cake: Faulkner family recipe is flexible simple.
https://www.sent-trib.com/2022/11/15/cooks-corner-a-lot-of-love-in-this-cake-faulkner-family-recipe-is-flexible-simple/

TEDxBGSU highlights the meaning of Public Good
https://www.bgsu.edu/news/2022/04/tedxbgsu-highlights-the-meaning-of-public-good.html?fbclid=IwAR13EAm4mQRG_B_JF_z-Yx2Ibx9cLXf_a4RBCJg9vNJRFhR0TD7QT2UdCrk

BG Ideas Podcast Double-Duty Caretaking During COVID-19
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/double-duty-caretaking-during-covid-19/id
1459394334?i=1000534645245

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