Welcome to SPECTRE etc. This is the James Bond podcast where we discuss the ins and the outs of each film. In this episode, we take the Pierce out of Brosnan and reminisce about mid-90s technology. Join us as we call in on an old flame with ”Goldeneye”.

* The pre-titles sequence introduces our new Bond with a failed mission, bookended by successful stunts. Then Tina takes a turn at the titles track as great graphics get us revved up for this new age of James.

* Bond visits a casino and tries to stay on top of Xenia, but an Admiral pulls rank. In order to steal a helicopter, Xenia squeezes an ID out of the Admiral, then squeezes into a jumpsuit.

* Boris and Natalya (great with computers, not so good with the puns) are the only survivors when Onatopp and General Ourumov open fire inside a Russian satellite station.

* Meanwhile, Bond visits MI6 to introduce a much-improved Moneypenny, a somehow-still-employed Tanner, and the best M yet. M gives Bond a bourbon and a dressing-down, then sends him to St. Petersburg. A quick trip to Q’s lab provides more comic relief than useable technology.

* In Russia, James meets an old foe who has become a new friend. This leads to reuniting with Valentin, who sends James to a spa to meet Janus. Onatopp is there, so things get steamy before Bond convinces her to take him to Janus. Bond’s Russian reunions continue when it emerges that Janus is yet another old friend - not a two-faced Roman god, but a two-faced ex-MI6 agent.

* Bond is tranquilised and wakes up strapped into a helicopter, alongside Natalya. James has to use his head to escape. Bond & Natalya snitch to the Russian authorities, before Ourumov creates some friction in the non-fiction section.

* James drives a tank through the city streets, and then somehow uses it to sneak up on Ourumov’s train. Ourumov later confuses this train with a battering ram, which is the beginning of the end for Ourumov.

* Bond and Natalya take a brief break from the action to give James time to “find himself” with a beach-side sunset. Once 007 has found James, it is time to find Janus (if he'd found a copy of You Only Live Twice, Bond may have found this lair sooner).

* Inside the lair, Bond learns that Alec is doing all of this in order to rob a bank. Boris unknowingly tests 007’s ability to count to three. Thankfully, Bond can count to three, so is able to escape to the satellite dish. Alec follows James outside, but falls from the dish - before the dish falls on him.

* The film ends with a totally plausible helicopter extraction and a field full of Marines.

Official SPECTRE etc Theory (OffSeT) #17: The reason everyone has so many unread emails in their inbox is because we decided to do away with full-screen, buzzing notifications.

And of course, keep checking back for a link to our petition to have Sam Smith write & record a song called “That’s My Lunch”!

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