This week on Field Notes, we enter the land of: Ultra-Processed Food.

According to certain very serious doctors on the internet, UPFs are now:

Cool.

Not dramatic at all.

So naturally, I’ve decided to test whether cutting them out for a week will:

• Improve my migraines
• Reduce my exhaustion
• Fix my yo-yo weight history
• Or simply make me feral and resentful

Because unfortunately… most of the things listed as “ultra-processed” are the things I actually eat.

• What actually counts as Ultra-Processed Food (and how inconsistent the definitions are)
• The claim that UPFs are worse than tobacco
• The inflammation / microbiome argument
• The counter-argument from registered dietitians
• Whether the research is observational or causal
• Food anxiety vs legitimate health concern
• My chaotic personal diet
• Growing up on enforced raw spinach
• Cheese-based GCSE breakdowns
• Yo-yo weight cycles and hyper-palatable food
• Ozempic changing the household food dynamic
• Whether non-UPF eating is realistic with children
• Why I eat like a 19-year-old boy with a student loan
• And whether “whole foods” are actually practical in real life

My current diet includes:

• Fistfuls of turkey
• Salt & vinegar crisps
• Tuna pasta
• Mushroom coffee
• Minimal fruit
• Suspiciously little fibre

Meanwhile the internet is telling me my gut lining is dissolving and my liver is weeping.

So this week I attempt to go:

👉 UPF-Free (or as close as I can manage)

And we’ll see whether:

• My energy changes
• My migraines shift
• My mood improves
• Or whether I simply miss crisps

• Are we pathologising modern food?
• Is this another wellness panic?
• Or is the hyper-palatable environment genuinely wrecking us?
• Can a busy parent realistically cook everything from scratch?
• And why does cutting processed food feel so emotionally loaded?

This week’s dilemma:

“I’ve narrowed it down to three husband contenders. How do I choose?”

Featuring:

• The Strong Stomach Theory™
• The Chap Olympiad
• Escape room testing
• Vomit resilience
• And a brief detour into secret families

You’re welcome.

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👉 Atomic Habits by James Clear

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Share this episode with someone who:

• Owns at least three types of oat milk
• Is suspicious of emulsifiers
• Or eats crisps in the car and calls it “lunch”

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This week’s Field Report is the follow-up on vagus nerve regulation, still-face parenting, and trying to soothe our fried nervous systems.

I tested the homework:

Ice water dunk.

Breath work.

Humming (unfortunately, in public).

• Vagus nerve stimulation device - https://shorturl.at/Q0YQQ
• Breath work app - https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/breathwrk-breathing-exercises/id1481804500
• Gospel Sunday Service Choir track - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qre8LJVd3o (wait for SIA to come out and sing with them, it gets me every time. Also look up 'sunday service choir' on youtube or spotify and enjoy the full album. I love 'rain' and 'father stretch' the most.

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New episodes every Monday (deep dive) and Friday (Field Report).

• Full head ice dunk attempts (and whether they calm you down or just make you feel mildly feral)
• Why breath work felt surprisingly effective
• The school gate humming incident
• The still-face experiment and why scrolling in front of your kids hits differently
• Why regulation starts in the body, not the brain
• Whether overthinking (and over-ChatGPT-ing) makes stress worse
• The new vagus nerve stimulation device you can clip to your ear
• The gospel choir soundtrack that fuelled my public “moment”
• Why humans used to regulate naturally (and now need calendar reminders to breathe)

Public humming.

Misread eye contact.

A minor wellbeing check from one of the two hot dads.

We move.

Regulation is physical.

You cannot reason your way out of stress when your heart is racing.

Long exhales > spiralling thoughts.

Unclench your jaw > rewrite your narrative.

Body first. Brain second.

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Vagus Nerve Tips, Stress & Still Face Parenting

This week I force you to join in with whatever the mad reels tell us to do - so concentrate.

My algorithm is obsessed with vagus nerve regulation: calm your nervous system, soothe your vagal tone, stop being on edge, stop snapping, stop doom-scrolling and just… relax.

So naturally, I decided to look into it.

In this episode I unpack why modern life feels so dysregulating, why scrolling feels calming but actually isn’t, and whether humming, cold water, jaw unclenching and breathing like an ancient human might help — or whether we’ve officially lost the plot.

You may need to unclench your teeth while listening.

• Why “just calm down” doesn’t work

• The Still Face experiment — and why blank-facing kids backfires

• What the vagus nerve actually does (without wellness nonsense)

• Why your body has to feel safe before your brain can think

• The most common vagus nerve tips from Instagram

• Which ones felt useful, which felt weird, and which I’ll actually keep

Including:

• Humming & singing

• Breathing out longer than in

• Jaw and tongue relaxation

• Cold water on the face

• Slow movement instead of checking out

No ice baths. No candles. No pretending we live in a monastery.

Probably not.

Humans have always regulated themselves through:

• movement

• rhythm

• cold exposure

• shared calm

We just used to do it naturally — now we have to remember.

I’ll report back on whether any of this helped in real life, or whether it joined the long list of things that sounded promising and didn’t survive a weekday.

If you want help actually applying this stuff (without becoming insufferable):

👉 https://rosehoneymorgan.substack.com/subscribe

This month’s book:

Atomic Habits – James Clear

You’ll get:

• Weekly breakdowns you can actually use

• Private podcast episodes

• Cheat sheets & summaries

• Anti-brain-rot knowledge topics

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• @rosehoneymorgan

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And come back Friday for the field report.

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