⚠️ SENSITIVE TOPIC WARNING: This episode discusses eating disorders (Anorexia/Bulimia), self-harm, and addiction.

"To the world, I looked disciplined. But inside, I was starving. Not just for food, but for control."

In this incredibly vulnerable episode of

FORLOVENESS

, Taylor pulls back the curtain on her years-long battle with eating disorders. She reveals the shocking truth that her starvation wasn't about weight—it was a desperate attempt to create safety in a chaotic world of

abandonment

and instability.

Ryan and Taylor discuss the dark reality of inpatient treatment, the "high" of purging, and why medical intervention often fails without spiritual transformation. This conversation exposes the eating disorder for what it really is:

a spiritual stronghold of control.

We also provide practical advice for parents and friends: What

NOT

to say to someone struggling (and why "You look healthy" is a trigger), and how to bring Jesus into the recovery process.

💔 If you are fighting a silent battle with food, body image, or control—this episode proves you are not alone, and freedom is possible.

✝️ Key Takeaways:

•

The "Father Wound":

How abandonment fuels the need for control.

•

The Addiction:

Why an eating disorder acts like a drug (The "High").

•

Religion vs. Relationship:

The danger of going to church without knowing God.

•

Practical Advice:

What NOT to say to someone with an eating disorder.

•

Finding Safety:

Transitioning from "fixing it yourself" to finding safety in God.

🕊️ Scriptures Referenced:

Psalm 34:18 • 2 Corinthians 12:9 • Galatians 5:1

HELPLINE RESOURCE:

If you or anyone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out to the National Eating Disorders Association helpline at 1-800-931-2237.

Connect with FORLOVENESS:

Follow on X: @forloveness

Is God truly silent in your darkest hours? 🙏

Join Taylor and Ryan on FORLOVENESS as they tackle the raw, often unspoken pain of feeling betrayed by God. In this powerful episode, Ryan shares his deeply personal journey after a devastating brain injury that erased his career, family, and identity a decade ago. From the agonizing question, "God, why would you let this happen?" to the slow, sometimes angry, path back to faith, this conversation dives deep into despair, frustration, and ultimately, profound discovery.

What you'll uncover in this episode:

• The Unvarnished Truth: Hear Ryan's candid account of his brain injury, the immediate and long-term struggles with pain, speech, memory, and profound anger at God.
• Betrayal & Breakdown: Explore the emotional fallout when life collapses and God feels distant, including the heartbreaking decision to leave his family for their protection.
• The "Splinter" Analogy: A powerful new perspective on why God allows suffering, likening it to a father removing a painful splinter for a child's greater good. Discover how these hardships are not punishments but necessities for healing and spiritual growth.
• From Anger to Acceptance: Witness the transformation of Ryan's relationship with God, moving from resentment and questioning to deeper trust and understanding.
• Finding Joy in Commands: How biblical wisdom (Psalm 119:143, Psalm 34:18, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Isaiah 55:8-9, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4) offers solace and guidance through immense suffering.
• The "Rumble Strip" Revelation: A compelling metaphor for God's subtle and not-so-subtle interventions to steer us away from disaster.
• Guilt, Shame, and Redemption: The ongoing work of overcoming past regrets and fostering renewed relationships, guided by faith.

This episode is for anyone who has felt abandoned, angry, or lost when facing life's insurmountable challenges. It's a testament to the idea that even when God seems silent, He is working, refining, and guiding us towards a future and a hope far greater than we can imagine.

Don't miss this raw, honest, and ultimately hopeful discussion. Subscribe to FORLOVENESS now and join the conversation about faith, suffering, and the unwavering plan of a good, good Father.

#FORLOVENESS #FaithJourney #BrainInjury #SpiritualStruggles #GodsPlan #SufferingAndFaith #ChristianPodcast #Healing #FindingHope #SpotifyPodcast #Inspiration #PersonalTestimony #OvercomingAdversity #TrustInGod #DivinePurpose #MentalHealthAndFaith #PodcastRecommendation

FORLOVENESS Ep 8: When God Turns Your Pain into Purpose (The Divine Redirection of Betrayal)

Is the deepest betrayal you've ever felt actually a divine trapdoor leading to your greatest purpose?

We all carry the scars of being let down, hurt, or completely abandoned. When life shatters your trust, the world feels chaotic and meaningless. But what if God takes those shattered pieces—the worst acts of betrayal—and uses them to re-engineer your entire life for an incredible, God-ordained story?

In this powerful episode, Taylor and Ryan get deeply vulnerable, connecting Taylor's own journey of assault and betrayal with timeless biblical narratives to reveal a profound truth: Your suffering is never wasted, it is being transformed into your authority.

What You'll Uncover in This Episode:

• The Shocking Power of Survival: Discover why God's presence is proven not by comfort in the moment, but by your survival—and how He always lifts you out of the pit.
• The Spiritual Weapon of Forgiveness: Learn why forgiveness isn't passive or weak—it's a potent, active spiritual weapon used to disarm the enemy's intent and bring about world-changing good, just like Joseph in Genesis.
• The Journey from "Why Me?" to "Use Me": Hear honest, raw accounts of letting go of control, surrendering the need for revenge, and allowing the unchangeable, faithful God to lead when the future is completely unclear.
• Betrayal as a Redirection: Why your pain is a re-engineering process, not a final destination, and how that very wound becomes the platform for your most powerful testimony.

Don't let your betrayal be an ending—listen now and discover how God is using it to write your greatest chapter.

Featured Stories: Taylor's assault and healing, the betrayal of Joseph, the power of the Roman Centurion's faith.

Hosts: Taylor and Ryan
Genre: Christian, Faith & Spirituality, Relationship
Listen. Love. Forgive.

You’ve cried the words: “God, why did You let this happen to me?”In this raw and redemptive episode of FORLOVENESS, Ryan and Taylor share the unfiltered truth about pain, trauma, and divine purpose.From sexual assault and betrayal to brain injury, mental illness, and loss, their stories reveal how God uses suffering not to destroy you — but to prepare you.📖 Through the stories of Joseph, Moses, the Prodigal Son, Paul, and Jesus Himself, this episode exposes what really happens when everything falls apart — and how faith rebuilds what the enemy tried to break.💔 If you’ve ever felt abandoned by God — this episode is for you.✝️ Key Takeaways:• Why God allows suffering — and how to see His hand in it• How trauma becomes your testimony• What it means to forgive God (for your own peace)• Turning despair into divine purpose• The spiritual truth about healing, identity, and grace🕊️ Scriptures referenced:Genesis 50:20 • Luke 15:22–24 • Exodus 3:1–2 • 2 Corinthians 12:8–9 • John 11:35–46 • Romans 5:8 • Isaiah 55:8–9❤️‍🔥 If this message hits your heart, share it.Someone you know is silently asking the same question: “Why did God let this happen?”#Faith #Forgiveness #ChristianPodcast #Testimony #GodsPlan #Healing #OvercomingTrauma #JesusSaves #Forloveness🔗 Connect with FORLOVENESS:Follow on X: @forloveness

ForLoveness: Episode 6:

Does Forgiveness include THIS??? The Message Challenging Christianity TodayWarning: This episode discusses a very sensitive topic, and we recommend not listening with children.

The following Scripture is one to remember as you listen to this episode:

Matthew 10: 34-39

******************************************

Don’t imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword. Your enemies will be right in your own household!’ ‘I have come to set a man against his father,a daughter against her mother,and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. “If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.

******************************************

Matthew 11:15

He who has ears to hear, let him hear

Welcome back to ForLoveness. Today, we confront the challenging truth that forces us to put everything we've learned about forgiveness to the test. We delve into the issue of sexual abuse of children, exploring it not simply as a human tragedy, but as a profound act of spiritual warfare.

This abuse is described as the enemy's trinity of evil—a calculated masterpiece designed to accomplish Satan's entire mission in a single, soul-shattering blow: to steal innocence, kill the spirit, and destroy the family. The primary weapon used to achieve all three is fear.

In this difficult conversation, we cover:

• The Spiritual Necessity of Forgiveness: We reflect on foundational lessons: that forgiveness is not about feelings or the offender's worthiness, but a spiritual necessity rooted in the works of Christ. We examine why the cross of Jesus Christ must be powerful enough for this specific evil, or "our entire faith is a sentimental lie".
• The Struggle for Parents: We address the overwhelming rage felt by protectors and parents who feel they have failed. We discuss the dangers of taking vengeance into one's own hands, noting that this "murderous rage" allows the enemy to make the parent the "second victim," putting the entire family in chains and direct disobedience to God. God is asking you to trust Him with your fury because "vengeance is mine. I will repay" (Romans 12).
• Hope for the Survivor: The host speaks as a survivor, sharing that forgiveness is not a betrayal, but an act that brings peace. We emphasize that neither the survivor, their parents, nor their counselor can fix this—only God can.
• Forgiveness as Spiritual Warfare: Discover how releasing bitterness and anger to God becomes the single greatest weapon we have against the enemy. By choosing to forgive, we demolish the enemy's grip and prevent ourselves from giving him ammunition and power.
• Truth for the Offender: We speak directly to abusers, reminding them they are not masterminds but captives and slaves to Satan. Hope and cleansing are only available at the foot of the cross, which demands confession, accepting full earthly consequences, and submitting to a lifetime of transparent accountability.
• God's Boundless Grace: We question if God's grace still goes deeper than this evil. Drawing on Romans 5:20, we confirm that "where sin increased, grace abounded all the more".

Remember: Our own forgiveness depends on forgiving others. If you cannot forgive even this, your salvation is in question. Tune in as we navigate this profound spiritual battle.

The conversation continues next episode as we ask, Where were you during all of this?.

does forgiveness include this

challenging Christianity today

hard truths about forgiveness

Hardest forgiveness truth

controversial topics in Christianity

ForLoveness | Episode 5: God's Justice is a Promise, Not a Threat Hosts: Taylor and Ryan

Welcome back to ForLoveness! After building our foundation over the past four episodes—covering why we must forgive, how to set boundaries, releasing guilt, and the infinite price paid for our pardon—we now address the "single biggest obstacle to forgiveness": Justice.

What happens when the person who hurt you shows no remorse and seems to "get away with it"?.

The Burden of the Gavel

The desire for vengeance is acknowledged as a "righteous fire," a "feature of being made in the image of a just god". However, if we are not careful, that fire will consume us. Hosts Taylor and Ryan discuss how we instinctively want to assume the role of "judge, jury, executioner," replaying offenses and dwelling on how to enact vengeance. This obsession leads only to a burdensome life of bitterness, resentment, and anger.

The Command to Trust God's Vengeance

The core of this lesson is understanding who holds the gavel. Until you are absolutely certain that judgment is coming, you will never be free from the burden of trying to bring it yourself.

• In one of the most powerful and direct statements in scripture, God speaks through the Apostle Paul in Romans chapter 12: "Vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the Lord".
• This is a command, not a suggestion. God is the only one qualified for the job and will not trust justice in our hands.
• God's vengeance is permanent and far worse than anything we could ever dream of executing. We are called to replace our fear that they will "get away with it" with a deep trust in God’s promise to repay.

Justice and Mercy at the Cross

The hosts remind listeners that we are no better than the worst of sinners; we too have lied, been selfish, and wounded others. The only difference between us and the person who wronged us is grace.

The terrifying holy wrath of God against sin was poured out at the cross, where the gavel of justice fell on Jesus in our place. This makes God both just and the justifier (Romans 3:26), upholding the law while simultaneously pardoning the lawbreaker.

Final Reflection:

If you are living in a vengeful state, you are working for the enemy. You are free from this burden because God will deal with those who have wronged you with perfect, terrifying justice unless they, like you, run to the cross and plead for the same mercy you received.

A Critical Warning:

The hosts issue a specific warning that the next episode will be very heavy and is not suitable for children. Listeners who struggle with this concept of justice may need to revisit this episode after listening to the next one.

Keywords:

• God's Justice
• Vengeance is Mine
• Romans 12
• Christian Forgiveness
• Anger and Bitterness
• Relinquishing Vengeance
• The Gavel
• Merciful God
• Trusting God
• Spiritual Freedom
• Self-Condemnation
• Cross and Justice

ForLoveness | Episode 4: The Cost of Grace That Wasn't Earned

Hosts: Taylor and Ryan

Welcome back to ForLoveness! Having discussed forgiving others (Episode 1), setting boundaries (Episode 2), and forgiving ourselves (Episode 3), Taylor and Ryan now dive into the foundation of it all: the infinite cost required for our total forgiveness.

This episode details the massive price God paid for a gift we did not earn. We explore why grace, though free to us, was not cheap.

Key Topics and Insights:

• Grace and the Gift of Salvation: We examine Ephesians 2:8-9, noting that salvation is a gift of God received through faith, and not from ourselves. We reflect on Romans 5:8, where God demonstrated His love by having Christ die for us while we were still sinners.
• The Old Covenant (The Mirror): The hosts use the powerful analogy of the mirror to explain the Law given through Moses. The Law was a perfect standard (holy and righteous), but it revealed our dirt and imperfections—it showed us the problem (sin) but could not wash it away. Romans 3:20 confirms that no human being will be justified by works of the Law.
• The New Covenant (The Payment): The hosts discuss how God planned a new covenant hundreds of years before Christ, promising to write His law on our hearts and to forgive our iniquity and remember our sin no more (Jeremiah 31).
• The Ultimate Cost: Jesus was the price. The new covenant required a permanent sacrifice for an infinite debt. The "signature on that contract" was the blood of God's own Son. The penalty for breaking the contract (death) was paid by Christ Himself.
• The Three Payouts of the Cross: The blood of Jesus secured three eternal blessings:

A Critical Reflection:

The grace we received was free, but it was purchased at the ultimate price. To treat it as anything less is to completely misunderstand the gospel. We must reflect on this immense cost, especially when we are tempted to hold onto bitterness or anger against others. Christ died for us; He only asks that we "let it go and let Him handle it".

Keywords:

• Cost of Grace
• New Covenant
• Christian Forgiveness
• Salvation
• Holy Spirit
• Ephesians 2:8-9
• Romans 5:8
• Infinite Debt
• Biblical Law
• Guilt and Shame
• Direct Access to God
• Christ's Sacrifice
• Eternal Redemption

Teaser for Next Time:

Join us next week on ForLoveness as we prepare for the difficult discussions ahead by exploring The Justice of a Merciful God.

ForLoveness | Episode 3:Struggling with Guilt? Find Your Freedom in Christ's Forgiveness

Hosts: Taylor and Ryan

Welcome back to ForLoveness! In this highly anticipated episode, which the hosts note is where the entire series originated, Taylor and Ryan explore the deepest spiritual burden carried by believers: guilt and shame. We confront the challenging truth that forgiving ourselves is not merely a self-help concept, but a profound spiritual necessity rooted in the works of Christ.

Key Topics and Insights:

• The Challenge of Self-Love: We break down the meaning of the second greatest commandment, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-39), examining how loving ourselves requires addressing the guilt and shame that make us feel undeserving of love.
• Guilt is a Spiritual Struggle: Hosts share how holding onto guilt was an internal struggle that prevented spiritual growth and closeness to God. The heavy burden of shame is identified as a spiritual affliction, not just a personal one.
• The Unforgiving Self: Continuing the theme from Episode 1, we discuss how holding onto personal guilt and shame demonstrates that we have not fully understood or accepted God's complete forgiveness in our hearts. The refusal to forgive yourself unfortunately leads back to the question of true salvation.
• Siding with the Accuser: We use a powerful legal analogy: continuing to live in a prison of guilt for a debt that the Judge (God) has already paid in full is equivalent to rejecting the "not guilty verdict". The danger lies in agreeing with the whispers and accusations of Satan, the prosecutor (Revelation 12:10). Agreeing with his charges grants his accusations power.
• Refusing Freedom is Unbelief: We warn that when you refuse the freedom of the verdict, you remain in the accuser's grip. You are defeated not by your sin, but by your unbelief in the gospel’s solution for that sin. To live in self-condemnation is to call the truth of Romans 8:1 ("no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus") a lie.

The Biblical Solution:

The solution is not to try harder, but to appeal to the Higher Court: God is greater than your heart (1 John 3:19-20).

• Honoring the Sacrifice: Living in freedom is about honoring the sacrifice of Christ by accepting the freedom He died to give you.
• The Witness of the Samaritan Woman (John 4): We explore the story where Jesus first revealed himself as the Messiah. This woman, who was ridiculed and isolated due to her fractured life and guilt, found healing and a new identity (transformed from an outcast to a witness) simply by being fully known and accepted by Christ.
• Closing the Door to Satan: Just as unforgiveness towards others gives Satan a "foothold" (Ephesians 4:26-27; 2 Corinthians 2:11), the rejection of God's forgiveness towards yourself creates a stronghold of shame and despair. We must make a conscious choice to stand on the truth: "It is finished".

Keywords:

• Forgiving Yourself
• Christian Guilt
• Shame and Despair
• Christian Condemnation
• Romans 8:1
• Samaritan Woman
• John 4
• Satan the Accuser
• Unbelief in the Gospel
• Spiritual Struggle
• Unforgiven Heart
• God is greater than your heart
• Biblical freedom
• New identity in Christ
• 
  

Next Time on ForLoveness:

Join us as we explore The Cost of Grace that Wasn't Earned and discuss how the New Covenant provided the perfect payment for all of our debt through Christ.