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After a recent social media AMA, we noticed a ton of you wanted us to tackle dating - red flags, green flags, how to choose a great partner. Rebecca and I have been avoiding this topic since we both married young and have limited adult dating experience, but we DO have evidence-based research to share. We're addressing why we need to stop telling singles "God is just teaching you patience" (it's a numbers game!), the "Burn the Haystack Method" for online dating, why some might need to relocate for better options, and the hard truths about red flags versus settling. Fair warning: we're going to make some people uncomfortable, but if you want research-backed advice over platitudes, this episode's for you.

TO SUPPORT US:

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

THINGS MENTIONED

• Dr Jennie Young & The Burned Haystack Method
• Our podcast on why Evangelical Women aren't marrying evangelical men
• Join my Substack to keep up with us while the blog is on hiatus for June and July

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

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“Soul ties” refers to the belief that when you have sex with someone, you are now joined in the spiritual realm, and that “tie” impedes your ability to ever experience freedom if you marry someone else. Often people claim you have to go through a specific prayer to break the tie, or an exorcism. But is this idea biblical? And does it help or hurt? Today Joanna Sawatsky shares our results of believing in soul ties, and we discuss different ways to talk about heartache and trauma.

PRODUCT HIGHLIGHT:

• Our puberty course The Whole Story
• Join my Substack!

TO SUPPORT US:

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

THINGS MENTIONED

• Our book She Deserves Better
• My series on Soul Ties
• John Eldredge’s Podcast series on Soul Ties
• Lisa Bevere Reel with misinformation
• The domestic violence website with steps from breaking trauma bonds

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

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Let's take a close look at the book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley! Bethany Jantzi and Ngina Otiende join me to look at some of the things that we find problematic about the book--and explain why evangelicalism needs better resources!

RESOURCES:

Get our one-sheet download on His Needs, Her Needs

TO SUPPORT US:

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS

• Find Ngina Otiende on Facebook, Instagram, and at her website Intentional Today
• Find Bethany Jantzi on Instagram and at her website Free from Control
• Check out our newest book The Marriage You Want, with stats about what really builds intimacy
• Download our rubric on how His Needs, Her Needs (and other books!) scored on sex

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

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What happens when church doesn’t seem safe? Or when, in retrospect, you realize it wasn’t, even if you threw yourself into it at the time? Today Dr. Andrew Bauman joins us to talk about his new book Safe Church, and then Rebecca and Sheila read reader’s stories about how the church stole their sex lives—and what we can do about it.

TO SUPPORT US:

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS

• Andrew Bauman’s book Safe Church
• Andrew Bauman on Facebook
• Andrew’s guest post on Safe Church
• Courses:
  • Our Puberty Course (The Whole Story)
  • Our Orgasm Course
  • Our Libido Course
• My blog series on sexual recovery
• Our book The Great Sex Rescue
• Our book She Deserves Better
• Our Good Girl’s/Good Guy’s Guides to Great Sex (great for engaged couples)

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us a text

It's time to walk through some super interesting studies that have recently been published--and see what they say about the intersection of infidelity and beliefs in male hierarchy. Keith joins Sheila to react to the studies!

OUR SPONSOR:

Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face. The church needs to get away from harmful tropes, and call us towards true community based on vulnerability and safety. Aimee Byrd points the way!

TO SUPPORT US:

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED:

• The Marriage You Want
• Study on how affairs aren't linked to sex frequency, and the post about it
• Study on how sexism affects infidelity
• Power to Flirt Study
• Differences in Solitary vs. Dyadic Sexual Desire study
• Study on Heroism by Gender
• The IFS World Map 2019 (abuse stats are on pp. 35&36)
• John Piper on how complementarianism protects women, and Rachel Held Evans' response

OTHER RESEARCH DEEP DIVE PODCASTS:

• Pink and Blue Brains? What the research says about gender and brain differences
• Why Sex Is Like Chef Boyardee
• New Research on Obligation Sex
• New Research

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us a text

It's an Ask Me Anything episode! Keith and I open talking about the viral video where a woman claims that she felt called by God to iron her husband's clothes before he left for the weekend to be with his mistress. And then Rebecca and I answer your questions about drawing boundaries, dating, protecting kids from abuse in church, and more!

OUR SPONSOR:

Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face. The church needs to get away from harmful tropes, and call us towards true community based on vulnerability and safety. Aimee Byrd points the way!

TO SUPPORT US:

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED:

• Our book She Deserves Better
• Our new book The Marriage You Want
• Last week's podcast on rumination and our one-sheet download for The Love Dare

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us a text

The Love Dare, based on the movie Fireproof, has been a huge best-selling marriage book for two decades. But does it actually contain good advice? Today on episode 280 of the Bare Marriage podcast, we show how The Love Dare simply regurgitates all the typical harmful evangelical marriage advice, telling women to make themselves smaller; never bring up issues; paper over problems; and, of course, never divorce, even if you’re being abused.

OUR SPONSOR:

Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face. The church needs to get away from harmful tropes, and call us towards true community based on vulnerability and safety. Aimee Byrd points the way!

TO SUPPORT US:

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED:

• Our Harmful Materials stickers to put on your problematic books
• All of our one sheets:
• Our new book The Marriage You Want
• Join Sheila on her social media channels: Instagram, YouTube, Threads, Facebook
• Our podcast on forgiveness after trauma

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us a text

What if vulnerability and authenticity are vital for true community? And what if we can never truly know God, and each other, until we know ourselves? It's episode 279 of the Bare Marriage podcast, featuring Aimee Byrd talking about her new book!

• Aimee Byrd's Book Saving Face
• Aimee Byrd's Substack

TO SUPPORT US:

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS TO THINGS MENTIONED:

• Our new book The Marriage You Want

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.