What if the questions that keep looping in your mind, the ones you’re too ashamed or exhausted to voice, aren’t just valid, but shared by thousands of others going through betrayal?

In this second part of our Q&A series (Listen to episode 146 for the first part), I answer the raw, unfiltered questions that most people keep buried:

• Why do I feel ashamed in public, even though I did nothing wrong?
• Why does forgiveness feel like betrayal?
• How do I stay emotionally present for my children when I’m falling apart?
• Is it normal to feel like I’m becoming someone I don’t even like?
• Why do I keep replaying arguments in my head?
• How do I let go of the life I thought I’d have?

Whether you’re early in your healing or quietly carrying it years later, this episode offers grounded insight and compassionate reminders:

You’re not broken.

You’re not alone.

And you don’t have to heal perfectly to heal powerfully.

Key Takeaways:

• Shame after betrayal often lands on the wrong person … you.

  Social spaces can feel like minefields, but you are allowed to take up space, even in your pain.

• Forgiveness is not about erasing your experience.

  It’s not a betrayal of self; it’s a release of emotional tension, done on your timeline.

• Your children don’t need perfection; they need presence.

  Emotional honesty and repair do more than false composure ever could.

• You’re not becoming a worse version of yourself.

  You’re adapting. And healing means reconnecting with the person you’re becoming, not rushing to return to who you were.

• Unspoken arguments linger for a reason.

  The unsaid words still matter, even if you only say them to yourself.

• Letting go of the old life is not failure.

  It’s a sacred grief, and a quiet invitation into something new.

What question have you been carrying silently through your healing journey?

Come share it (or just listen in) over in the Facebook group:

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

Triggers after betrayal can feel sudden, overwhelming, and impossible to control. But what if they’re not signs that you’re broken, but signals from your nervous system that you still need safety, care, and attention? In this episode, we break down what a trigger actually is (spoiler: it’s not drama), how it works, and why you don’t need to be trigger-free to be healing. Whether you're rebuilding with your partner or learning to trust yourself again, this episode offers compassion, clarity, and practical steps for staying grounded, even when your body’s screaming otherwise.

Key Points / Takeaways:

• A trigger isn’t weakness, it’s your body remembering pain and asking: “Are we safe yet?”
• The spiral happens not from the trigger itself, but from the story we tell ourselves after.
• You can feel a trigger without obeying the fear it brings.
• Triggers soften when you respond with awareness, not avoidance.
• Practical steps: Pause. Name it. Locate it in the body. Choose a response that honours you.
• Healing isn’t about eliminating every trigger, it’s about learning to meet them with gentleness and self-trust.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

When a woman cheats, the cultural narrative often skips over the man left behind. The one quietly carrying the weight. The one told to “move on,” “man up,” or “take it on the chin.”

This episode is for him.

If you’ve been betrayed by the woman you trusted, if you’re left wrestling with confusion, anger, self-doubt, or shame, this episode gives you language, perspective, and grounding.

Join me Luke Shillings, as together I'll guide you to learn:

• Why her betrayal says more about her pain than your worth.
• How to stop internalising someone else’s chaos as your reflection.
• The difference between being chosen… and being used.
• Why “being strong” isn’t the answer, and what real strength actually looks like.

Let this be the reminder:

You’re not weak for feeling.

You’re not broken for hurting.

And you’re not alone in this.

• Her affair is not evidence of your inadequacy; it’s a reflection of her disconnection.
• You are not the exception to her behaviour. You’re the next person exposed to it.
• If you weren’t chosen, it doesn’t mean you weren’t worthy; it means she wasn’t ready to face herself.
• Real healing centres your story, not just hers.
• Choosing to feel and process is not weakness; it’s maturity.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

When a man in a committed relationship starts giving you attention, it can feel like lightning in a bottle, powerful, validating, intoxicating. But what if that spark isn’t about love, but escape?

In this episode, Luke Shillings speaks directly to the women caught in the shadow of secrecy and fantasy bonds, and to the men who pursue them.

Is it real love, or emotional outsourcing? Together, we unpack the truth behind the pursuit, the pain of being the “exception,” and the cost of ignoring your gut. If you’ve ever found yourself waiting in the wings for someone who says they’ll choose you “someday,” this is your invitation to pause, reflect, and reclaim your worth.

• Being pursued isn't the same as being chosen, and being chosen isn’t the same as being claimed.
• You may be fulfilling a function, not being fully embraced for who you are.
• If he’s still lying to someone else, he’s not choosing you, he’s choosing to avoid himself.
• Emotional fantasy feels like love but often conceals indecision and avoidance.
• Intuition is not insecurity; it’s your inner truth trying to protect you.

Have you ever felt emotionally consumed by someone who wasn’t fully available? What was your breaking point, or are you still holding on to hope? Come share your story or reflections with us on Instagram @mylifecoachluke or join the conversation in the After the Affair Facebook community.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

You’ve rebuilt. Or maybe you’ve started again. On the surface, things seem okay, your partner’s doing the work, or your new relationship looks healthy. And yet… something still feels off. Not wrong exactly, just off.

In this episode, we explore that subtle unease that often lingers after betrayal, the one that can leave you second-guessing your instincts, your partner, and even yourself. You’ll learn why your body might be picking up on cues your brain hasn’t named yet, and how to tell the difference between fear-based reactions and genuine gut wisdom.

• Feeling “off” doesn’t always mean something’s wrong, but it always deserves your attention.
• After betrayal, it’s normal to feel unsettled even when things look fine on the surface.
• You don’t need proof to honour your discomfort. Your body is valid evidence.
• Questions like “Am I responding to now, or to the past?” can help you untangle intuition from trauma.
• Sensitivity isn’t a flaw. It’s an invitation to deepen your self-trust.

Have you ever felt something was off, even when everything looked okay? Tune in and learn how to explore that feeling without spiraling into fear. 🎧

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

When you’re in the thick of healing after betrayal, it’s not just the pain that drains you. it’s the unanswered questions that loop endlessly in your mind.

In this Q&A episode, I respond to four of the most emotionally exhausting questions I hear in my coaching work and online communities. These aren’t the questions people ask once, they’re the ones they ask over and over, quietly, in their own head.

We’re covering:

• How to rebuild trust when you don’t even trust yourself anymore
• What to do when your partner says they’ve changed but it doesn’t feel different
• Why you still feel stuck in pain even after intellectually “moving on”
• Whether you can ever stop fearing they’ll betray you again if you don’t have the whole truth

If you’ve been silently carrying these questions… this episode is for you.

• Self-trust isn’t about always being right, it’s about how you respond to being wrong.
• Real change isn’t in the words your partner says; it’s in the emotional safety you feel.
• Healing is not an intellectual achievement, it’s a felt experience.
• Needing every detail for closure might offer control, but it often delays peace.

What question has been looping in your mind during recovery? Send me a message or email and let me know. And if this episode resonated, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.

• Want deeper support in your recovery? Join the Chaos to Clarity group coaching program or reach out for 1:1 coaching - visit lifecoachluke.com for more information
• Email me the word “boundary144” to luke@lifecoachluke.com to receive my free Boundaries Blueprint.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

You’re texting first. Waiting for replies. Making excuses. Holding on, hoping they’ll come around. But deep down, something feels off. This isn’t just patience… it’s one-sided love.

In this episode, we unpack the emotional and psychological toll of loving someone who doesn’t meet you halfway. From fantasy bonds and false hope to reclaiming your power and choosing yourself again, this is your compassionate wake-up call, and your invitation to let go with grace.

• One-sided love often begins as hope… and ends in emotional burnout.
• Fantasy and denial aren’t love, they’re survival strategies.
• False hope disguises itself as devotion, but it drains your energy and delays your healing.
• Letting go doesn’t mean your love was wasted; it means it’s time to give that love somewhere it can grow.
• Inner stability comes when your peace no longer depends on someone else’s attention.

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a one-sided love story?

What helped you let go, or what’s holding you back? Come share your story with us on Instagram @mylifecoachluke or in the Facebook group.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

After betrayal, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck reacting, trying to manage your partner’s behaviour, walking on eggshells, or questioning your own emotional limits.

But here’s the truth:

You don’t need their permission to protect your peace.

In this episode, we unpack what real boundaries look like in the aftermath of infidelity, not as walls or punishments, but as powerful acts of self-respect. You’ll learn:

• Why boundaries aren’t about control, but clarity
• The difference between emotional avoidance and self-protection
• When to share a boundary out loud, and when to keep it for yourself
• How boundaries give you back your agency after betrayal

Whether you’re in the thick of rebuilding or figuring out what you want next, this episode is your reminder that your healing is not negotiable.

• Boundaries are not ultimatums; they’re commitments to yourself.
• You don’t have to share every boundary to honour it.
• Clear boundaries regulate your nervous system and help you respond, not react.
• Saying “no” to more pain is not cold. It’s a sign of healing.
• Your value isn’t proven through tolerance; it’s affirmed through self-respect.

If you’re ready to start setting boundaries but don’t know where to begin, I’ve created a free resource just for you.

It’s called the Boundaries Blueprint, and it includes 30+ examples of real-life boundaries tailored for the infidelity recovery journey, plus guidance to help you craft your own.

👉 Email luke@lifecoachluke.com with the word boundary144 and I’ll send it straight to your inbox.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity