What if the questions that keep looping in your mind, the ones you’re too ashamed or exhausted to voice, aren’t just valid, but shared by thousands of others going through betrayal?

In this second part of our Q&A series (Listen to episode 146 for the first part), I answer the raw, unfiltered questions that most people keep buried:

• Why do I feel ashamed in public, even though I did nothing wrong?
• Why does forgiveness feel like betrayal?
• How do I stay emotionally present for my children when I’m falling apart?
• Is it normal to feel like I’m becoming someone I don’t even like?
• Why do I keep replaying arguments in my head?
• How do I let go of the life I thought I’d have?

Whether you’re early in your healing or quietly carrying it years later, this episode offers grounded insight and compassionate reminders:

You’re not broken.

You’re not alone.

And you don’t have to heal perfectly to heal powerfully.

Key Takeaways:

• Shame after betrayal often lands on the wrong person … you.

  Social spaces can feel like minefields, but you are allowed to take up space, even in your pain.

• Forgiveness is not about erasing your experience.

  It’s not a betrayal of self; it’s a release of emotional tension, done on your timeline.

• Your children don’t need perfection; they need presence.

  Emotional honesty and repair do more than false composure ever could.

• You’re not becoming a worse version of yourself.

  You’re adapting. And healing means reconnecting with the person you’re becoming, not rushing to return to who you were.

• Unspoken arguments linger for a reason.

  The unsaid words still matter, even if you only say them to yourself.

• Letting go of the old life is not failure.

  It’s a sacred grief, and a quiet invitation into something new.

What question have you been carrying silently through your healing journey?

Come share it (or just listen in) over in the Facebook group:

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

Triggers after betrayal can feel sudden, overwhelming, and impossible to control. But what if they’re not signs that you’re broken, but signals from your nervous system that you still need safety, care, and attention? In this episode, we break down what a trigger actually is (spoiler: it’s not drama), how it works, and why you don’t need to be trigger-free to be healing. Whether you're rebuilding with your partner or learning to trust yourself again, this episode offers compassion, clarity, and practical steps for staying grounded, even when your body’s screaming otherwise.

Key Points / Takeaways:

• A trigger isn’t weakness, it’s your body remembering pain and asking: “Are we safe yet?”
• The spiral happens not from the trigger itself, but from the story we tell ourselves after.
• You can feel a trigger without obeying the fear it brings.
• Triggers soften when you respond with awareness, not avoidance.
• Practical steps: Pause. Name it. Locate it in the body. Choose a response that honours you.
• Healing isn’t about eliminating every trigger, it’s about learning to meet them with gentleness and self-trust.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

When a woman cheats, the cultural narrative often skips over the man left behind. The one quietly carrying the weight. The one told to “move on,” “man up,” or “take it on the chin.”

This episode is for him.

If you’ve been betrayed by the woman you trusted, if you’re left wrestling with confusion, anger, self-doubt, or shame, this episode gives you language, perspective, and grounding.

Join me Luke Shillings, as together I'll guide you to learn:

• Why her betrayal says more about her pain than your worth.
• How to stop internalising someone else’s chaos as your reflection.
• The difference between being chosen… and being used.
• Why “being strong” isn’t the answer, and what real strength actually looks like.

Let this be the reminder:

You’re not weak for feeling.

You’re not broken for hurting.

And you’re not alone in this.

• Her affair is not evidence of your inadequacy; it’s a reflection of her disconnection.
• You are not the exception to her behaviour. You’re the next person exposed to it.
• If you weren’t chosen, it doesn’t mean you weren’t worthy; it means she wasn’t ready to face herself.
• Real healing centres your story, not just hers.
• Choosing to feel and process is not weakness; it’s maturity.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity