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Why Won't You Apologize?

Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts

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Why Won't You Apologize?

By: Harriet Lerner PhD PhD
Narrated by: Cassandra Campbell
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About this listen

 “If you want to know why Harriet Lerner is one of my great heroes, Why Won’t You Apologize? is the answer. This book is a game changer.” —Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Rising Strong

“Harriet Lerner is one hell of a wise woman. She draws you in with deft and engaging prose, and then changes your life with her rigorous intelligence and her deeply human advice. I promise that you will never see ‘the apology’ in quite the same way.” —Esther Perel, MA, LMFT author of Mating in Captivity

Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language—I’m sorry—and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.

Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies—and why some people won’t give them—for more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we’ve inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful “I’m sorry” and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury.

Why Won’t You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured party—the one who has been hurt by someone who won’t apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right. Conflict Resolution Marriage & Long-Term Partnerships Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Social Sciences Sociology Witty Science Communication
All stars
Most relevant
This book is so beautiful. It provides practical tips on how to apologise correctly and demonstrates the importance and complexities of an apology. It has helped me deal with my pridefulness and become a much more empathetic person, I now can easily take accountability for my actions, listen to the people I have hurt and apologise wholeheartedly so we can move to heal the relationship.
I've recommended this book to almost everyone as I believe even the best of us have issues with apologising at times. It is a necessary read and I wish I had stumbled on this book sooner.

Necessary.

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Dr. Lerner writes in an open accessible way. There is so much wisdom here I know this is a book I will revisit many times. This book has helped me take a more compassionate perspective toward an unapologetic relative. Thank you for this.

Life changing

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very insightful and practical. Particularily for anyone going through relationship challenges that need genuine healing.

excellent resource .

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My praise for this book comes without qualification, as it powerfully does exactly what it set out to do. The examples are impeccably chosen and guidance, as it should be from such a highly regarded professional, is non judgemental, inclusive and empowering. Enough disclosure to create a trust with the reader, but not so much as to privilege her voice over yours.
However, I would suggest engaging with it within a wider context than as a stand alone book. For example, Dr Lerner talks about shame, guilt and vulnerability, but if she unpacked those fully then she would not have been able to remain focused on apology. So reading/listening to this alongside the work of Brene Brown would help you expand your understanding. In a family context adding the work of someone like Alfie Kohn would add depth to that specific context.

Nuanced and insightful

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For anyone looking to understand apologies better and the subtle feelings and undercurrents that can lurk behind disagreements. The text was narrated well.

The only thing lacking for me is I wanted more! This felt like part one of a fantastic series.

A great primer

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