Why Won't You Apologize? cover art

Why Won't You Apologize?

Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts

 Preview
Try Standard free
Select 1 audiobook a month from our entire collection.
Listen to your selected audiobooks as long as you're a member.
Get unlimited access to bingeable podcasts.
Auto-renews at $8.99/mo after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

Why Won't You Apologize?

By: Harriet Lerner PhD
Narrated by: Cassandra Campbell
Try Standard free

Auto-renews at $8.99/mo after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

Buy Now for $15.33

Buy Now for $15.33

About this listen

 “If you want to know why Harriet Lerner is one of my great heroes, Why Won’t You Apologize? is the answer. This book is a game changer.” —Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Rising Strong

“Harriet Lerner is one hell of a wise woman. She draws you in with deft and engaging prose and then changes your life with her rigorous intelligence and her deeply human advice. I promise that you will never see ‘the apology’ in quite the same way.” —Esther Perel, MA, LMFT, author of Mating in Captivity

Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the power of a sincere apology—those two essential words, “I’m sorry”—and how apologizing can repair relationships, resolve conflict, and restore trust. In this insightful guide to emotional healing and relationship repair, Dr. Harriet Lerner offers a clear and compassionate perspective on why apologies are so difficult to give and why they matter so deeply.

Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies—and why some people refuse to apologize—for more than two decades. Through compelling stories and grounded psychological insight, she shows how meaningful apologies can rebuild trust, repair damaged relationships, and promote genuine healing. Readers learn how to craft a heartfelt “I’m sorry,” recognize ineffective or manipulative apologies, and avoid the kinds of apologies that deepen hurt instead of resolving it.

Why Won’t You Apologize? also addresses the needs of the injured party—the person hurt by someone who will not apologize, tell the truth, or show remorse. Lerner explores what drives both the chronic non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, and why the people who cause the greatest harm are often least able to take responsibility. She helps readers resist pressure to forgive too quickly and challenges the popular belief that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With trademark humor, warmth, and psychological wisdom, Lerner offers a practical and empowering guide to repairing relationships, setting healthy boundaries, and making things right. Conflict Resolution Marriage & Long-Term Partnerships Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Social Sciences Sociology Witty Science Communication
All stars
Most relevant
This book is so beautiful. It provides practical tips on how to apologise correctly and demonstrates the importance and complexities of an apology. It has helped me deal with my pridefulness and become a much more empathetic person, I now can easily take accountability for my actions, listen to the people I have hurt and apologise wholeheartedly so we can move to heal the relationship.
I've recommended this book to almost everyone as I believe even the best of us have issues with apologising at times. It is a necessary read and I wish I had stumbled on this book sooner.

Necessary.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Dr. Lerner writes in an open accessible way. There is so much wisdom here I know this is a book I will revisit many times. This book has helped me take a more compassionate perspective toward an unapologetic relative. Thank you for this.

Life changing

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
very insightful and practical. Particularily for anyone going through relationship challenges that need genuine healing.

excellent resource .

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
My praise for this book comes without qualification, as it powerfully does exactly what it set out to do. The examples are impeccably chosen and guidance, as it should be from such a highly regarded professional, is non judgemental, inclusive and empowering. Enough disclosure to create a trust with the reader, but not so much as to privilege her voice over yours.
However, I would suggest engaging with it within a wider context than as a stand alone book. For example, Dr Lerner talks about shame, guilt and vulnerability, but if she unpacked those fully then she would not have been able to remain focused on apology. So reading/listening to this alongside the work of Brene Brown would help you expand your understanding. In a family context adding the work of someone like Alfie Kohn would add depth to that specific context.

Nuanced and insightful

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
For anyone looking to understand apologies better and the subtle feelings and undercurrents that can lurk behind disagreements. The text was narrated well.

The only thing lacking for me is I wanted more! This felt like part one of a fantastic series.

A great primer

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
See more reviews
In the spirit of reconciliation, Audible acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.