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Publisher's Summary

This is a self-help book for people who don't usually buy self-help books. Instead of offering cognitive-behavioral techniques for dealing with anger, or affirming strategies to boost self-esteem, this self-help book adapts the basic methods of psychodynamic psychotherapy to a guided course in self-exploration, highlighting the universal role of defense mechanisms in warding off emotional pain. Even the best self-help books tend to stay on the surface. Why Do I Do That? instead probes deeply into the unconscious. With easy-to-understand explanations, the first part teaches you about the unconscious mind and the role of psychological defenses in excluding difficult feelings from awareness. Individual chapters in the longer middle section explore the primary defense mechanisms one by one, with exercises to help you identify your own defenses at work. The final part offers guidance for how to "disarm" your defenses and cope more effectively with the unconscious feelings behind them. Psychological defense mechanisms are an inevitable and necessary part of the human experience; but when they become too pervasive or deeply entrenched, they may damage our personal relationships, restrict or distort our emotional lives and prevent us from behaving in ways that promote lasting self-esteem. Why Do I Do That? promotes self-help for listeners who want to improve their relationships, manage their emotional lives more effectively and develop authentic self-esteem that will last. If you find that even the best self-help books lack depth and fail to instigate lasting change, this psychodynamic self-help book may be for you.

©2012 Joseph Burgo (P)2016 Joseph Burgo

What listeners say about Why Do I Do That?

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The best self help read for you or a loved one.

A must read in today's world. Hard hitting but extremely helpful, insights abound, finish it.

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 30-08-2016

Eye-opening information

I do not usually write reviews, but this book explores our defenses and why we do what we do and how it came to be. I was so excited when learning from this book; it could not wait to share the information with someone else.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone regardless of educational background or the understanding of psychology.
This is not you everyday self help book.
Eye-opening of myself, acquaintances, and those that I choose to surround me.

8 people found this helpful

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  • sharp7
  • 21-03-2017

Your mental habits matter

Great book that covers the mind games we use on ourselves and others to cope. However these habits can work against us and cause us to repeat the same maladaptive patterns over and over.

6 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 25-07-2020

Atheist author

I was loving this book until he said that people use, a a defense, the rational that "there's a reason something happened" and then says "when in truth there's no rhythm or reason to the Universe"! I don't see where he gets off starting something as truth when it's his "BELIEF". Will be warning people before recommending this book to anyone.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Consumer2007
  • 01-10-2018

So that’s why I do that!

Eye opening! For someone who’s never had formal psychotherapy, I found this book very informative and interesting. I’m definitely going to buy the hard copy for the exercises, review, and highlighting. Thanks, Mr. Burgo!

3 people found this helpful

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  • tracy ann
  • 10-12-2017

Very useful information

A lot of terrific information, some of which many people may already know, but none the less even those of us who "know" it still need to be reminded from time to time. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone looking for insight into their own behavior and also think that everyone (regardless of their interest in growing) should read it.

3 people found this helpful

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  • William R. Todd-Mancillas (Name includes hyphen and camptalized M)
  • 11-01-2019

Self-Defense Mechanisms: A Primer

Narration: A bit slow. Recommend increasing download to "1.25."

Content: Clear explanations of the different types of defense-mechanisms, their function and typology.


Note: Object Relations Theory clearly explained. Interesting that so simple a concept has so awkward a name. Must be why so many academics have difficult giving a clear, succinct explanation of Object Relations theory.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Stanley Jungleib
  • 04-07-2018

46 minutes in ... and stilll the The Intro

On and on about how to read and how to do an exercise. Jesus, gimme someething to stay awake for.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Jodi
  • 04-11-2016

I'm SO GLAD they finally did an audible for this!

Would you listen to Why Do I Do That? again? Why?

Yes, and you SHOULD! Its thick. There is a lot to learn; as well as, you will find that your own defense mechanism will be on high alert. The first time I read this book, my defenses were so high I couldn't even categorize my primary struggle (need/dependence, difficult emotions or self-esteem/shame). It's such a good book!

5 people found this helpful

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  • Shana B.
  • 03-05-2021

I learned more than I planned to

Of course, I expected to learn a lot about myself, but this book was beyond my expectations! Each section tied in well together. The author was clear that people are not black and white. So, we have to apply wisdom when apply these principles. The narrator did a good job as well.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Celt
  • 15-04-2020

Great book, really interesting & relatable!

Wish there was a recommended works! So I could continue with exploring my self. I mean mainly that I don't think all the questions he provides to ask yourself might not be enough.

1 person found this helpful

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  • o. Hodgkinson
  • 10-05-2017

Really open your mind to who you are

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Yes. If you want to understand how and why you react negatively to some situations it helps you understand your behaviour. Well written, not at all patronising, real life examples make it accessible and helpful.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

no. Although I wanted to you needed to take breaks and digest what you'd heard.

Any additional comments?

I listend to it twice, straightaway. Very interesting and helpful.

8 people found this helpful

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  • B
  • 05-02-2018

Absolutely gem!! So so much insight wow

This is one amazing book! I cannot believe how much I needed this right now in my life.
Incredible insight on why did I do and say and thought and behaved in the way I did. It is so clear like day light. Sometimes you say and do things or take things to heart and double hurt yourself but cannot understand how or why that did come about. This book will not only break it down to you but it will also tell you (clearly) why and help you progress and (bonus) tell you what it looks like when you have applied the principles in it. How amazing is that? Get this book, YOU deserve it!

5 people found this helpful

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  • Miss S Lopes
  • 07-11-2017

Incredibly relevant and informative

I found this audibiook to be so helpful and informative!! It really helped me gain a greater (and more compassionate) understanding of myself and others, and the way the fear driven ego tries to defend itself. I highly recommend this this book to anyone wanting more insight into the ways you are holding yourself back.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 30-10-2020

Highly recommend

As a psychotherapist I highly recommend this book. It really does highlight the powerful defences we all employ and how they affect and impact on our relationships both with ourselves and others. The book starts by helping us to identify what defences look like in our own behaviour and that of others. We then get interesting exercises to identify our own defences and then guidance in improving our relationships though this new understanding. I love how accessible, welcoming and gentle this book is and It really is a book that EVERYONE should read. I'll certainly be recommending to clients, as well as referring back to often for my own development.

1 person found this helpful

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  • deirdre OSullivan
  • 25-04-2017

excellent book! inspiring and comforting!

excellent book! inspiring and comforting... I want to read it again. thank you for writing x

5 people found this helpful

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  • bunny_girl
  • 21-02-2018

Insightful

I really enjoyed this audiobook. I’m a trainee psychotherapist and found it very insightful and more interesting than my dry course notes.
It’s also a brilliant self-help book and an easy listen.

2 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Karl Mitchell
  • 23-04-2021

Great Perspective

Easy to listen to. Great for getting a self help/ clients perspective on the topic. It personalised the mechanisms and made them relatable.

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  • Green
  • 30-12-2020

I bought the audible but I really need the BOOK

There are exercises and you need to be able to see at a glance which statements are in in which group so I really should have gone down the paper pages route here.. You're more susceptible to different defense mechanisms depending on which groups of statements you agree with the most. There are sentences in this book that really stopped me in my tracks and I had to press pause quickly and write down what I'd heard so I could mull it over. I'm not finished this audible yet and I've written so many notes, and my handwriting is terrible. I just sat back and listened to Joseph Burgo's other book about narcissists and I nodded along, it was perfect for an audible, but *this* is a work that you deserve to have in a hard copy. I can't wait for my book to arrive so I can go through it with a highlighter. I don't regret having the audible too though. It was worth doubling up on.

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  • Ida Fischer
  • 26-06-2020

Please Dr Burgo, watch the movie Avatar again!

It is an excellently written and very helpful book. Probably, I will listen this book a couple more times. The exercises are interesting and the feeling of emptiness after completing many of them is even more interesting to me. Thank you, Dr Burgo, for this book that I can only recommend to others to read/listen, but please, find a better example than Jake's story from Avatar or watch the movie again to get the story correctly... while I am working on my defense mechanisms to understand and overcome them...

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 19-11-2018

excellent book.

loved the exercises in it very easy to follow. highly recommend it. on second reading now

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