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  • On Our Best Behaviour

  • The Price Women Pay to Be Good
  • By: Elise Loehnen
  • Narrated by: Elise Loehnen
  • Length: 11 hrs and 54 mins
  • 4.8 out of 5 stars (13 ratings)

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On Our Best Behaviour

By: Elise Loehnen
Narrated by: Elise Loehnen
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Publisher's Summary

Why do women equate self-denial with being ‘good’?

We congratulate ourselves when we resist the donut in the office breakroom. We celebrate our restraint when we hold back from sending an email in anger. We put others’ needs ahead of our own and believe this makes us exemplary. Journalist and podcast host Elise Loehnen explains that these impulses – often lauded as distinctly feminine instincts – are actually ingrained in us by a culture that reaps the benefits, via an extraordinarily effective collection of social mores:

Lust. Gluttony. Greed. Sloth. Wrath. Envy. Pride.

These so-called ‘deadly sins’ have been used by the patriarchy to control women throughout our history. For instance, a fear of gluttony drives us to ignore our appetites and an aversion to greed prevents us from negotiating a better salary at work.

So, what would happen if we stopped trying to be ‘good’?

Provocative and bold, On Our Best Behaviour is a probing analysis of history and contemporary culture that explains how women have internalised the patriarchy, and how they unwittingly reinforce it. By sharing her own story and the spiritual wisdom of other traditions, Elise Loehnen shows how we can break free and discover a path toward a more balanced, fulfilled way to live.

©2023 Elise Loehnen (P)2023 Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

Critic Reviews

"In On Our Best Behavior — a raw cri de coeur, penetrating social analysis, and revealing personal reflection — Elise Loehnen deftly deconstructs one of the central ideological buttresses of patriarchal society: the shaming of women for having human desires, strengths, capacities and strivings of body, mind, and soul. Doing so, she provides a guide to liberation and a return to the authentic feminine self." (Gabor Maté MD, author of The Myth of Normal)

"A stunning, big and bold encyclopedia of how to live – the first post-pandemic book to take our latest measurements and provide something fresh to comfort, embolden, enlighten and enrich who we are today. Loehnen is never instructive but always right. The book never flags and each section has a takeaway for how to live wiser, and an anecdote to help you feel less alone. On Our Best Behavior is nothing short of a tangible necessity in our new intangible world." (Lisa Taddeo, author of Three Women)

"What if women finally found freedom – because we gave it to ourselves? In On Our Best Behavior, Elise Loehnen brilliantly reframes our toxic cultural programming and helps us to see that what we thought were our sins are actually our greatest virtues. This book is the gift we have all been waiting for." (Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone)

What listeners say about On Our Best Behaviour

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A must read for all women

So much insight for myself as a woman, my partner as a male & the way I’m raising our son. Will revisit many chapters.

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If you're a woman, you MUST listen to this!

Elise offers A-MAZ-ING insights and reminds us why we need Feminism now more than ever.

Her book has inspired me to learn more about the past struggles as women and so much about the ways our society is subconsciously geared towards men.

She also inspired me to own my dream and my truth.

if you are a woman, cisgender or not, YOU MUST LISTEN TO THIS BOOK!

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Extraordinary.

Having long admired Elise for her courageous eloquence I have been extremely excited about this book which completely fulfilled its profound promise as I was unable to put it down as it is an incredibly enriching ride through history, society & culture as well as religion and politics that I found deeply fascinating. Exhilarating.

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2 people found this helpful

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Elise so eloquently explains what most of us feel.

I’m a big fan of Eloise and was worried that the book wouldn’t live up to what I mad wit out to be in my head. I shouldn’t have worried, it’s everything I was expecting and more.

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Incredibly profound, moving, comforting

Elise’s words are like gospel. She holds you through the edges and places that are hard to go and look at and expands you to see the bigger picture and how everything is interconnected. Stunning. Thank you Elise ❤️

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We all need to read this!

This book is amazing. I’m still digesting and reflecting every wise sentence. There is some grief for the past and the years of sacrifice but also hope for the future…eating ice cream to celebrate. Thanks Elise!

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A must read

What an amazing book! I’ve just finished and want to start it again, so much love, insightful thought and awareness went into writing it.

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  • JD
  • 20-07-2023

Intuitive and Eloquent

The Human race needs to read this, original and intelligently written honest book. A thoroughly worthwhile read.

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