On Our Best Behaviour

From the host of Pulling The Thread

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On Our Best Behaviour

By: Elise Loehnen

Narrated by: Elise Loehnen

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$8.99/month after 3 months. Cancel anytime. Offer ends on 29 July 2026 at 11:59 AEST.

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Bloomsbury presents On Our Best Behaviour written and read by Elise Loehnen.

*THE INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER*
'A stunning, big and bold encyclopedia of how to live' LISA TADDEO
'Astute, radical and utterly compelling' KATHERINE MAY
'You will finish this book and immediately hand your copy over to your best friend' JENNIFER ANISTON
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Why do women equate self-denial with being ‘good’?

We congratulate ourselves when we resist the donut in the office breakroom. We celebrate our restraint when we hold back from sending an email in anger. We put others’ needs ahead of our own and believe this makes us exemplary. Journalist and podcast host Elise Loehnen explains that these impulses – often lauded as distinctly feminine instincts – are actually ingrained in us by a culture that reaps the benefits, via an extraordinarily effective collection of social mores:

Lust. Gluttony. Greed. Sloth. Wrath. Envy. Pride.

These so-called ‘deadly sins’ have been used by the patriarchy to control women throughout our history. For instance, a fear of gluttony drives us to ignore our appetites and an aversion to greed prevents us from negotiating a better salary at work.

So, what would happen if we stopped trying to be ‘good’?

Provocative and bold, On Our Best Behaviour is a probing analysis of history and contemporary culture that explains how women have internalised the patriarchy, and how they unwittingly reinforce it. By sharing her own story and the spiritual wisdom of other traditions, Elise Loehnen shows how we can break free and discover a path toward a more balanced, fulfilled way to live.
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'This is a really important book' CHELSEA HANDLER
'A guide to liberation and a return to the authentic feminine self' GABOR MATÉ
'Brilliantly reframes our toxic cultural programming' LORI GOTTLIEB©2023 Elise Loehnen (P)2023 Penguin Random House LLC

Elise LoehnenElise LoehnenBloomsbury Tonic

Anthropology

Gender Studies

Literary History & Criticism

Social Sciences

Women

Discrimination

Rage

Anthropology Gender Studies Literary History & Criticism Social Sciences Women Discrimination Rage

Critic Reviews

In On Our Best Behavior — a raw cri de coeur, penetrating social analysis, and revealing personal reflection — Elise Loehnen deftly deconstructs one of the central ideological buttresses of patriarchal society: the shaming of women for having human desires, strengths, capacities and strivings of body, mind, and soul. Doing so, she provides a guide to liberation and a return to the authentic feminine self. (Gabor Maté MD, author of THE MYTH OF NORMAL)

A stunning, big and bold encyclopedia of how to live – the first post-pandemic book to take our latest measurements and provide something fresh to comfort, embolden, enlighten and enrich who we are today. Loehnen is never instructive but always right. The book never flags and each section has a takeaway for how to live wiser, and an anecdote to help you feel less alone. On Our Best Behavior is nothing short of a tangible necessity in our new intangible world (Lisa Taddeo, author of THREE WOMEN)

With equal parts wit, wisdom, erudition, and warmth, author Elise Loehnen takes us on a guided journey through history, culture, and our own psychologies to not just investigate the limiting effects of Patriarchal thinking in women’s lives, but to free them. Pleasure, connection, trust, and joy - all these and more await the reader lucky enough to spend time in conversation with a truly remarkable mind. Half historical docent, half big sister with a hot cup of tea, read this author and change your life (Terrence Real, author of US)

What if women finally found freedom – because we gave it to ourselves? In On Our Best Behavior, Elise Loehnen brilliantly reframes our toxic cultural programming and helps us to see that what we thought were our sins are actually our greatest virtues. This book is the gift we have all been waiting for (Lori Gottlieb, author of MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE)

Elise Loehnen is absolutely excellent and this book is one of the most important books I’ve read in the last decade. It explores some of the main ways women have been insidiously conditioned subconsciously and consciously by society and culture. Please read this book, I found it liberating and we can only change what we are aware of! (Poppy Jamie)

A reimagining of our sins on a biblical scale, On Our Best Behaviour is astute, radical and utterly compelling (Katherine May)

The feelings On Our Best Behaviour envoked were quite extraordinary. I turned every page feeling less like I was alone for thinking so many of my thoughts. I have never read a book that has so immediately allowed me to feel as though so much of what I felt I had to do and to be wasn’t what I needed to do and be at all. This book feels like a long overdue turning point for women. I know this book, in full, part, or even a line, will allow a shift in the mind of every woman who has felt or feels she needs to be GOOD to have the life she wants (Pippa Vosper, author of BEYOND GRIEF)

Most relevant

An incredible book for all readers, young and old. A great mix of history, social sciences, psychology and personal accounts.