Seventeen-year-old Elena is vanishing. Every day means renewed determination, so every day means fewer calories. This is the story of a girl whose armor against anxiety becomes artillery against herself as she battles on both sides of a lose-lose war in a struggle with anorexia.

Rainey Paxton was born addicted to heroin. In the fragile first hours of Rainey’s life, hospital doctors and nurses fight to keep her alive. Several months later, she is released into her parents' custody, where she is forced to live on neglect and tainted breast milk. Constrained in her home infested with drug addicts and drifters, Rainey’s drug-addicted parents leave little hope for her protection. While Rainey is still an infant, her aunt Sophie visits her and finds the baby dirty and hungry. A bond forms between the two until tragedy strikes. 

In this painfully moving memoir, take a firsthand look at anorexia through the eyes of a young girl. Even in kindergarten, Rachel Richards knows something isn't right. By leading us through her distorted thoughts, she shines a light on the experience and mystery of mental illness. As she grows up, unable to comprehend or communicate her inner trauma, Rachel lashes out, hurting herself, running away from home, and fighting her family. Restricting food gives her the control she craves. But after being hospitalized and force-fed, Rachel only retreats further into herself.

If I were dead, I wouldn't be able to see. If I were dead, I wouldn't be able to feel. If I were dead, he'd never raise his hand to me again. If I were dead, his words wouldn't cut as deep as they do. If I were dead, I'd be beautiful and I wouldn't be so...ugly. I'm not dead...but I wish I was.

Natasha: I’m a girl who believes in science and facts. Not fate. Not destiny. Or dreams that will never come true. I’m definitely not the kind of girl who meets a cute boy on a crowded New York City street and falls in love with him. Not when my family is 12 hours away from being deported to Jamaica. Falling in love with him won’t be my story. Daniel: I’ve always been the good son, the good student, living up to my parents’ high expectations. Never the poet. Or the dreamer. But when I see her, I forget about all that.