I'd Like to Play Alone, Please cover art

I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

Essays

 Preview
Try Standard free
Select 1 audiobook a month from our entire collection.
Listen to your selected audiobooks as long as you're a member.
Auto-renews at $8.99/mo after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

By: Tom Segura
Narrated by: Tom Segura
Try Standard free

Auto-renews at $8.99/mo after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

Buy Now for $21.99

Buy Now for $21.99

About this listen

 From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts “2 Bears 1 Cave” and “Your Mom’s House,” hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more.

Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.

In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.

I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have readers laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone. Entertainment & Celebrities Celebrity Funny Witty Inspiring
All stars
Most relevant
This book was high and tight from the start to the finish. It’s funny, touching (my camera through the fence), nostalgic and genuinely authentic to Tom. I binged it as soon as I could. I love that Tom reads it himself.

Top dog would be so proud. 5/5 jeans, homie. 👖👖👖👖👖
Can’t wait to see you in Australia in 2023!

5/5 Jeans!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Tom is funny as always and easy to listen to, the hours peeled by with this audiobook, loved it, wish there was more!

Hilarious, try it out.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
A great insight into the inner working of tommy buns don't worry I'll be coming up in may

Fantastic listen

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
What a book! Tom gives us what we want; laughs, honesty about being a parent, losing a loved one and how to keep it high and tight! This was a joy to listen to; to hear the sincerity and joy in Toms voice was refreshing. Thanks mommy

Amazing !

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
if you don't listen to this, your life will amount to nothing. For real, like legit

what a fucking legend

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
See more reviews
In the spirit of reconciliation, Audible acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.