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  • I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

  • Essays
  • By: Tom Segura
  • Narrated by: Tom Segura
  • Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
  • 4.8 out of 5 stars (585 ratings)

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I'd Like to Play Alone, Please cover art

I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

By: Tom Segura
Narrated by: Tom Segura
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Publisher's Summary

From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts “2 Bears 1 Cave” and “Your Mom’s House,” hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more.

Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.

In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.

I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have listeners laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2022 Tom Segura (P)2022 Grand Central Publishing

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What listeners say about I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

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5/5 Jeans!

This book was high and tight from the start to the finish. It’s funny, touching (my camera through the fence), nostalgic and genuinely authentic to Tom. I binged it as soon as I could. I love that Tom reads it himself.

Top dog would be so proud. 5/5 jeans, homie. 👖👖👖👖👖
Can’t wait to see you in Australia in 2023!

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2 people found this helpful

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beautifully delivered/constructed

This is by far my new favourite book. It's flawlessly read by the man himself, Tom Segura. With every sound effect or near perfect impression, I couldn't be more impressed with his delivery, there's reading a book and there's experiencing a book. This book is for sure an experience, and well worth the the listen/read.

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1 person found this helpful

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Spectacular!!

If this doesn’t get Garth to unblock him I don’t know what will…. Top dog is greatly missed by all of us..,

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So funny

loved it, was everything I expected and more 😀
Listening to Ymh like every week means I'm very accustomed to hearing Tom, so to me the audio version was a no brainer.

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outstanding

hilarious 😂 also r.i.p top dogg.

absolutely loved it ❤️ 😀 👏 😍 👍

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Hey Buddy.

Tom wears his heart on his sleeve in this reveal all autobiography that I couldn’t stop listening to.

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It just wasn’t really funny :/

I recently binged Toms standup and liked it but this felt boring and I skipped through and gave up. Not one for the books

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He’s a story teller for sure

Tom knows how to engage you in a story, I finished this in a day!

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sentimental, inspirational, and hilarious

absolutely loved it, another classic from Tommy buns himself, top dog would be proud as heck, as a YMH fan, the dedication made me tear up.

you bet I'm coming up in May.

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Delightful, hilarious, a wonderful story

He’s a funny guy. His standup can be brutal but his life’s story is truly engaging and rather delightful. So well written. Relieved it’s read by the man himself.

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