Ever found yourself looking for your phone while actively talking to someone on it? Felt a surge of pure, murderous rage simply because your partner had the audacity to breathe beside you? Cried because the washing machine beeped at you?

Welcome to the hostage situation.

At some point, without your knowledge or consent, your hormones took control and started making demands. Unfortunately, nobody knows what the demands are. You have unknowingly entered the Hormone Hostage Era or, in layman’s terms, peri-fucking-menopause. Negotiations are ongoing. (Which is absolutely infuriating, like most things these days.)

You’ve tried organic super-foods, vitamins and supplements you can barely spell. You’ve tried cancelling plans, self-isolating, self-medicating and half-assed self-care. You’ve tried going for walks and then tried not going for walks because you fucking hate going for walks.
And you’re still no closer to being free.

But what the hell are you supposed to do about it?

Well, think of this book as an unofficial guide to surviving the second puberty that nobody bloody warned you about. I’m here with my hard-won real-life stories and a zero-bullshit, sweat-soaked battle plan for surviving this absolute carnage without losing your mind. I’ve tackled dismissive doctors, unhelpful partners, stroppy teenagers, uneducated fuckwits, mid-aisle meltdowns in Tesco - and somehow haven’t been arrested for assault.

Ultimately, I think it’s important that you understand what is happening to you.

Why?

Because you may need an alibi someday.

Joking. Kinda.