This week's Decent Fucking Human is Paula. Her fucked up story is about being raised by a toxic mother who tried to murder her as an infant. Other topics in this episode include narcissistic abuse, alcoholism, and anxiety.

Paula's mother tried to kill her. She was only 3 months old the first time it happened, and five months old the second. It's taken her a lifetime to piece together and process what happened, and there are still friends, family, and acquaintances who don't believe her story.

It's not surprising that people don't want to believe her. Mothers hold a special place in society, and many want to believe that even the most flawed ones are well-intentioned. They're often given the benefit of the doubt, and abuse is overlooked until either charges are filed or the funeral is scheduled.

What makes Paula's story more complicated is that the only proof she has is her memory. It's hard to believe that anyone can remember anything from such a young age, but there is growing evidence that infants can remember traumatic events. Even if you're skeptical, I'd encourage you to reserve judgment and have a listen. There's still a story here about a woman who was raised by a toxic mother and has done a whole lot of work to heal.

More From Paula

• Soft Skill Strategy Courses: softskillstrategycourses.com
• More on DISC and behavioral styles: smilessparksuccess.com
• Soft Skills Facebook group

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Creators & Guests

• Terrible Scott - Host
• Producer Dan - Host
• Paula Kramer - Guest

Warning: Producer Dan couldn’t make it to this episode, so please don’t turn it off when you hear Scott's voice first. Also, note that this is not our usual format - it's our first update interview. The updates are nothing but positive, but we revisit parts of Amy's story about her broken neck and sheared brain stem, and we also talk about the suicidal thoughts she was having at that time. Amy's book Finding My Hero Within: A Journey from Incapacitation to Empowerment is out now.

Dan and I first became acquainted with Amy in August 2023 when we interviewed her for our 17th episode, I Laid in Bed 23 Hours a Day for a Year. The episode was about the catastrophic injuries she experienced when she fell at home. Amy didn’t know it at the time, but she’d later learn she sheared her brainstem, and she lives with a broken neck to this day.

Amy’s episode was one of the first that made me think Positively Terrible could be something special. She was a great guest with a powerful story, and I had no idea why she trusted us enough to share with us idiots. She was one of the first guests we booked who wasn’t a friend, family, or a friend of a friend. I immediately knew she was a great guest, but I didn’t realize Amy would become a special friend of the Podcast. We’ve followed Amy as she's continued her journey, and we never go too long without hearing from her.

Considering how much we appreciate Amy, we quickly agreed when she approached us to record an update. This one is a little lighter on the trauma aspect, though she does tell us about the fancy new plate in her neck. This one is more about a life achievement she wanted to share – she published a book! It's called Finding My Hero Within: A Journey from Incapacitation to Empowerment, and it's being released for the 10th anniversary of her accident.

Creators & Guests

• Amy Thurman - Guest

This week's Decent Fucking Human is Simon Rinne. His fucked up story is about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Other topics in this episode include alcohol abuse, parental divorce, anxiety, masculinity, and a very professional intro.

Simon suffered from undiagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder for 20 years before he learned what it was or that he had it. It started when he was eight and a schoolmate told him that he'd lose his voice forever if he went more than a minute without using it. It would have been a harmless 8-year-old kind of prank for most of us, but for Simon it triggered his first obsession and compulsion cycle. He started humming constantly to make sure he didn't lose his voice.

Simon was raised the way a lot of boys were in the 80s and 90s. He watched WCW (that's wrassling for those of you who don't know), was expected to be tough and strong, and knew it was an insult to be told he did something like a girl. He wasn't encouraged to discuss or seek help for his mental health, so he just sucked it up and did what men do - he suppressed his feelings with alcohol.

The OCD Simon has is the clinical sort. It's the type that is disruptive, if not disabling. The people who say they're OCD because they check the locks an extra time before going to bed are not OCD - they're just using lazy language. Simon's compulsions made his life more difficult and were something that required treatment. He got that treatment and is now using his experiences to help others. I've got so much more to say about this interview, but just play the damn episode. Simon tells the story so much better than I do...

More From Simon

• Get in touch with Simon
• Join the Mindful Men Facebook Community
• Follow on TikTok
• Listen to his podcast wherever you get podcasts (Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Youtube)

Mentioned in This Episode

• Free online ordination with Universal Life Church
• Fix a leaky P-trap
• Scott's dog Bologna
• World Championship Wrestling (WCW)

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Wanna Tell a fucked up story or be the first to get a Decent Fucking Human Tattoo? Send us an email at podcast@positivelyterrible.com

Creators & Guests

• Terrible Scott - Host
• Producer Dan - Host
• Simon Rinne - Guest

This week's Decent Fucking Human is Kelli Murbach. Her fucked up story is about quiet trauma. Other topics include chronic illness, loneliness, and depression.

Kelli’s childhood was filled with what she described as quiet trauma. She wasn’t abused, nor did she find herself on death’s door at any point, but her upbringing was less than ideal. When she was three her little brother was born with a chronic illness that he was not expected to survive. The good news is he’s in his 40s and has grown up to be a proper smart-ass, but the bad news is that her family’s priorities shifted with his arrival. They had to for his sake, but it was at the expense of her childhood.

I hope this doesn’t read as if Kelli came on to tell a sob story filled with resentment. She didn’t. The story she told was that of parents who were thrown a curveball, and they adjusted the best they could.

The most impressive part of Kelli’s story is how much effort she has put into making her life what she wants it to be. She’s looked everywhere to fit in and find acceptance, and when one thing didn’t work, she moved on to the next until she found the right path.

More From Kelli

• Schedule a call with the Secular Shepherdess
• Read her blog Notes Along the Way

Mentioned in This Episode

• Chewy Grain Free Chicken Jerky for dogs (no they didn't pay us for this, but we'd be happy to take their money)

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Facebook: @positivelyterrible

Wanna Tell a fucked up story or be the first to get a Decent Fucking Human Tattoo? Send us an email at podcast@positivelyterrible.com

Creators & Guests

• Kelli Murbach - Guest
• Terrible Scott - Host
• Producer Dan - Host

This week's Decent Fucking Human is Katrina Lelli. Her fucked up story is about alcoholism. Other topics include bipolar depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts/ideation.

Katrina was a good girl as a teenager. She grew up in an alcoholic home and was forced to be the adult in the house after her father walked out on the family on the day after Christmas when she was a young teen. That might be when taking care of others became part of her identity. She managed to mostly stay out of trouble as a teen, but when she turned 21 and could legally consume alcohol, things changed. Her drinking became a problem, and she eventually had to confront the idea that she was an alcoholic.

She first realized her drinking was a problem when she was 22. That’s when she had an accident while camping that resulted in a catastrophic injury for an acquaintance and a short-lived sobriety for her. Maybe sobriety is too strong a word - it was more like a hiatus of several months until she felt like she'd learned her lesson and could drink more responsibly.

Spoiler alert - she couldn’t. She continued to abuse alcohol and showed a lot of the classic signs of alcoholism. There were times when she put people she cared about in dangerous situations. There were times when it caused problems in her relationships. There were times she would try to hide it. It was clear she had a problem, but she didn't take action until her Mother-in-Law insisted on taking her out for the best burger she never had.

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More From Katrina

• Get a free guided meditation with Katrina
• Buy Katrina's book You Are the Magic
• Listen to the Just as We Are Podcast

Mentioned in this Episode

• When I Said Nobody Would Know, That Meant I Was Nobody
• Trash/mindless/fun/comfort TV
  • Supernatural
  • Jersey Shore
  • Big Bang Theory
  • Rock of Love
  • Love After Lockup - Dan's pick
  • Flavor of Love - Scott's pick
• Best gas station pizza: Casey's pizza

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Instagram: @positivelyterrible

Facebook: @positivelyterrible

Wanna Tell a fucked up story or be the first to get a Decent Fucking Human Tattoo? Send us an email at podcast@positivelyterrible.com

This week's Decent Fucking Human is Bill Lee-Emery. His fucked up story is about surviving throat cancer.

In 2022, Bill was diagnosed with throat cancer. He was a healthy, 70-something-year-old man who up until that point wouldn't even take an aspirin for a headache. He'd prioritized alternative medicine for over 40 years, so the diagnosis created tougher questions for him than it would for many. He wasn't the type to just say "Hey doc, what's the plan?" so he consulted with both his naturopath and physician before deciding what to do next. He opted to hit it hard and fast with chemo and radiation.

It's hard to summarize what Bill's story is about - it's not the intense fuck cancer story you hear so often (although let me just say it - fuck cancer). It's not about a prolonged illness that almost beat him. Bill's battle was relatively short. He was in touch with his body, recognized a problem, sought treatment, and beat it. All of those are things we love to celebrate here, but I think this story is about Bill being humble enough to do what needed to be done, even going to the dark side of modern medicine, to save his own life.

What I love about this story - aside from Bill's delightful demeanor - is the idea of combining alternative and modern medicine. Alternative medicine sometimes gets a bad rap, and I'll admit that I'm guilty of questioning the efficacy at times. There are plenty of stories about people who lost battles with treatable diseases because they refused their doctor's recommendations. Bill even shared that he knew of two people who'd died of throat cancer after choosing not to pursue traditional treatments. What I had never considered before is how the two can work together.

More From Bill:

• Become a Thriving After Cancer member
• Take the How to Be Bulletproof from Criticism course

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Instagram: @positivelyterrible

Facebook: @positivelyterrible

This week's Decent Fucking Human is Melanie Verstraete. Her fucked up story is about toxic relationships.

Melanie had six step-dads by the time she was 21. You might think a stable of step-dads makes for a fucked up story in itself, but that wasn't the bulk of the story here. It contributed for sure, and nobody can argue that she had a great role model for relationships, but she wasn't here to talk about a revolving door of father figures. Melanie was here to talk about the toxic relationships in her life, and how her second divorce led to an epiphany that helped her break her cycle.

Her first husband had "all the red flags," but as she put it, she had to learn the hard way. It was when her second marriage ended that she realized a hard truth. She might have had two less-than-stellar husbands, but she was the one who went ahead and married them. She asked herself, "what the fuck is wrong with you that you keep choosing and marrying these toxic men?" It wasn't self-loathing as much as it was an aha moment, but she still felt broken.

Here's where we backtrack a little. There was a pretty shitty step-dad during her teen years. I said her story is not about the step-dads, but when you're getting into your earliest relationships at a time when your mom is with a man who is emotionally abusing you, you're probably not learning the best lessons.

Sometimes the not-so-fun lessons are the ones you learn the most from, and Melanie learned a lot from her failed relationships. She's now using those lessons to help others as a love and relationship expert at The Wild Heart Life.

More From Melanie:

• Submit an application for a 1:1 Mentorship
• Sign up for The Portal to Power Couple
• Follow on Facebook or Instagram

Please remember to rate, review, subscribe, share and all the other dumb shit creators are always telling you to do. I hate to ask, but it helps more than you know.

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Wanna Tell a fucked up story or be the first to get a Decent Fucking Human Tattoo? Send us an email at podcast@positivelyterrible.com

Creators & Guests

• Terrible Scott - Host
• Producer Dan - Host
• Melanie Verstraete - Guest

This week's Decent Fucking Human is Tonje Wyn-Jones. Her fucked up story is about the death of her 18-month old daughter from SIDS.

Tonje was on a business trip when she got “the call no mother wants to get.” It was her brother, and all he would say is that she had to come home. She hung up and called her husband, and he told her their 18-month old daughter had died unexpectedly overnight.

She had to get home. She was in another part of the country, she was alone, and she had to get home. It was the only thing she could do, and it wasn’t as easy as just going home. She was hours away from the airport, and once there, she had to figure out how to get a flight. It was there when she was desperately trying to get home that she heard herself say “my daughter just died.”

More From Tonje:

• Download 7 Easy Steps To Supporting Loved Ones In Grief
• Book Tonje for a speaking engagement or podcast
• Take the Grief Untangled course

Mentioned in This Episode:

• Casey’s General Store: The Pizza at This Midwestern Gas Station Chain Has a Cult Following
  
  

Follow our socials:

Instagram: @positivelyterrible

Facebook: @positivelyterrible

Wanna Tell a fucked up story or be the first to get a Decent Fucking Human Tattoo? Send us an email at podcast@positivelyterrible.com
Creators & Guests

• Terrible Scott - Host
• Producer Dan - Host
• Tonje Wyn-Jones - Guest