Showing results by author "Jeff Strand" in All Categories

After a series of bizarre and increasingly horrific attacks from pulpy, red, seeded fruit, Mason Dixon finds himself leading a "crack" team of specialists to save the planet. But will they be quick enough to save everyone? To save you? You can't run! You can't swim!

From the madman who brought you Gleefully Macabre Tales, Dead Clown Barbecue, Everything Has Teeth, and Candy Coated Madness comes Jeff Strand’s latest and most twisted collection: Freaky Briefs.

"You want to pay me to sleep with your wife?" Kirk is extremely surprised by Ralph's proposition. He's even more surprised by the next part: Kirk is supposed to perform badly, to make Ralph look good by comparison. And Julie isn't supposed to know that any of this was planned. It's the kind of offer any smart, sane person would turn down. But this is not a book about smart, sane people. This is "bad decisions spiral out of control" all the way. From the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of Pressure and Dweller comes something lighter, goofier, and way smuttier.

This novel is the tale of Stanley Dabernath, zombie. A regular guy who dies, is brought back to life as a ghastly walking cadaver, and becomes the international sensation hailed by the press as The Amazing Mr. Corpse. Fame! Wealth! Groupies! Despite his ghoulish appearance, Stanley finds himself living the dream. But in many ways, it’s harder to be a celebrity than a zombie. The suits behind Project Second Chance want to tell him how to behave in public. There’s constant pressure coming at him from all sides—not to mention that many people consider him a vile blasphemy.

Tune in, turn on, and drop in to the rock 'n' roll rabbit hole! Along Comes Scary is set in an alternate spooky ’60s where vampires play screaming guitars, hell-bound hotrodders start a new trend on AM radio, and there are groupies who will do anything for a piece of their favorite band. Stories include "Papa’s Got a Brand-New Body Bag", "Hell-A Woman", and "She’s Got a Ticket to Die".

As a stay-at-home dad taking care of triplets, Andrew Mayhem's days of getting into wild adventures are over. His life is measured in diaper changes. Sleep has become an abstract concept, something oft-discussed with his wife, Helen, but rarely experienced. So, when internet celebrity explorer Percival Longshore asks Andrew and his best friend, Roger, to travel with him on a good old-fashioned treasure hunt, Andrew laughs off the idea.

In this dark and hilarious new adventure, Andrew has started up a private investigation business with his best friend Roger (slogan: "We Solve Weird Problems"). Since his options in life will become somewhat more limited after his wife Helen gives birth to triplets, it's his last-ditch effort to get out of being stuck with a corporate day job. One of their first clients is an attractive woman named Shirley. Keeping with the kind of luck Andrew has had his entire life, her problem is: "I think I may be a serial killer".

Razor-sharp teeth. Vicious claws. The soul-piercing eyes that stare you down right before it pounces. What will you do when it’s you against a purveyor of pure evil? You think it’s just a dream? Think again. These nightmare creatures have transcended the pages of the books they were written into, they’ve ripped their way from the silver screen, and now they are coming for you. There is nowhere to hide - they will find you. But the question remains. Do you have what it takes to conquer the beast or will you let it destroy you?

Meet the new, improved Andrew Mayhem. He has a real job. He’s a better father and husband. And he’s vowed to quit accepting money from strange women in coffee shops to perform tasks that go terribly, terribly wrong. This time, he’s just taking a relaxing camping trip with his family and best friend. No shortcuts. The gas tank is full. The sinister warning of the crazy old man is taken seriously. Unfortunately, when you’re Andrew Mayhem, you just can’t help being attacked by a group of savage killers bent on inflicting ghastly torture and bringing horrific death.

Yes, Andrew Mayhem, hero of Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary) is back. Still incredibly brave. Still ridiculously irresponsible. And this time, becoming chainsaw fodder is one of his lesser worries. He’s forced to pose as a serial killer known as The Headhunter in order to infiltrate a group of maniacs who’ve gathered in an isolated Alaskan mansion for a weekend of murderous games. Can he free the potential victims in time...or will he be forced to participate in their demise?

Somebody has been abducting children in Fairbanks, Alaska. One of the victims was 14-year-old Curtis Black's best friend, Todd. Curtis saw it happen. He knows exactly who did it. But he can't prove that it was his neighbor, Gerald Martin. The authorities find no evidence of the crime. There's nothing they can do. So he's going to confront Mr. Martin himself. And this is just the beginning of the terrifying story.

Cemetery Dance Magazine says that, "No author working today comes close to Jeff Strand's perfect mixture of comedy and terror." Gleefully Macabre Tales compiles 33 of his most twisted blends of cringe-worthy horror and ghoulish humor, with a couple of serious pieces thrown in just to mess with you.

A city where people are turning gleefully insane. Inescapable blood-sucking bugs. A serial killer who may have discovered proof of alien life. A kinky proposal to "even out" an instance of infidelity. A man whose fingernails are growing at an out of control rate. These are only a few of the stories in Jeff Strand's deranged new collection, which includes several macabre tales written just for these bloody audiobook.

Nathan Pepper seemed like an ordinary baby -- except for a mouth full of scary sharp teeth. Because his life began with his grandmother strongly recommending that he be destroyed as soon as possible, it's safe to say that Nathan was not destined for a typical existence.

Charlie Stanlon is a serial killer. A ghastly, vicious sociopath who chains women to a table in his basement and tortures them to death. He has no friends. He has no family. He despises his co-workers. His only pleasure in life is to cause pain and terror...until the day he finds an adorable Boston terrier and takes it home.

Strand's perpetually unlucky character Andrew Mayhem sets off on a simple mission at the request of his wife: Get some spaghetti sauce. On his way to the store he meets Konrath's obnoxious private eye Harry McGlade, co-star of the Lt. Jack Daniels thrillers. Horrific violence, bad jokes, and lots of name calling soon ensues. Some sex, too, but not between the main characters.

Uncomfortably Dark presents...The Baker’s Dozen! Delicious dark delights for your horror consumption! Come indulge in the dark and disturbing with 13 tantalizing tales of terror written by an incredible lineup of independent horror authors. With stories ranging from delightful to disturbing, you are sure to find something to please your sweet spot. Authors include Jeff Strand, Christine Morgan, Ruthann Jagge, Aron Beauregard, Lee Franklin, Chris Miller, Patrick C. Harrison, III, Carver Pike, Kenzie Jennings, Daniel Volpe, Rowland Bercy, Jr., Candace Nola and M. Ennenbach.

Yes, the author of Gleefully Macabre Tales, Dead Clown Barbecue, Everything Has Teeth, Candy Coated Madness, and Freaky Briefs isn’t done with you yet. There will be serial killers. There will be cosmic horror. There will be extremely demented cooking competitions. There will be pink fizzy drinks. There will be Santa Claus, hangings in the Old West, body swaps, some light cannibalism, and monsters galore.

As Rod Sterling famously said, "You unlock this door with the key to your imagination". Sixteen tales of horror and woe are ensconced here.

For all of human history ghosts were real and they were everywhere. Then, one day, after a horrible cataclysm, they all disappeared. That was the story of THE PERFECTLY FINE HOUSE. But there are more tales to be told from that world.