Showing results by publisher "-emdashery books-" in Humour

"I'm only going to say this once more," said Dad, "so listen very carefully. We are not ever, under any circumstances, going to Australia." What does a kid do when his Mum and Dad are misery guts? Move them to a tropical paradise, decides Keith. That'll cheer them up. It's a brilliant plan, if he can pull it off.

Hold on to your broom for magical mayhem! Lovable but disaster-prone Mildred Hubble is a trainee at Miss Cackle's Academy for Witches, but she's making an awful mess of it. She keeps getting her spells wrong and crashing her broomstick. Yet she manages to get by until she turns Ethel, the teacher's pet, into her deadly enemy and chaos ensues....

Armpit and X-Ray are living in Austin, Texas. It is three years since they left the confines of Camp Green Lake Detention Centre and Armpit is taking small steps to turn his life around. He is working for a landscape gardener because he is good at digging holes, he is going to school and he is enjoying his first proper romance, but is he going to be able to stay out of trouble when there is so much building up against him?

Like handshakes or housepets, many things are preferable when not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable volume, I am afraid that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up, and down, a range of strange and distressing mountains.

Dilly loved a good murder. Not a REAL murder. A made-up murder. One you would find in a murder mystery novel. Sherlock Holmes was her favourite detective, so much so that she had named her dog Watson after his faithful companion. Dilly had trained her Watson to sniff out clues and follow scent trails. Something he would happily do for a dog biscuit. Or two. So far, Dilly and Watson hadn’t had much luck cracking cases – beyond lost cats, or missing biscuits that turned out to have been eaten all along.

Big Nate's scout troop is fundraising and while door-to-door selling isn't really Nate's thing, there's nothing like a Grand Prize to get him motivated. Especially when the prize is an awesomely cool customised skateboard (and following an incident with a poodle and a bridge Nate is in need of a new set of wheels). Nate HAS to win the prize but to do that he must out-sell Artur – the luckiest boy at school.

Every kid wants to laugh, but Max is the boy who can make it happen. As he and his classmates head off on a camping trip, the new boy, Tyson, decides to play some jokes of his own. Max is the funny kid...and now there's a prank war to be won! Monsters in the lake, smuggling ducks, dig-your-own toilets, capsizing canoes, absolutely not falling in love and beans that give you the runs are just some of the things in store for Max and his friends in this brand-new adventure.

George and Harold, and their doubles, Yesterday George and Yesterday Harold, have a good thing going. Two of them go to school, while the other two hide in the tree house and play video games all day - then they switch! But it turns out there's something rotten in the state of Ohio, and it's smellier than a pile of putrid gym socks. The boys' malicious gym teacher, Mr. Meaner, has created a method of mind control that transforms their fellow students into attentive, obedient, perfect children.

When Silas Heap unseals a forgotten room in the palace, he releases the ghost of a queen who lived 500 years earlier. Queen Etheldredda is as awful in death as she was in life, and she's still up to no good. Her diabolical plan to give herself everlasting life requires Jenna's compliance, Septimus' disappearance, and the talents of her son, Marcellus Pye, a famous alchemist and physician.

Mr Twit is a foul and smelly man who always has bits of cornflake and sardine in his beard. Mrs Twit is scheming and sly and always thinking of the next horrible trick to play on her husband. The Twits are so ghastly and evil that they even keep Muggle-Wump the monkey and his family captive in their garden. But not for much longer! The monkeys are planning to trick the terrible Twits so that they can escape and put a stop to the frightful pair once and for all!

Elliot's mum is ill and his home is under threat, but a shooting star crashes to earth and changes his life forever. The star is Virgo - a young Zodiac goddess on a mission. But the pair accidentally release Thanatos, a wicked death daemon imprisoned beneath Stonehenge, and must then turn to the old Olympian gods for help. After centuries of cushy retirement on earth, are Zeus and his crew up to the task of saving the world - and solving Elliot's problems too?

Hey, you - yes, you! Remember when we found that really deep hole and you jumped in and I had to jump in to rescue you and at the bottom of the hole we found the cave of the legendary Peanut Butter Beast? That was one of our deepest - and most dangerous - adventures ever! What? You don't remember? Well, have I got a story for you! Let me remind you how it all went down ... and down ... and down ... and down.

A hilarious new middle grade novel from beloved and best-selling author Gordon Korman about what happens when the worst class of kids in school is paired with the worst teacher. The Unteachables never thought they’d find a teacher who had a worse attitude than they did. And Mr. Kermit never thought he would actually care about teaching again. Over the course of a school year, though, room 117 will experience mayhem, destruction - and maybe even a shot at redemption.

Carly Beth thinks she's found the best Halloween mask ever. With yellow-green skin and long animal fangs, the mask terrifies the entire neighborhood. Before long, it has a surprising effect on Carly Beth, too. She tries to take it off... but it won't budge! Halloween is almost over, but fright night is just beginning. Now with all-new bonus materials!

On the day they are born, each Swift is brought before the sacred Family Dictionary. They are given a name and a definition, and it is assumed they will grow up to match. Unfortunately, Shenanigan Swift has other ideas. So what if her relatives all think she's destined to turn out as a troublemaker, just because of her name? Shenanigan knows she can be whatever she wants - pirate, explorer or even detective. Which is lucky, really, because when one of the Family tries to murder Arch-Aunt Schadenfreude, someone has to work out whodunit.

Do you believe in magic? Carter doesn’t. He knows magic tricks are just that - tricks. And as a street magician he’s also pretty good at them. But then Carter runs away from his con man uncle, and he finds himself alone and in danger from dastardly carnival ringleader, B. B. Bosso. He could really use some magic now.... A chance encounter with the mysterious Mr Dante Vernon leads Carter to a magic shop, where he teams up with five other like-minded kids, and the Magic Misfits are born! Can the gang use their magical talents to save the day and stop B. B. stealing a priceless diamond?

When we last saw George and Harold, they were headed to jail for the rest of their lives. What could be worse? How about being pulled from prison by a time-traveling tyrant named Tippy Tinkletrousers?!!? Now the boys are taking a trip back in time to the carefree days of kindergarten, when the scariest thing they had to face was not evil mad scientists or alien cafeteria ladies but a sixth-grade bully named Kipper Krupp, the nephew of their clueless school principal.

The ghast king Malacoda and the terrible enderman Erebus have led their monster army to the server that houses the Source: a virus with plans to destroy Minecraft and all the digital lives on its servers before escaping once and for all into the real world. Only Gameknight999, the user-that-is-not-a-user, and his small army of NPCs can stop them. But the monster horde is growing bigger by the day, as if they are being helped by an unknown someone...or something.

Mysterious incidents are wreaking havoc throughout Camp Jupiter. And if the Romans don't find out who - or what - is behind the episodes soon, the Twelfth Legion could implode. Suspicion falls on Claudia, the Fourth Cohort's newest probatio. To find out the truth, see through Claudia's eyes the crime scenes and watch as the bizarre events unfold - even when she discovers a secret that holds the key to Camp Jupiter's safety....

Just when they think they are safe, theMcDonald twins are chased by an evil Elvis impersonator, trapped in a pool of flesh-eating soda pop, nearly pulverized in a giant shredder, and crushed in a turbo-charged carnival ride. Worst of all, no one believes them! Will they make it out alive? Will they ever find out who's really after them? All bets are off in this explosive third book in the Genius Files series.