On this episode of Couples in Focus, we cut through the noise of dating advice and boil it down to just two questions:

1. Do I feel safe, relaxed, and like I can be myself?

2. Do I feel accepted and seen?

Through real stories, I’ll show how these two simple questions reveal more than any dating script ever could — helping you notice the difference between a date that drains you and one that feels energising and real.

If you want to dive deeper into relationships and therapy, visit coupletherapy.earth.

Summary

In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of relationships, particularly the notion of keeping one's side of the street clean. They discuss the importance of understanding both individual and shared worlds in a relationship, the impact of emotional neglect, and the necessity of co-regulation. The dialogue emphasises that relationships are not merely transactional but require mutual support and emotional engagement. They highlight the significance of emotions as a compass guiding individuals back to their needs and the importance of navigating emotional responsibility without falling into the trap of managing each other's emotions.

Check out my website for couples therapy

Takeaways

Keeping your side of the street clean is simplistic.

Relationships require understanding both individual and shared worlds.

Emotional neglect can have lasting impacts.

It's not just about doing your part; it's about connection.

Co-regulation is essential for emotional health.

Good intentions can still cause harm in relationships.

Emotions serve as a compass for our needs.

Mutual support is crucial in navigating challenges.

Relationships are not about 50-50; it's about collective resources.

We need to walk hand in hand in our emotional journeys.

Chapters

00:00 The Concept of Relationship Dynamics

02:49 Understanding Individual and Shared Worlds

05:31 The Impact of Emotional Neglect

08:32 The Complexity of Keeping Your Side Clean

11:20 The Role of Systems in Relationships

14:11 Navigating Emotional Responsibility

16:58 The Importance of Co-Regulation

19:56 Mutual Support in Relationships

23:03 The Balance of Emotional Engagement

25:55 The Role of Emotions as a Compass

28:41 Final Thoughts on Relationship Dynamics

Summary

In this episode, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of desire in long-term relationships, discussing how desire can diminish over time due to various factors such as overwhelm, emotional disconnect, and resentment. They emphasise the importance of maintaining physical touch, open communication, and addressing emotional needs to rebuild intimacy and connection. The conversation highlights the necessity of acknowledging the challenges couples face and the importance of seeking help when needed.

Get couples therapy

Takeaways

Desire in relationships often shifts and requires effort to maintain.

Physical touch is essential for keeping desire alive.

Overwhelm and exhaustion can hinder intimacy.

Emotional disconnect can lead to resentment and barriers to connection.

Regular communication about sex can enhance intimacy.

Setting aside dedicated time for touch is crucial.

Acknowledging emotional needs is vital for rebuilding trust.

Couples may need help to navigate complex emotional dynamics.

Good people can unintentionally hurt their partners.

Admitting when a relationship is lost is the first step to recovery.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Desire in Relationships

00:25 Understanding the Drop in Desire

05:32 Overwhelm vs. Emotional Disconnect

08:09 The Importance of Physical Touch

10:47 Creating Space for Conversations about Sex

15:31 Addressing Emotional Blocks to Intimacy

22:24 Navigating Trauma in Relationships