A woman asks about Barry’s teaching. She says she has been in a relationship for three and a half years, and two things keep coming up: her doubt—“what am I doing here in this relationship?”—and her partner's moodiness. She says she could never fully leave, and she could never fully be there.

Barry says it is a compromise and that eventually in love you have to give up compromise. He says if the man doesn’t change and doesn’t love her enough, she has to leave him. He tells her she doubts because she is not being loved enough, and says any woman will get doubtful if she’s not loved enough. He rejects the idea that she should be there for him, save him, or put up with his emotions and ignorance, and asks why she should waste her young life on someone who makes her unhappy.

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This dialogue comes from the second recording of the 1999 Gold Coast Talks. These recordings—along with many others never previously published—have only recently been carefully digitised and are now available to listen to in high quality. The complete Gold Coast Talks are available through two platforms: via The Barry Long Podcast or The Barry Long Archive.

The full episode can be found here – https://open.spotify.com/episode/4ky0SifTuKVtBJqFfBHUz9?si=9ZkiFD5FRgmj1xerXHZOPg

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From the archive:

📃 Loving or Leaving – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/172/loving-or-leaving – Woman of Love has no problems inside of her. She's not trying to change anyone, not even her beloved man. She's tried that and found that man will never, ever change. If she tries to change him he will get defensive. A woman of love has learnt: 'All I have to do, if he is worthy, is love him'. In being the wonder of love that she is, there's the possibility he will be sensitive enough to change. But is he worthy? If he's not worthy, she will leave him; because when she loves a man, she is not attached to him. But if he truly loves her, why would she ever leave? Women only leave men because they don't truly love them...

📃 The Right One – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/171/the-right-one – Be the joy of life that is in you, that you are, as much as you can be. Do not be the gloomy, wondering, attached, unhappy one. Then, if you are meant to be with a right man or woman, the right one will come to you. But if you want a woman, or want a man, you're going to attract someone who's not right - because wanting is not right.

📃 Is It Right For You? – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/177/is-it-right-for-you – If you are oppressed by the situation, and you know it is not right for you, but you keep compromising with it, that's self-consideration. While you compromise, you have a continuous sense that it's not right.

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Collections on Love & Relationships:

🏷 Man and woman in love – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/topics/480/man-and-woman-in-love – 'When you have lack of love, and I'm talking about the love of man for woman, in the first instance... that's a very, very depressing state... They have touches of it, and it doesn't last, it disappears or something. And that's a very, very traumatic thing. And women get depressed, and man because he is not loving... I teach a love that doesn't end.'

🏷 Practical advice for relationships – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/topics/525/practical-advice-for-relationships – 'You don't have to understand why he or she left you. He or she left you because he didn't love you enough... you must not accept into your life someone who doesn't love you enough...'