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When Silence Speaks: Zechariah, Porn, and the First Steps Toward Healing

When Silence Speaks: Zechariah, Porn, and the First Steps Toward Healing

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 In this first part of the conversation, Tanja and certified sex addiction recovery coach Chris Grimbilas explore the deep “silence” surrounding pornography and sexual betrayal in Christian marriages. Chris shares how shame, fear, and a lack of safe, equipped support—especially in churches—leave many men and pastors suffering in secrecy while their wives feel blindsided and deeply betrayed. Drawing from Zechariah’s silence in Luke 1 and David’s confrontation over Bathsheba, he connects unbelief, lack of ownership, and isolation with being “struck silent” spiritually and emotionally. Together they unpack the need for men to take responsibility, pursue honest disclosure and accountability, and patiently rebuild trust drop by drop in the “trust bucket,” while honoring the way God designed men and women’s brains and emotional worlds differently.Episode Summary In this episode of Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy, Tanja talks with certified sex addiction recovery coach and mental health advocate Chris Grimbilas about the path beyond “digital adultery” and the painful silence that surrounds pornography and infidelity in Christian marriages. Chris shares his own journey, explains why so many men and pastors feel trapped and unable to speak, and connects their experience to Zechariah’s silence in Luke 1 and David’s repentance after Bathsheba. He unpacks why men often feel voiceless in the recovery process, why wives experience pornography as real betrayal, and how rebuilding trust is a long-term process of consistent honesty, transparency, and emotional safety. In This Episode, We Talk About: The staggering percentage of men in the church struggling with unwanted sexual behavior Why shame keeps men silent and why many pastors feel unequipped—and often compromised themselves The difference between confession, honesty, and transparency How Zechariah’s unbelief and silence (Luke 1) parallels the inner silence of men who can’t see a way out How the story of David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11–12) models biblical support and accountability Why wives experience pornography as betrayal and “digital adultery,” not a minor issue The image of the “trust bucket”—how it’s emptied in a moment and refilled slowly over years How God designed men and women’s brains differently—and how that impacts communication and healing Scripture References Mentioned Luke 1 – Zechariah’s silence and obedience in naming John 2 Samuel 11–12 – David, Bathsheba, and Nathan’s confrontation (“You are the man”) Proverbs 5–7 (implied) – The “strange woman” and warnings against adultery Next Steps: Connect with Chris:If you or someone you love is struggling with pornography or sexual betrayal, reach out to Chris through his website for Christ-centered support and coaching.➤ https://proclaimliberty.org
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